I confess...

My very first poem... win or fail?

 

Your eyes... so deep

I even forgot how to breathe

Your smile... so sweet

Right away I was swept off my feet

 

Can’t get pass these feelings inside

I bet it shows in my eyes

In my mind, I’m right there by your side

In my dreams, I feel your hand holding mine

 

I wake up against my will

Only to find time standing still

Won’t you stay by my side?

Stick with me through the night?

                   

So I confess, I’m obsessed

You’re the object of my affection

 Nothing compares to your perfection

In reality there’s so much I’d like to say

 

But you’re a million miles away…

Reviews

[Awaken the Sleepwalker]

It has a rhythm and I really like that. People in my creative writing class call me a rhythm freak, but back to the actually topic... Rhythm is hard to obtain for first time poets, and for the being your first ever poem, I must say Kudos. It flows very well. So all around good!
WIN

[Mauricio Montoya]

I think you did a great job on this piece. keep on writing.
Excellent write.

[Crossed Sky]

Great work! Awesome rythm & killer flow.

Very strong message & point of view in love matters. This is a really good piece girl!

[Arctic Fox]

I think you could add three more lines to make one more stanza. then again im all about balance and if that sint your thing then thats cool too

[Kanattas Atir Enomo]

this is a really beautiful piece and i can relate to it so much. amazing flow, rhythm and such. great first poem. truly amazing and well written. two thumbs up =)

[MiidniightSoul]

This is such a beautiful poem. I love it.

[eli mercuree rue]

i love the last two lines.

i myself would erase the rest and keep it as the last two lines... lol :)

but since you aren't me you're gonna keep the rest and all i can say about the rest is nice rhythm and and the rhyming is not to overwhelmin' (yeah i have an issue with rhyming it makes me feel to warm inside and i run from it shame on me)

good job overall.

im saving those last two lines for a love letter :P

[Megg]

I have to say that I completely LOVE this poem! I can totally relate to the feelings reflected here. Great job!