Consumed

I sip lightly

upon your breath

as you near my lips

which quiver

in anticipation

yet I do not want

to partake in the

wine of your soul

as it is likely

to consume me

whole.

Reviews

[Horizons]

The comparison of breath with wine and wine with breath i've seen here in this lovely poem. What a great concept to relate with real life you've demonstrated. Like we take a sip of a chill wine and it gives nothing but provides some relaxation of body as same let me take a one sip of the breath to feel the coldness of beauty of life... to feel the taste of the wine in the suite of soul... that's all you've defined i got. I really enjoyed this piece. It's so nicely penned. It's i think very tough to write into few words such a nice piece but you've done a great job admittedly. I appreciate this piece. Brillaint work once again.

[Arthur Henn]

Eleven lines of written word that consumes the reader.

[A. Amos]

Each word perfectly describes the romance... I admire your skills. 

[Praveeta]

A beautifully crafted poem that stirs up emotions. Tug of war between temptation and fear.

[Strider Marcus Jones]

One of those excellent poems where less is more. Wonderful theme. 100/100

[SuperChick62]

Very good job with relating. You add enough details to make one understand and relate (if they had been in a similar situation) but personal to make it about you and you only. This is a bit of your soul and fear.

The short lines force the reader to draw in their breath, even when reading silently (for we think in the way we talk, with breaths), building the excitement of the situation. This style of writing is very good for erotic or sensual poetry (or fearful, but that's a whole other kettle of fish).

I like to try to give a suggestion with each of my reviews, so the only one that I can think of is maybe more active verbs. More... Excited verbs. "quivering in anticipation" instead of "which quiver." Speeds things up, making me draw my breath quicker. Shortening it, speeding up my heart, etc. "I sip lightly upon your breath" does it nicely. Short, sweet, exciting.

[Karen]

Beautiful and sensual poem! I love the imagery, so rich and expressive even in the short lines. It is sometimes frightening when one gives of oneself wholly to someone else because, as this poem shows, it may consume one whole! Beautiful poem! Thank you for writing and sharing it!

[Rocans]

Enjoyed this immensely, short and spicy. I particularly liked the line "wine of your soul" something about it is a concoction of: romantic,erotic,religious, not to mention that it sounds poetic. Good little write. :)

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Nice to see you posting again...
ahhh yes being attracted to those who are bad for us, it is so tempting even though we know it could tear us apart.