Reactions to the Psychiatrist's Blues

Lithium

for his bipolar need

to calm his mind

from manic

racing thoughts

insomniac

awakened attacks

aware

24/7.

 

Instead, they put him to sleep

don't want him roaming

the streets

drunk on caffeine

and nicotine

addictions

left

abandoned.

 

But in a home,

foster care

you may go

they say

if you do not follow our ways

accept

the electro-shock therapies

remedies

that you have made

to destroy the tissue

in your brain

erase some memory or thought-

 

We suppose

but do not know

what you divine

yet, we are not certain

that this time

you know what you are doing

with his mind

when he ends up in l'hopital

with toxicity - Holy Cow!

 

You nearly killed him

with your drugs

he told you doctor

all along

that it made him

puke and shake-

He could not even

lift a spoon

to his mouth

without spilling it

all over himself

 

The contradiction

in your rules

the adverse reactions

to your cures

should, perhaps, be taken

into consideration

before you pump

people full of pills

and wills

based on your books

and maybe next time

take the time

to listen carefully

to what's on his mind

during these late night

undertakings.

 

 

Reviews

[E.H. Monroe]

we do it with everyting.
education
medication
marriage
someone else is always the expert, the ones holding the cash and drug stash
this is the remidner that not overdoing it is the only way to heal. let it come from the mouth of the pain itself and not some script written by a fuckwit who gets paid to write em.
snap it up for the mistress of bass thump flow

[Sean M. Addams]

very interesting piece and well expressed... liked this alot ..nice job

[Wicahpi]

Pills, pills, pills...
there's a pill for everything now a days.
thought provoking write!

[deeps]

This is quite the different read. I like it though

[SM Davis]

Hmmm... interesting take on this. I'll comment on the poem as I don't agree with everything you've said here, but strong, and willful ... and poigniant. Good write!

[Ken Simm.]

This I can empathise with. Well written.

[Edward Carr]

Decent poem, needs revision though. I am Bi-Polar or Manic Depressive also, so I can relate to the poem, which was interesting. My heart goes out to the person in the poem. There are some good concrete descriptive words.

Lithium

for his bipolar need

to calm his mind

from manic

racing thoughts

insomniac

awakened attacks

aware

24/7.


This is a good stanza. Specificity with words like Lithium is always a good idea in writing poetry. In the second stanza cut out the "Instead." at the very beginning.

they put him to sleep

don't want him roaming

the streets

drunk on caffeine

and nicotine

addictions

left

abandoned

I do not think that you need "left abandoned." either it would be a stronger poem i think if the addictions were not left abandoned. If you meant the patient would be left abandoned then you need a period after "addictions."

But in a home,

foster care

you may go

they say

if you do not follow our ways

accept

the electro-shock therapies

remedies

that you have made

to destroy the tissue

in your brain

erase some memory or thought-

This could be a stronger stanza even though it is good. You do not need "But in a home."
Something very wrong with this piece of poetry is the change in number. The person talked about in the first two stanzas is third person singular "him" pronoun. Then it changes to second person singular "you" pronoun. Don't do that. Keep it the same the whole way through. You also do that alot in this stanza

"they say" and "that you have made"
should be that they have made as well as to destroy the tissue in his brain.

We suppose

but do not know

what you divine



yet, we are not certain

that this time

you know what you are doing

with his mind

when he ends up in l'hopital

with toxicity - Holy Cow!

I do not think you need this stanza at all. It could be totally deleted, if you want to keep it, reword it watch your pronouns and instead of using prounouns which are vague maybe try being more specific or make it an angrier piece by saying maybe what you divine, doctor or play on Plath's poetry with an allusion and write what you divine, doktor. Could work in different ways. or simply eliminat the vague pronouns all together.


You nearly killed him

with your drugs

he told you doctor

all along

that it made him

puke and shake-

He could not even

lift a spoon

to his mouth

without spilling it

all over himself

This is a strong stronger stanza. "puke and shake" is good because it paints one heck of a picture same with "He could not even

lift a spoon

to his mouth

without spilling it

all over himself" "All over himself" himself could be revised into something like all over his quivering chin or down it his shirt and pants or something like that.

The contradiction

in your rules

the adverse reactions

to your cures

should, perhaps, be taken

into consideration

before you pump

people full of pills

and wills

based on your books

and maybe next time

take the time

to listen carefully

to what's on his mind

during these late night

undertakings.



eliminate perhaps from this stanza. the last two lines are interesting to me but I think they should be revised and it would be interesting for me the reader to know what is on the patient's mind late at night. "undertakings" is interesting, makes me think of undertaker. Is that intended? Could be a good poem, just needs alot of revision, but what initial poem ever doesnt?

[j]

"drunk on caffeine" and the backslash in the title, sweet.

[Nabu]

Wow, this captures how most modern doctors would treat the symptoms, but not the patient. You have been heard in this majestic masterpiece. Keep writing, poetic justice should be your sur name.