I like the theme and the general idea you're trying to play up to. But I like this so much more if I think of it as spoken word rather than a poem. Good job and keep improving
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
ohhh thanks for appreciating
i will write in the form essay because it is my oringinal inner.. read moreohhh thanks for appreciating
i will write in the form essay because it is my oringinal inner thoughts what i feel peoples living without any aim
Yeah Bro i am 18 years old i think about this life i dont want this type of boring life with no. Aim
7 Years Ago
I'm 22 and just now starting to force myself to try new things and get out of my "comfort" zone. Tak.. read moreI'm 22 and just now starting to force myself to try new things and get out of my "comfort" zone. Take your time and think about what it is you want, it can and will change, but once you know, go get it.
I like the theme of the poem here. I am glad you tried to pen your thoughts. Though there are mistakes like grammar and sentence structure. Practice more. Way to go :)
Dont Abuse...
its Not Trash Its Is out of your thinking dont try to undertsand it u cant go a.. read moreDont Abuse...
its Not Trash Its Is out of your thinking dont try to undertsand it u cant go away and dont abuse
7 Years Ago
Alright boys
Flank em with her muskets, then charge with dem cavalry, and rule britan.. read moreAlright boys
Flank em with her muskets, then charge with dem cavalry, and rule britania
Interesting thoughts here. The circle of life can be beautiful but also terribly repetitive.
I would work on the mechanics of this poem, capitalization, punctuation, sentence structure, and spelling :)
But you portrayed your thoughts and it is a wonderful start. Great insight :)
The theme of your poem is basically fascinating. You attempt to portray what the real life is. But I think you can tell more than that. Besides, try to put attention to the punctuation and grammar. Although they seem negligible, but they also matter.
Okay, let's try this again.
As an early writer, or poet if you may, I would agree that grammar is one of the pylons that contribute to the significance of a poem. It is possible that it may be overestimated. Yes, let's recognize his inability to properly place his words in a more cohesive manner, but also acknowledge good points. It seems that some people discern reviews to dissuade an adventure into the poetry realm. His first efforts must be appreciated for what it is now, and with experience and feedback, he can do better next time. Thank you.
Posted 7 Years Ago
2 of 3 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
" It seems that some people discern reviews to dissuade an adventure into the poetry realm." Wow..... read more" It seems that some people discern reviews to dissuade an adventure into the poetry realm." Wow... you are incredibly pretentious (stop trying so hard to sound intelligent, it reveals the oppo). Also, that's not what being critical of obvious incompetence is. Some people shouldn't write for public review, why go soft on them? To feel better about yourself or that person? You're not helping anyone by taking that position, people need to know when they did a s**t job and it doesn't have to be sugar coated. If you want to be an honest reviewer and not some glad hander looking for a ego boost you must realize that no one's "efforts must be appreciated", as you put it. That's akin to "everyone gets a trophy" at the heart of this new BS self esteem movement that has made the millennial generation so weak and reliant on praise and echo chambers and safe spaces and all that nonsense. I don't think you wanted to clarify your point for the author of this poem but rather I think you are desperate to seem wise and well rounded. You had no other reason to leave another review here other than that.
7 Years Ago
Do you know what constructive criticism is, Particle Man?
7 Years Ago
I know what I think it is but clearly that is not in line with how you define it. You like to inclu.. read moreI know what I think it is but clearly that is not in line with how you define it. You like to include praise first critique second or not at all. I would use your original review as an example of that but you deleted it and replaced it to accommodate your new "position" on the matter. I know what you're trying to do, good luck with that. It won't end well for you. You should probably just move on and not trip over your own vanity and ego on the way out. But I have a feeling you're about to get real petty.
7 Years Ago
Try not to sound to pretentious and convoluted though, high school kids never pull that off very wel.. read moreTry not to sound to pretentious and convoluted though, high school kids never pull that off very well. Try and type your BS conversationally so you don't sound so desperate to impress.
7 Years Ago
Both of my reviews had my opinions on it. I was only trying to explain my view a bit more. I said gr.. read moreBoth of my reviews had my opinions on it. I was only trying to explain my view a bit more. I said grammar is not amazing here, but we can't just limit our view on his grammar alone. I'm not a seasoned writer, but I was expressing my opinions on the matter.
Wow Particle Man. You blame Joshua for having the so called "ego" but I think you are the one with a.. read moreWow Particle Man. You blame Joshua for having the so called "ego" but I think you are the one with an ego.
Just let it be.. Why are you getting so worked up over other's opinions?
Now I understand why there are wars taking place all over the world. You probably might be coming up with something offending for me.
Just let it be..
Peace out y'all!