Music

A concert

Black circles dot the page,

softening the sharp white sheet.

Five thin lines flow continually,

wrapping the notes in a carefree embrace.

 

A gentle melody dances in the air,

emerging gracefully from the page,

lifting the spirits of those who

have come to be entertained.

 

The tone shifts abruptly,

the colors become more vivid,

others join, speeding up.

The audience stirs in anticipation.

 

Another shift, the air thickens.

The melody vanishes, overwhelmed

by the dark depth of despair

now cloaking the room.

 

The melody returns,

the depressing notes dissipating.

The lilting notes slowly fade,

applause taking it's place.

 

Black circles dot the page,

softening the sharp white sheet.

Five thin lines flow continually,

wrapping the notes in a carefree embrace.

Reviews

[Holly Soques]

First off, this is absolutely brilliant. I've wanted to read a poem about music for a long time, and this is the first one I've come across here on writerscafe.

I enjoyed the repetition of the first stanza at the end, as that does provide a musical sense of structure, but is it really necessary to repeat words like 'shift' and 'melody'? More variety would really give this poem more colour! Also, the use of 'entertained' in the second stanza sounds slightly awkward in context, but maybe that's just because I've come to associate the word with lower rather than higher pleasures. Relatively speaking, of course. Or maybe that says more about me than your poem :P.

Oh well, I hope that was constructive. But seriously well done overall, and thanks a lot for sharing.