The Craving

Eye to eye

I thought I felt

your soul cry out

its sorrow

in emerald waves

of pain.

 

Lips to lips

your sweet, exotic

kiss

softened

the mood behind

those eyes

of yours.

 

Only to reveal

the starving soul

of a man

gone mad once

from those wretched

days of old.

 

Healing now

the color that

dances in those

retinas cries

out to be held

to be fed

to be nurtured

to be led

to be freed

to satisfy its need

as much as those

lips search

for those same things

 

The craving

all over

my naked

body.

 

 

Reviews

[Jibey]

Lovely! How we men like to be held, nurtured, fed and all of that... We like to appeal to the female mother instincts and get our women to pamper and succour us, to maximise on any potential for their sympathy. Then we can get to their naked bodies. You present the process in words of beauty, love and innocence.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

This was very awesome. It is a great understanding of love, need and desire, seeing them, not as seperate entities but as one hopeful, helpless craving. Wonderful.

[Gandré]

Not a single word was too much. This is my new favorite of yours. This you wrote in a almost hurried style, it was like a painting painted with lots of small brushes... and when one looks on the completed stanza... then the bigger picture would be recognized...a message for lovers...absorbing!!

[A.J. Smith]

I like it, Siddartha...your final stanza is a great clincher. I always enjoy your style of expression...your art.

[Edward Carr]

Good poem, but needs some work. The first stanza is strong, good descriptive imagery, maybe remove "I thought" and just leave "I felt". Also maybe say "sorrow and pain in emerald waves."

Second stanza is nice but maybe "your eyes" is better wording than "those eyes of yours." I think the second stanza and the third stanza can run together. The period after "yours" and the beginning of the third stanza does not work as it should stay one sentence, grammatically its an error.

"Wretched old days" would be better than "days of old" which is too poetic. Fourth stanza is strong, I think "lips search for the same." sounds better than "lips search for those same things."

Last stanza solid. Good poem, good descriptive imagery, good tone and voice. Some concrete noun usage. I like it, but I think it could be even better. Just needs some revision.

[Michael]

A very nice poem of understanding. What I mean it is obvious you have an understanding of the subject that goes beyond the casual. It is more about the sharing of secrets I think. Well all have out demons and it is a reassuring thing to have them understood by another.

Great work.

[Raja]

Wow! fantastic write. I just love the open truth that is weaved in words in this poem. Great job

Thank you.

Raja.