28: The Truth of Cliff

I stared blankly up at the ceiling in my room. The tears were starting to dry in the corners of my eyes. I was all out of tears. My clothes laid scattered on the floor, and my entire body shook in fear and pain. 

Cliff was out getting food from the kitchen. I hoped he ate the old s**t. I hoped he choked on it. I hoped he’d fall over and die. I hoped my aunt would come home and call the cops on him. 

Cliff was a disgrace to the human race. He was a low and vile human being. He was a filthy monster. Maybe even more so than Austin. Definitely more so than Austin. Suddenly the tears started again.

I shook and shook under them. What if Cliff came back in and saw me crying? What would he do to me then? What would happen if I left and snuck out the window? Would he go after me? I could never forgive him for what he did to me. Never. 

I tried my best to stop the tears, but they kept coming. I heard footsteps coming down the hallway. I ducked under the covers, and bit onto the blanket to silence myself.

“Hey, baby, you want eggs? I’m making eggs. And your aunt’s got tofu. Or did you buy that? I can make something, if you’re hungry... babe?”

I made sure the cries had completely stopped, and they did, but only out of fear. I didn’t trust myself to speak, but I had to.

“Y-y-yeah. Make me some eggs, please. Do we have juice?”

“In the freezer. It’s in a can.”

I had to stop and choke down my fear.

“Y-yeah. T-that’d be great.”

“Alright, babe, just lay down and get some rest... love you.”

I didn’t respond at first. But the he repeated it.

“Love you, t-too.”

He walked slowly away from the room, as if he regretted his previous decisions. I looked down at my chest and realized I could see my heart beating through my skin. That was just how scared shitless I was. My eyes were probably wider than they had ever been in my life. 

A dry and choked cry tried to come out, but I was too terrified to cry. I was too terrified to make any more sounds, just in case he heard them.

I had a sudden urge to cut myself again. Though the glass was hidden in my dresser, and if I got up, and he came back, he would surely see me with it, and then... then anything could happen. I shuddered in fear. I seemed as if I was laying naked in snow the way I was shivering. Though I was drenched in sweat. 

I peeked out of the covers, and stared down the hall. He was no where in sight. I quickly jumped out of bed, grabbed the glass, and made my way back. A dropped pan in the kitchen made me jump, and the glass slipped onto the ground, cutting open my fingers. I stuck them in my mouth, and jumped into bed. 

 It took me a moment to realize that he was not coming after me. I picked up the glass gently, and set it against my leg. It dug in, and a little bit of blood was starting to ooze. 

Wait. If I cut myself, then he would know. He would see it. He would feel it. He would know. Then what would he do? He told me to stop. I realized that Cliff was something way more than what Austin and I ever thought. We couldn’t have been more wrong. We had both completely underestimated his power.

Austin once thought he was a harmless guy who could never lie, and always asked what was wrong. He didn’t care what was wrong. It was a disguise. It was an illusion. It hid the monster beneath.

His fiancé hadn’t helped him. No, not at all. She had ruined him. She had turned him in the opposite direction Austin had thought she had. He obviously lied. He was lying to Austin for so long. He was lying to me. Finally, he was definitely not harmless. He was a vicious beast. A vicious, sex-lusting, animal.

I didn’t want to do anything tonight. I just wanted to cuddle. The black eye that was forming indicated that was not what happened. Though, it was still fuzzy in my mind. It was all forming. It was like a puzzle, and I was putting together the pieces. I was filling in the holes that Cliff had left in his lies. I was using Austin’s information with my own information, and finally figuring out who Cliff really was. It terrified me. 

Suddenly, I wanted Austin back. I wanted to be in his arms, even if he was bruising them and forcing kisses upon me. It would be better, because he would actually apologize. That was the difference between Cliff and Austin. Both were fearless, both acted before they thought, but Austin felt sorry about it. Austin actually felt regret. Cliff was stone-hearted.

Austin used to be harmless. He used to be the way the Cliff acted. I probably changed that. I probably made him the way I was by not loving him. But I did love him. Yet he made me sick. Though, I had caused that. I obviously had feelings for Austin, no matter how much my feeling for Cliff had clouded them up. 

I wanted sober Austin to hold me. I wanted him to take me away and tell me everything was alright. I knew that wasn’t going to happen. Nothing ever happened how it should have. Ever. Everything was fucked up.

My hand was still ready with the glass to cut open my leg. The tears started again, but I couldn’t do it. Out of fear, I didn’t slit myself open. Out of fear of Cliff. For a minute, I debated wether or not to slit my throat. I debated wether or not to just let Cliff walk in on a dead me. It would be all his fault. I wonder how he’d feel, then.

“Baby! Your food’s done!”

The air I was sucking in got stuck in my throat, and suddenly I was choking and gasping for breath. My heart nearly stopped at the sound of his voice. My face twisted up in fear, and I tried my best to wipe the tears away. I knew my face would still be red and puffy, but I couldn’t help that. 

I shook uncontrollably as I put my underwear back on. I fumbled around for nearly five minutes with my bra, and picked up my blouse. Suddenly, the light that came from the hallway was blocked out, and a large, strong, unforgiving silhouette appeared. Cliff.

“Baby. Hurry. Food is out. Come on. Now!”

“I-”

But I choked on my words, and had to stop. I crossed my legs, and sat on the bed, so he couldn’t see the little bit of blood dripping down. 

“F**k the clothes. It’s just us here, sweetie. Come on, let’s go.”

I sucked up all my fear, and held a dedication. A dedication to stay alive. Because I was scared he would and could kill me. 

“I-I-I just need my, skirt. Just let me get my skirt on.”

“No! Ida! Your food’s getting cold! Come on!”

He was getting angry. I tried my best to play it safely. 

“Alright.” 

But I picked up my leggings and slid them on. I followed him out into the hallway with just leggings and an unbuttoned blouse on. I felt so bare. So open. Such an easy target. I wrapped my arms around me in a sort-of protection. 

It took a little bit for my eyes to adjust to the light, but when they did, I saw the eggs and the tofu on the table. He made a type of vegetarian breakfast burrito, with lettuce, spinach, mushrooms, and bell peppers along with egg whites and tofu. 

He wrapped his arm around me, and I flinched under it. His soft voice sounded in my ear.

“I’m not gunna hurtcha, babe. Come on, food’s out here.”

His baby voice that he used to try and be sweet made me sick. He kissed my cheek, and I gritted my teeth and swallowed hard. I quivered over toward the seat, and took it. He sat next to me, and ate away. 

I looked down blankly, but wasn’t hungry. I sipped my juice, and stared at the food. After a while, he stopped and stared angrily at me. 

“Babe!”

I jumped and looked over at him, clearly terrified.

“Eat your food. You’re the one who asked for it. I asked you, and you said you wanted some. I made you some. There ya go! Eat!”

“Oh... yeah. Of course... baby.”

I picked it up and took a bite. It’s deliciousness was completely overthrown by fear. My mouth was too numb to taste. It was too dried from fear. The rain poured outside, and lightening struck far off out to the east. 

I finished the burrito was quickly as I could. I got up and went back to the room without even saying anything. I heard him get up behind me, and only walked faster. My heart beat loud in my ears, and sweat poured down my face again. 

As soon as I reached the room, I jumped into bed, and tried to wrap the cover around me in a cocoon. He ripped them off, and I began to shiver. 

My arm went up to cover my face, but he just laid down behind me. The covers slid back up, and his hand stroked through my hair. I was sure he could feel and hear my heartbeat, because it shook my entire body with each beat. 

His baby voice sounded again. It sounded so sickly sweet. But evil was behind it. It was like a calm before a storm. It was a lion’s purr. 

“Alright babe, you wouldn’t before. Ready now? I want to do something tonight.”

“I just wanted to cuddle!”

I screamed out. My body shook with tears.

“Shh... shh... shh... Calm now.”

His arms wrapped around me, and silenced me. My heart beat louder than ever before, and my breaths were quick and panicked. I repeated it quieter.

“I want to cuddle.”

His hands went back to stroking through my hair. They went back to try and comfort me, but they held evil. Everything inside of him did.

As he said the next words, I let out a gasp, and shook with fear.

“Too bad, baby. Too bad.”