Perfect Plea's

The desperation of a lonely youngster...

 

I am the perfect girl,

Who lives the stuff of dreams,

my world is neat,

my life is good,

Or that is how it seems.

In my class I am the best,

I am my parent’s pride,

but they don’t see,

and they don’t know,

the loneliness inside.

I know a boy, a perfect boy,

who sits alone like me,

his eyes are soft,

his beam is false,

but only I can see!

If I could gather confidence,

Then maybe I could say,

Just how I feel

And how I dream,

But would that be okay?

The longing that has risen high,

is in my heart so deep,

if I could tell,

then perhaps at night,

I might just start to sleep.

Oh God of God’s, I pray to you,

Please hear my desperate plea

Please let the boy,

I love so well,

Fall back in love with me.

Author's Note

This little piece of inspiration simply hit me whilst sitting in my school common room today. Let me know what you think, is the rhyme scheme okay??? P.S THIS IS NOT BASED ON ME OR MY FEELINGS.

Reviews

[Crazy Cat Man]

this is an interesting piece.....what i see is a young bright girl.....who put so much pressure on herself and so much pride......that she falls apart when one boy does not care about that lol,,,,,thats what happans when we put our lives on the hands of others who dont return the love.....then we believe our own sake is not worthwhile....but it is :) we must learn to move on when someone does not appreciate us...someone else will thank god this is not based on your personal feeling s :D

[Samantha Grace]

I really liked this. It had an excellent flow and I loved the surprise ending. I honestly didn't go in to it thinking it was about love! Wonderful job!!!

[:)Hannah~!]

I love this! It's so awesome. It has perfect rhythm and it describes how someone would feel of they fell in love with a guy and they wanted him to fall in love with them again. Sooooo cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL,
Hannah

[Arthur Crow]

This rainbow poem reads like a love spell, the Gods and Goddesses will be pleased by your words :) Rich in emotion and passion... the voice beckons love with humble conviction.

[Becky Jones]

Hiya Si - Time for a proper review off me:D

This poem flows so nicely and soft, its like a chant or prayer when reading it (I'll be saying this in my head in the hope of a special boy falling passionately in love with me...). The 4th stanza doesnt flow as good as the others though I think because of the word confidence. Why dont you hand this in with some other poems for your English coursework? You cant let these go unnoticed!! You write like a pro lol

So thats it, my critique. Time for the next one now =) xx

[Aileen]

i like it. vrry nice. it flows good. nice job on this one. just one thing no ones ever perfect. but other wise, nice job. keap up the goood work
luv ya
ure firend Aileen

[Just Manoosh]

I like the way I was lead down one path, only to realise I was on another.

Loneliness start this verse, love and loneliness ends it..... or even explains it.

The rhyme was cute (sorry for using that word) and the overal layout good. It does have a wonderous air of young love to it.

Hugs.
Mx

[Jeberle]

Ah, young love. This poem captures the innocence, fear, and longing of those days. I think that the rhyme scheme works exceedingly well with the subject matter and makes this piece easy to read. It flows wonderfully.

I would only suggest rewording the line that reads: "The longing that I so do know." It breaks the rhythm of the rest of the poem and confuses the reader. Other than that, this was a great poem that perfectly evoked my younger days. I know this feeling well. Thanks for putting it into words for me.

Keep up the good work!

[Silent Kim aka mizmetap..]

The rhyme scheme is good and the words you choose are excellent also. It flows nice and smoothly.

Life is usually lonely because people don't understand us, the reason no one knows us like we know ourselves. The trick is not get caught up in the loneliness that we allow it to consume us.

Another is don't worry about the boy who moved on, move on too. You're young, there will be lots of boys and eventually men. Take your time and see what kind of perosn they are. Being cool, cute and knowing the right things to say doesn't make them the catch. Take your time to get to know the boy. What he likes, does he pay attention to what you like/dislike. Does he share your intrest in music, movies ect. What plans does he have for the future, does it matches what you want in the future. Is he supportive. When we're young we get caught up in the idea of love and not finding true love. We have to first love with our minds then our hearts.

You're parents, you need to open the communication with them, let them see who you are. I'm sure they've experienced what you are experincing. Different time, slang and dress but same situations arise. You will be surprised, You should never be afraid to speak to your parents about anything or to ask them about anything. I know some partents are abusive and some just don't care about their children. But that's only the few. Most parents are only one your side and the only person in life you can truely trust.

Okay I think I preached enough to you.

Feel free to send me read request any time.