Lies

Lies!

They should die.

All they do is f**k up our lives,

although they can be handy, very dandy.

 But in the most awful ways.

 

Faithful?

you tell me,

you're nothing but it.

If you should lie, god save me,

I would die.

Author's Note

Hmm... experiment.

Reviews

[kasG]

i think you have something here with the potential to be really good. I would suggest a slight rewrite and restructure, possibly, a couple of punctuation changes. The first two lines of the poem are angry, and should feel stunted instead of smooth. Not that there shouldn't be a rhythm, but that the rhythm isn't water-like - which is what you tend toward in all your poetry. Try something like this:

Lies
They should die!
(and so forth)

Grammar points:
"Are lives" should be "our lives"
"Worst awful ways" is redundant. Try "most awful" or "worst possible."