Confessions Of The Second Best

It's just how I'm feeling right now, the meaning isn't exactly clear but it was what I need to brighten me up.

I am second best, reigning sadly behind my queen,

I am the unrequited loser, waiting for an answer that

will never come to me, that I shall never, ever see.

 

Silly child to think I stood a chance against her,

I should feel shame to think I were ever good enough

to stand tall and proud upon a stage and become a lead.

 

I shall burn with disgrace; there is no part for me to claim.

Second best, that’s all I am, a broken wheel, a broken thing

who will sit and smile but deep inside, my heart is slowly withering.

 

I’ll stand on an empty stage, no words to say, one song to weave,

But where will that leave me standing when the thing is done,

I’ll be forgotten amongst the parts that should’ve been mine to hold.

Reviews

[Jeberle]

Excellent first draft. As always, you know how to articulate extremely complex emotions with just the right words. I only have two suggestions. The first would be to consider simplifying the last line of the fourth stanza. Compared to the rest of the poem, this line is long and a bit cumbersome.

Secondly - and this is just a stylistic thing that I'm picky about - I never recommend ending a line with a weak word. I think that poems with lines ending in strong words pull the reader down to the next line. I think "that" at the end of the second line in the first stanza would be more effective if moved to the beginning of the third line. Ending that line with "answer" will grab your audience visually and motivate them to keep reading.

Keep up the great work!

[Moii]

Brilliant words describing your emotions, keep up the good work but the one thing i think you should consider changing is the last line of the poem, its too long compare with the others and doesn't quiet fit in with the rest. Well done!