the boner fairy

Feeling good about myself. Helped someone through their relationship and I don't even know him. Get a lot of telemarketing phone calls from guys in India trying to sell me knock off Viagra, all the time.

So I get the usual phone call today, "hello, my name is Fred (ya right) and I'm from the US pharmacy. Do you need any Cialis or Viagra today?"

And I'm all like, oh hey Fred. You just called me yesterday man. Look. Are you lonely? Is this why you're always call me? Maybe you need to go out in this vast and find someone that quits turning you down like me. There's someone out there for you man. Someone that you can soon feed that Viagra to and give you the humping you're looking for.

And he's all like, no it's not like that. I have a girlfriend. And then I'm all like, then why aren't you calling her? Are you sure it's not a man you're looking for? Maybe that's why you thinking about my manly junk swimming in your magic boner juice.

And then he's all like, no it not like that.. and I stopped him mid sentence, "Fred, you're calling me all the time man.' just hang up, talk to your woman. She needs you man. She wants you. She wants you to take that jungle juice and go Spanish conquistador on her native lands.

And he's all like, we don't talk like we used to. And then I'm all like, Fred, because you're always calling me trying to solve the case in the back of my mystery machine. Hang up. Go to her.

And so he hung up. Probably getting laid now. Not me though. Just blew my chance on my damn moral justifications.