Hollow Reflection

 Once, there was a girl who danced under the stars, as they shown down on her, as if she was made to dance. No one could help but gasp in awe at her, at every fluid movement she made. She was beautiful, too. Her ocean blue eyes sparkled under the sunlight, and her jet black hair reflected rainbows, leaving an imprint in everyone who ever saw her.

 

One day, she just stopped. Nobody knew why, and no one spoke of it, but from that day on, not one word passed from her lips, and not one beat of music entered her ears. She wore her hair down, long and loose. She never laughed that melodious laugh everyone loved. Even when she smiled – or tried to – they never reached her eyes. She was just a weak, hollow reflection of the girl that had been.

 

Then, just as suddenly as the world had lost her, she came back. Her smile, her laughter, and her dancing. It was as if she’d never left.

 

With her, now came a boy. To her, he was her sunshine, around which she gravitated, and she knew that he was he only reason she came back. He danced with her, under the cover of the moonlight. He showed her his world, and she showed him hers.

 

She told him she loved him, and she knew in every fiber of her being that it was the truth, and nothing less. But this boy; the one she loved so much, he never repeated those words to her, month after month, year after year. And yet, she continued to love him, though she often asked herself if he needed her half as much as she needed him. His presence was addicted, and she clung onto him like a drug addict.

 

But one day, after all these had been said and done, he vanished. She threw herself into searching for him, every second, and every day, but he never showed, and once again, she left, even though she was right there.

 

Author's Note

I've never really tried anything like this, so excuse me if it's a little off. Critiques would be very much appreciated!

Reviews

[Lightfalls]

Awesome poem, I love it!!! Its really sad but beautiful and a great analogy. I enjoyed reading it.

Only a couple tiny things I noticed...I think that:

"He showed her his world, and she showed her his." should be: "He showed her his world, and she showed him hers."

"His presence was addicted, and she clung on to him like a drug addict." should be: "His presence was addictive, and she clung onto him like a drug addict."

[Dalebear]

Good write

[--]

Great analogy, very descriptive without being cheesy. I love the way you break up the text, you use commas often but not so much it is irritating.

I can't stop wondering what happened the first time she went hollow. Did he leave her twice?

[Ashley;]

OMG.
Favorite one of yours, I think

[Chris T.]

I love the premise. Pleaseee continue the story, or give more details, or something. I want more though :D

[Jeff Miller]

This piece drew my attention and the flow was superb. I love the line that he was her sunshine around which she gravitated. This was expressed splendidly! Don't be afraid to dabble in this again. Well done! Keep it up!