Beneath La Lune

Beneath la lune

we cry a tune

of redemption and fervor

 

hazy drifts of clouds

cover your brightness

only to reveal

your cyclindrical

shape

 

taking muse within

my own mind

put asunder

by the wake of

what I would expect

and yet am surprised

by what is asunder

 

here,

within you dear

I feel

a longing and desire

I never expected

but has shown forth

with gumption and fire.

 

 

Reviews

[Jibey]

Interesting, reflective writing.. though I couldn't quite sort it out... the partner's 'cylindrical shape, for example...offered various possibilities... I wasn't clear either what was in the wake of your thinking that you put asunder. Maybe Steve below has the idea.. . and a longing and desire shown forth with 'gumption'? Well, it made me think! The definition of the word is right but it tends not to be associated with a romantic moonlit scene but with using common sense in practical situations. So does it mean that he remembered to bring a condom? LOL

Ah... dear Siddartha... I am being so clumsy and naughty this morning... treading over the simple beauty of your words with hobnail boots....

Just delete me :-) No.. I want to stay... maybe I should delete myself.

[Seshat Nidaba]

This piece was really clear, and powerful, the choice of the vocabulary is exquisite and it's liberating.

[Poiesis]

Very well put together. Your word choice is interesting.

[Steve Thompson]

The desire...I believe in the point you made, the what you don't believe, the unexpected bond that you can share, what is it? I love the last line...and the poem just brings up the idea of tryin to blow out that out that old fire, only adding to the size of the flame.

[The Tao of Bri]

Brilliant;y done....this scorpio moon has got the emotions boiling indeed!

[RHEA CROSLEY]

Yes I enjoyed this it is a little mystical and yet clear all at the same time. Interesting style, good write, thank you for sharing.

[Tamme]

I like this. The moon had my attention last night. I particularly enjoyed the last stanza. Lovely writing.