A Tainted Love

How can love ever be real with people like you?

You walk, talk and scream… but most of all you trust

People, the ones you know, and sometimes those you don’t

They may make you feel safe for a while or do something you admire

Therefore you never retire, in the sense of pride… walking you’re content

Talking in your sleep, you prevent. Ever realising how you interfere

When love volunteers, and enters your life

Courageous and happy you are, but you’re not seeing the hidden truth

The broken mirror of your youth

Outrageous and silly you can allow ourselves to get, you’re unaware

That everywhere, our hearts are lying. They’re speaking and dying.

But you’re too in love to realise how you’re damaging us.

Your family who never make a fuss

We simply sit back and watch how you can forget us, silent we hush.

Author's Note

Spare of the moment write :/, improvements?
Thanks for reading.

Reviews

[Mark]

Though as another reviewer noted, it is not a sonnet, it is nevertheless a lovely thought, and well expressed, if in a style unique to itself...and what, after all is wrong with that? I was particularly taken with your technique of hiding the rhyme of each couplet within, rather than at the end of the subsequent line. If you are interested in exploring the sonnet (one of my favorite and frequentest forms), with an eye to composing one or more, I will gladly send you links to a few of mine posted here. Thanks to Dean for recommending you to me.

[Pencrafter]

The poem is intriguing, showing how different people have differing attitudes and points of view. Some people go through life oblivious to the disruption and pain they may cause, even though their family thinks they are the greatest thing since baloney and cheese. Those kinds of people, even when they think we are all friends, cause exultation and gladness when they leave. Good riddance!

[Marissa]

I love your format and your text the way it's layed out is amazing it'll catch eyes...and it's a nice poem

[Southern Cross]

I liked the form you chose to write in. Very thought provoking message here and I especially liked how you included the families perspective in the end. This brought the entire piece to a nice conclusion.

[Owlgirl]

Nice formatting, amazing, great poem, very well written.

[Onix]

my fav part is the "broken glass mirror of your youth" very nice

[Amata Luna]

If this written in a spare, I don't know if it could have been any better. Done well once again. :D I can just picture the words in my head and just like before, they come before me; alive, kicking and well speaking. :D Thanks for sharing this one. ;)

[Tai Ryens]

An intriguing thought to dwell on, I liked how you started out with trust and ended with family. And a spare moment? I wish mine were more productive as yours. Well written indeed.

[nigrum homonculus]

written on spare of the moment? bloody hell. this is good. well done

[khalid]

first, welcome back to writing. second it is really nice touching poem. i only wish you would have started it left to right because it is little tiring to read it this way, i got sometimes lost which line im in..
thank you for writing, posting and sharing..

khalid

[Mockingbird]

i think the first half the person is speaking, but then at the end the family is speaking. not sure where one begins and one starts. should probably only have one point of view. it's teaching a lesson. good job.