the swedish spit shine

I have a confession to make. I've had an infatuation with swedish dishcloth's for some time now. I will spend hours on end watching YouTube videos of people cleaning up messes with swedish dishcloth's with great interest. But mostly, it's the products ability to retain water without dripping that really twist my giblets.

When you think about it, it's the ideal wetness to slapness ratio of a weapon for the perfect face slap. Or what I like to call, "The Swedish Spit Shine". The weapon that leaves no evidence. All the pain, none of the shame.

Due to my frugalness, I've never purchased the John Wick of dish cloths due to it's price, and also to not having any enemies to unleash upon such devastation. But now they were mark down half off, telling me that the time for foreplay has ended.

Soon I will have the weapon of my obsession. But this assassin has no target. There's no way to commit the perfect crime when the wet cloth of justice has no face to lay upon it's wet deadly kiss. There's no other choice. It's got to be a random act, of smack! An unwilling victim of convenience.

It could even be you. One minute you think you're going to receive a greeting. Instead, you're accepting your fate of getting absolutely obliterated by a cleaning product that is subtle, soft, and wet. Yet, it leaves not a drop of liquid evidence upon your surprised face. Now you're yet another victim of the swedish dishcloth ninja 🥷

Author's Note

This is quite stupid