Sidewalk Lovers

Walking home.

 

my pavement rattled teeth

are biting down 

on hand swept streets

 

 

sidewalk lovers kiss

in alleyways 

where drunkards piss

 

 

streetlights linger with dawn

as we both  

stumble along

 

 

music lingers on lips

like whiskey

and stale cigarettes

 

 

and

I’ll have you 

if you do the same

 

so at least

we’ll sleep through the day

 

 

Reviews

[wolfshrew]

this was all so wonderfully put and your descriptions had me filled with something I cannot describe. I loved so many specific lines in this piece, good job.

[Deaths Cold Kiss]

great write

[Lydia R. Ferraro]

I personally enjoyed the first stanza. I swear I can feel my teeth breaking...

ha.

Good write. : )

[Analgesia]

Making a drunken walk home poetic is quite an accomplishment, so I'm very immpressed by such a feat being pulled off here. Everything seems to be stumbling in this world you've created, sidewalk lovers obviously didn't intend to be next to pissing drunkards, they just happened to stumble into that alley. Good read, good verse, I hope I was of assistance, and thanks for writing something worth reading.

[Sidewalk]

when i was writing this, I pictured the protagonist stumbling through the bar district of town with his companion. the first stanza was supposed to set the mood of the night, basically he's tripped and smashed his mouth on the curb in a drunken stupor. From the feedback I'm getting, it seems like I'm not conveying this? Thanks for the input, I can see why I should leave the first bit out.

[Jon Gary Frost]

loved this. i agree that the first line seems unnecessary. maybe even a tad off-subject. but as a whole this is very good.

[Eric]

Not crazy about the first stanza but the rest of this little b***h makes me hum. It's a muscular poem with all the piss and vinegar of puberty. Love it -- really do.

Eric

[TrashedRomance]

Nice work, So I'm guess you've had experience as street life? Or did i get that wrong?

=D

[ABitBrokenPoetry]

i love the 1st & "music lingers on lips" stanzas & the line "I'll have you if you do the same". you have a way with words & definately a unique style. keep writing.