Veiled by Blinds

I'm standing at your gate

feeling like a waste 

my veins are filled

with last night's fight

and I've still got the taste

 

Of pennies on my lips

they split on someone's fist

I swung the best I could for you

but someone said I missed

 

Your mother peers intently

from windows veiled by blinds

 

I intend to show I love you

by pouring out my mind

 

A loser and a liar

impulsive at best

I'm sure that you're tired

and sickened by the rest

 

A failure at twenty

a year later a waste

I'm so sick of drinking 

But I still like the taste

 

Reviews

[wolfshrew]

This is wonderful writing, the rhyming works beautifully and flows perfectly.

[Coyote Poetry]

Drinking can blind us from the good things. I like the story. The description made your words come alive. I like the ending. A excellent poem.
Coyote

[Jessica M.]

"and I've still got the taste

Of pennies on my lips"

I really love the way those lines sound with the enjambment. I don't know why.
The taste of copper just seems such a perfect, potent compliment to the other imagery.

"I'm so sick of drinking
But I still like the taste"

Amen.

[run vs remember]

I like the mental battle. Nicely done.