Tunes That Decline

A teenage love, a broken heart.

Time fluttered as birds flew, ashes knew
that something would change, shift to fit someones pain.
You noticed me standing there, never said anything. Noticed me but still remained silent as you decided my fate, unable to speak your mind, time told me tales of your past... breathed experiences of my last, scent of you. Everything you... but not forever, one day you'll leave me, decieve me in your own hate of a painted day, for that other girl who was led astray.

Tuesday, Thursday, Friday...
I waited and you fell, for her. All over again
as you told me it wouldnt ever last "we've changed too much, its just in the past"

Wednesday, Sunday, Monday...
the days were the same, just rearranged to fit your existence and my love, for you. Hated and enveyed by a note and the things i used to do.

Grey hazy days of new. Just like those times, we'd sit there, and stay there, and be there.
 We never changed anything to fit a selfish mind, we liked to think we were apart from people, no matter how kind, for our life was Divine.
When you were here
When 'you' were here.

Reviews

[Pencrafter]

Your poem describes the swirl of emotions and mixed up thinking which afflicts teenagers. As we grow to maturity we try to understand how bonds of friendship are woven; and we don't know why some people show a lack of respect for us and act in dishonorable ways. Part of our own personality development is finding the boundaries of our obligations and tolerance for fools. Your poem gives us something to think about. Please be kind to those with small monitors and poor eyesight and maybe use a little larger font. Thanks for you poem.

[Sandy Beach]

An excellent piece, a different approach to writing, poetry, a story, maybe "Storetry"

[BLACK PRINCE]

A good poem full of truth and great emotions.

Well done

[lalala]

very true. i can relate. great write :)

[r. f. jordan]

this is an intense read, and a worthwhile gaze upon a writer flourishing. this has that similar outlined structure of the last piece of yours i read. a structure that seems to work well thematically with your speaker. i would go with envied instead of "enveyed" at the end of line eleven, but you may be headed somewhere with that i'm not aware of. regardless, the piece is well written, and i appreciate your talent.

[Robert The Frank]

Amazing writing. It flowed beautifuly. Some real power behind this poem

[marytownsend]

Love can bounce us up and down no matter the time or age. This captures those feelings beautifully! Great writing!

[Fading Poetic]

I agree with Pencrafter in their saying that it (this poem) describes the emotions of teenagers after a breakup. It was very well written and conveys strong emotions that pull the reader in.

[reflectingus]

This is such a beautiful flow of emotions. I loved the first two lines, it's the most perfect-est beginning ever! And this whole piece is kind of lyrical. Teenage love is, indeed, a jar of mixed emotions, and you have accentuated that very well here. Time brings change, change fades love, and brings on this incurable nostalgia, where we get stuck, and mourn in silence. I could feel that longing, pain, and reminiscence of a time well spent, but never will return. This was just beautiful, great job.

[Liderien]

This reminds me of the song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5anLPw0Efmo&ob=av2e
Evanescence-My immortal. And i cant explain why it just kept coming back to that song. This was a great write

[Chip]

It reminds me of one of my crushes and I can relate. There is a pool of emotions and I really like emotional poems. You did well on this. I noticed one mistake on "Wednesday" you wrote "Wenesday", but it hadn't affected the poem badly. It flowed well and I encourage you to continue.