FATE'S PLAN

Everyone is human to some extent. So everyone deserves a second chance be it big or small...

No. No. NO! I ran up to her distorted bloody figure in the middle of our room.  She was on the verge of dying. I cannot let this happen. Kneeling beside her, I pulled her into my arms and cradled her fragile body. "Kate! What happened?! Kate!" Her eyes gently flickered open and she stared into my eyes.

Her thin lips tilted up in a half smile and she whispered so softly that I had to lean in to hear her. "Is it that bad?" My throat was closing up, the back of my eyes stung and my chest began to hurt making me unable to reply. "Well, well look at this. I've finally rendered my man speechless. I've just made history people." I brushed back her dark hair and mumbled "I'm sorry.. I'm sorry... This is all my fault-" but she put a finger to my lips and said, "Shhh.. Its okay now. This was meant to happen. This is fate's plan."

A teardrop slid down my face. "I love you Katherine. I love you.." "I love you too Keith... Your child would have been so proud of you..." Her eyes fluttered close again. It felt like a million daggers had pierced my heart. "Huh-.. w-what do you mean? You are pr-pregnant?!" She remained perfectly still.
"Kate, no no!" Hot tears spilled down my face. "Katherine p-please  please d-don't leave me. You are the only good in my life", I whimpered. But she was gone. 

I couldn't think straight. I held onto her and rocked back and forth letting my tears run down her bloody cheeks. My world was falling apart and so was I. I kept muttering, "who could have done this? Who could have done this?" Then a name flashed through my mind. "Matt" I growled.

Two hours later I stood in front of the house of the man who stole my happiness with my gun locked and loaded. I'm known as the heartless assassin. And he just messed with the wrong guy. I entered through the front door like I have a thousand times before and as usual the door was unlocked. I walked in straight through the hallway and stepped into his office where he sat at his desk reading the final magazine of his life. 

Without looking up he said, "Ah finally. I was wondering when you'd get here. I don't like to be kept waiting and you of all people must know that, right Keith?" Hatred like I've never felt before filled me. 
"Why? Why? I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you!" Not waiting to hear his worthless explanation I leaped at him and landed a punch on his face. Matt fell off the chair with me on top of him as I landed punch after punch while screaming "you killed my child" over and over again like a chant so as to fuel my wrath. He didn't put up a fight but I didn't stop to wonder.

Gradually I slowed down, breathing hard staring at his blood soaked face. He suddenly began a hysterical laughter. Wiping his tears he said, "This is what I wanted all along. I'm so totally fed up of life. God funny isn't it? My partner in crime is gonna kill me. Literally!" And he began laughing again.
"You are one sick man, Matt." I punched him again and his head rolled back.
He grinned at me and I was about to deliver the final blow when a voice called out, "daddy?" Matt's hideous grin dropped instantly and I knew.
I slowly turned just in time to see Matt's wife, Julie, walk in and stand beside her son, her jaw open wide. "Oh my god! What's going on?!"

I gave her a psychotic smirk and said, "say hello to fate!" In lightening speed I reached for my gun and with the help of years of practice I shot Julie right on her head. The bang was deafening and it stunned us all. Matt tried to reach for the gun yelling "NO" but it was way too late.

Matt's son Damon ran away but before I could do anything about it Matt pushed me back with shocking strength considering his current state. He punched my gut but I was stronger. I gave him one sharp blow on his head and pushed him against the wall with my hands around his neck, strangling him to death. He made chocking noises trying to pry away my hands but then suddenly went limp as I put an end to my ex-best friend's life.

I stepped away from his body, picking up my gun I went looking for his four-year-old son. It wasn't hard to find him. There he was not doing such a good job at hiding under the dining table. I reloaded and held my gun in position ready to shoot the boy as well. But as I peeked under to see Damon pushed against the chair hugging his knees as he cried silent tears, memories of Katherine flashed in my mind.

Her words, "second chances are not given to make things right. But are given to prove that we could be better even after we fall", rang through my mind. And I finally understood. I lowered the gun and instead raised my empty hand. When Damon didn't respond I spoke in a soothing voice, "its okay. I'm scared too." 

I saw the flicker of hope in his eyes as he hesitantly reached out for my hand. This wasn't his second chance. It was mine.

Author's Note

I'm still sixteen so pls forgive my.. Um.. Childishness? Btw, got this idea from a movie, hope its okay

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I like the overall idea of this convoluted situation, but I'm also a little confused about the relationships between people. Still, it's not necessary to understand these relationships, becuz the story is still compelling & interesting & leaving us with a lesson that's thought-provoking. I think your story is fine the way it is, but I'm also noticing that there's a teensy bit of "hurrying" happening here. I think if you slowed yourself down & took an extra minute to introduce each of your characters when they first appear in your story, this might help us understand the relationships. But I also get the idea that you are just giving us a "whoosh" effect of action while intentionally being mysterious about the players, as a storytelling style. Sometimes everything doesn't have to be crystal clear in a story! (((HUGS)))

[Chase Wolff]

Fantastic idea, but I'd like to see it more drawn out. I feel like it moves along a bit too quickly and renders it a bit difficult to follow. The beinning was a nice idea, but needs more explanation. I can see you tried, but it just wasn't a fantastic hook. Try again though! Keep working out your idea until you have something huge to show the world. The ending was brilliant. It could had been expanded upon a little more, but it sure was a fantastic ending. Makes you wonder what will happen to the main character (Keith, right?). Will he be arrested? Go into hiding? Killed by Matt? Nice cliffhanger.

[Red Rose]

Okay I'll work on it. Thank you for your review!

[Ashish]

You have nicely written and showed the emotions of the character.
I like the line "say hello to fate"
Haha..
Thanks for sharing :)

[Red Rose]

Thanx! :)

[Sikandar Khan]

Nice Writing I Think its based on Sidarth Malhotra Ek Villian hehehehrhe

[Red Rose]

Lol yeah it is.. The first time I joined writers cafe, I just tried out this story and submitted it here to see if it's worth it.

[Sikandar Khan]

Ohhh goood job..

[Cy!]

I love this! I read it and simply loved the way you planned this whole story out. I am not claiming a winner yet... but so far this story is one of the best

Also the picture of chess, goes so well with this story of Fate. I would have never thought of that. Beautiful work!

~LG

[Red Rose]

Thanks a lot! Even if I don't win it's okay. Your review is more than enough. :)

[Joshua Ramirez]

There might be no need for any kind of extra parts... IF, this was the only part. I think that if you can put together everything you have, there is a clear understanding of what happened.
I'm not an expert on stories, but I was able to comprehend.
Though, there should be a second part, because the story is amazing.
Right at the beginning, you right into the action, someone is dying... wow... it is violent, but it has very good imagery and the philosophy behind it too is great, without knowing any background information...
I could see myself in the speaker's shoes (Keith), could feel the tension, it was too real lol.
I did not expect him to shoot the wife immediately, but I suppose their was justification in his moment of emotional frustration. I enjoyed the "second chance" message.
He lost his child because of Matt, and now he has another chance at that "child" he would not have gotten in the form of Damon.
Truly excellent piece, and with this much violence, I don't see any childishness.

[Red Rose]

Thanx Jo! It feels great to know that someone appreciates what you do.

[annalysiar]

No childishness here. This is wonderfully done. I love the emotion. The setting. The detail. This is beautifully crafted. And i do hope you continue it. I feel it works either way you decide. Thisnwas very gripping and very emotional. Great write

[Red Rose]

I'm smiling like crazy here! Thanx a lot!

[Michael X]

This is written with a sense of theatrics that mimics a thriller. Raw and fitting. I agree with Mark as well. Passionate and dramatic! Thanks for sharing!

[Red Rose]

Thanx! I appreciate it. ^-^

[M. Mae Ringquist]

Wow, what just happened? I loved it but, wow, okay, I am still trying to figure it out. You did do a pretty good job at explaining what was going on but I'm still confused. I think you should write a second part to this explaining the aftermath and possibly even adding a few flashback scenes so we, as the readers, can grow to feel the emotions that he is feeling. Like introducing us farther to Kate and make us care about her as a character, the same could be done with Matt but instead of making us care about him help us feel Keith's rage. Its just a suggestion though so your not obliged to do anything.:)

[Red Rose]

I guess ur right. I'll work on it as soon as possible. Thanx!

[matrixmark]

Great intro which should hold any readers attention; emotionally charged right from the off - then comes the tension.

Never use capitals though when someone is shouting - just write the dialogue as normal but use the exclamation mark at the end.

Your sentencing is very well proportioned - not too long pr too short - it's just write.

Your dialogue usage is good, crips and clear. My only criticism with it is that when one you change from one person talking to the next, try and separate it with a new start of a sentence.

Enjoyable read - easy on the eye and a good story too.

Mark.

[Red Rose]

Oh. Okay. Looks like there is a lot I have to learn. Thank you. I appreciate it.

[matrixmark]

It was a great read...it really was. Don't take the comments as negative - they are not meant to be that way - it's a friendly nudge in the right direction, thats all

Mark.