Death's Shadows

I see you as I have never seen you before

Walking along the corridors of death's door

You are a parent still yet you are a child

In my undertakings of your care

 

You repeat what you say often

Not realizing you have said it before

I see you as I have never seen you before

Walking along the corridors of death's door

 

Hips adrift, canes to steady

your walk along this passageway

a sweet Mother's charm yet

I know not what you say

 

At times, you are too far removed

I want to wrap you in my arms

bring you back to my childhood

I write these memoirs

 

As a remembrance of how it used to be

yet time passes

though your sweet embrace

still lingers on luckily

as you are still here.

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Dawn]

I think this is a good, original subject you almost tackle. First off the rhyming is off, it seems it will have a pattern and then it doesn't. There doesn't always have to be a pattern but when there isn't it needs to be looser. The use of before at the end of two lines in a row was unsettling.

These lines didn't make much sense to me:
In my undertakings of your care
You repeat what you say often
Hips adrift, canes to steady

Also mother is not capitalized and the line break between the last two stanzas just doesn't work.

I think with just a little sprucing this could be a really gripping piece.

[Justin Tobey]

This poem is very good. The subject is sad, and I went through a similar experience when my grandmother died. It was very strange to see her so helpless and weak, because she always had a very strong, leader-like personality and attitude. This poem really brought back those feelings. Even though it is sad, you did well. : )

[robin]

The repetition of "walking along the corridors of deaths door" twice is like the signal of the "bell that tolls for thee" and I think THAT bell tolls thrice. I noticed the same of my grandmother who passed away last December;
the telling of the same story. After she passed she was still here all around me, and is even now. I told her before she left we wouldn't be able to meet like this anymore (in person) but that the soul lived eternally.
Beautifully sad recollection of the living.