Is This Love?

["I saw galaxies in your eyes, my love..."] ["Of all the shades of colours I've seen, your eyes were the most beautiful..."]

I don't understand because since day one, I tried to keep myself open to you. Unzipped my skin, slowly, but surely. I revealed all you needed to know. Though, I do acknowledge I kept a few doors locked, but only because what was in there usually frightens people who try to be close to me... I had the key buried in my heart. I worked my way to digging it out for you, ripping apart my own heart just to prove my honesty, devotion, loyalty, love... to and for you...

So, why couldn't you do the same? I tried asking you to, because I knew you weren't revealing all of yourself to me. But you refused. Saying that the present person was entirely YOU. That wasn't true.

Did you want to re-build, re-define, who you are? With me? Were you just afraid? If so, of what? Rejection?? You should have known better than to be afraid of me... Or, did you think you could be two people? Create two worlds where you get what you want from both?

Maybe you really didn't realize what you were doing to yourself...

But, I guess, now, all I can do is ask... Do you want to, now? Re-define yourself? Grow with and into me? Because, though I seem composed to my liking, I am still so abstract; vague definition of self... That's a dangerous thing, though...

I understand that you lived like a limitless, selfish, teenager for so long. I understand that everything encompassed within that life style is hard to let go of... the transition to a life of calm, compromise, responsibility, and commitment is very hard. I get it. But I cannot be made to feel alone anymore. I need a partner who will build and work on this life WITH me. I need soul food... understanding, more importantly.. But, you? I can't seem to read you. My dreams were so clear, now they've gone dark. My compass is broken because, as much as I want to learn more of how to love you and teach you how to love me, you are sending mixed signals. I have to be strong now.

I need you to tell me, CLEARLY and SURELY, what you need and want.

Stay or go, 

Love or indifference,

Sad or mad,

Together or apart.

The confusion and uncertainty needs to end now.