No one told me, you see. Silent gestures was the tragedy.
I woke to find promise under my bedroom floor, but remorse still lingeredin the corridor, and hatred would still be present in the misty cold air of this winters morning. I looked out my window, blank, clean, and empty. The world was White. New thoughts came to mind, and I had no idea how kind. I creped through the kitchen and avoided the creaky floorboard, hugging his jumper. I opened the back door to welcome the cool breeze, I was hoping this would enable me to see, another perspective of my tragedy.
Because no one told me you see. Silent gestures always haunted me.
0, 4, 2, 0, 6 the numbers never made sense when I was under, but the dream would never go away. I was in the middle of the road, with a clock tied to a tree, it pondered over me and kept striking the sound of midnight. A bird would take flight, and a car overhead came closer and appeared bigger, blinding my eyes by the 7th second, but by the 8th I'd have woken up. My sister peering down shaking for me to wake. She signed and I understood, I didn't reply with my hands as I normally would, I spoke for the first time. Not able to hear myself, or what her moving mouth would be shouting to my mother downstairs, she was happy and surprised. And I waited slowly, for my mother to arrive. Gesturing as she came, saying things I can't explain. For my whole life has been filled with silence, I'm deaf. I've seen things others wouldn't and taken advantage of the things they would.
For all this time, no one had told me... that I wouldn't be like one of them, that I'd learn different things and see different things, that I'd live in different circumstances and change in different ways. But that was the beauty of it, for I had no idea.
Your poem reads like a short story. There are vivid images and emotional moments. You have good character development--it should be a short story! I might suggest you spend some time on proofreading to catch spelling errors and perhaps word choices. This would make your writing even better. You have good imagination and writing style. Keep writing!
Question - do you mean 'lingered' as opposed to 'ligured'? You spelt 'kitchen' wrong. Also, I am assuming you meant 'peering' rather than 'pearing.'
"And I waiting slowly, for my mother to arrive." - Do you mean you 'waited' slowly or 'was waiting' slowly?
Apart from the minor spelling and grammar errors, I really enjoyed that. It reads quite well - you could even develop it into a short story. Good job!
"No one told me, you see.
Silent gestures was the tragedy."
...Beautiful and sad...
Your words create an interesting read with great imagery! You could go with this as a short story, like Pencrafter suggested. There are a few errors in grammar and spelling, however, they do not take away from the writing. It leaves room for the reader to add their own imagination and ponder the twists. I really do like it, but would probably do some editing and revising...I would lengthen it to create a short story because your imagination could really take this to the top :)
Thank you for sharing! Keep writing!!
Interesting. I think this could be a short story or a poem, somewhere stuck in between. None the less, a very good piece. Your imagery is incredible and the attention to detail is astounding. Fantastic work!
A lot of mystery in the story. Untold information. I did like the strong description and the use of numbers. The story got more interesting with each set of lines. I like the ending. It made me want to know more. Thank you for the outstanding story.
Coyote
Your poem reads like a short story. There are vivid images and emotional moments. You have good character development--it should be a short story! I might suggest you spend some time on proofreading to catch spelling errors and perhaps word choices. This would make your writing even better. You have good imagination and writing style. Keep writing!
I adore Writing.
¬¬"Is all we see or seem but a dream within a dream?"
- Edgar Allan Poe
¬¬"To live in the world without becoming aware of the meaning of the world is like wande.. more..