Twilight walking

Today was a great day of numbing. The weather was intoxicating for a late February day. The 70 degree heat wave brought heavy rains. They stopped after a while and we were in transition. It was still warm, but the inevitable cold front was ever looming.

I took advantage of the warmth, and set out on a long walk.  I live in the country and there are no neighbors for miles. I only had two hours before darkness would set in. I was having such a good time that I didn't want the walk to end.

It might have been the endorphins, but I was in such a good mood. A state of calmness had enveloped me. I was walking back home in the twilight. I had barren trees of forest on either side of me. A slight wind through the trees, and the sound of my feet on the dirt gravel road were there only things echoing in ears.

It felt like I was in purgatory. It was a scary and eerie situation. But I was so calm, and at peace. I was unafraid and it felt like I was walking into heaven or hell.  Each side of the forest was pulling at me with the warm touch of angels, and cold dead hands of demons. 

Not tonight..... Death will starve on the fearless.

I walked on.

Author's Note

Any thoughts would be appreciated. Good or bad. I love criticism.

Reviews

[JayG]

I’m not going to make you happy, I’m afraid. But you did ask…

Here’s the thing: when you read those words the voice you hear in your head is alive with emotion. It changes intensity, cadence, and uses all the tricks of verbal storytelling.

But…all of the emotional content of the words is held in that performance only you can hear. You know, before you begin to read, who’s speaking, and why. You know what motivated this person to act. You know the intent of this piece of writing. But ONLY you know that. The reader reading has your words, but for meaning, they have only what those words suggest to THEM, based on their life-experience, not yours. And your intent? It never makes it to the page.

You say, “It felt like I was in purgatory. It was a scary and eerie situation.” As a reader, do you want to know what it felt like to the character, or do you want to be made to feel it, yourself, as if it’s happening to you? When you read a horror story, do you want to learn that the protagonist feels terror, or do you want the reader to terrorize you, and make you afraid to turn off the lights? See the problem? You’re explaining events in the same way an essay or chronicle of events would. As such it might have value for you, to help recall a special memory. But as the first chapter of a story? It’s too dispassionate, and too much of an overview to draw a reader in. And if we don’t make them WANT to turn the page (or better yet, need to) they won’t.

It’s not a matter of talent, or how well you’re writing. It’s that no one tells us, when we’re in school, that we learn only a set of general skills designed to make us useful to future employers, who need only writing skills, which inform—nonfiction skills. But fiction’s goal is to entertain, so it requires a parallel, but different, set of skills. And of course, since we can’t use, or even seek, a tool we’re not aware exists, we never go looking for those skills. So when we come to recording our stories, we use the skills we already own—which means you have a LOT of company.

But it’s simple enough to fix: add the tricks of writing fiction for the page to your existing skills. Of course, simple and easy aren’t quite the same. The not-easy part is that like any other skill, perfecting, and remembering to use those new tools takes time and practice. But that’s true of any other profession, so it’s not a big deal. It just means that you’re not going to be a rich and famous author by Christmas. But then, neither am I.

A really good place to begin is the local library’s fiction writing section, where you’ll find books by publishing pros, noted teachers, and successful writers. You might also want to poke around in the writing articles in my blog for an idea of the issues involved. They were written with the hopeful writer in mind.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

[Shy Joe]

What do you mean "not going to make me happy"? About damn time you reviewed one of my pieces.

Appreciate the honest review. I admit, I write from my own perspective about what I feel without enough detail to make the reader feel what I feel. Definitely need to start working on making the reader feeling like part of the story. Need to quit being so selfish, I guess. More details for the reader are in order.

I will definitely use your suggestions. Thank you for the great review. Thank you for reading.

[Anjali]

Being a writer, I could never describe well about the weather in writing. Kudos to you for writing in detail and making me as a reader feel I was being transported to your chapter.

[Re-Pete]

this is quite good. i like the way you have captured the strange feeling of an unusually warm day in february and how it is just transitory and won't last. it flows ok. the only changes i would suggest are minor ones of wording.

I live in the country and there are no neighbors for miles.
instead of
I live out in the country so there are no neighbors for miles.

I only had two hours before darkness would set in. I was having such a good time that I didn't want the walk to end.
instead of
So I only had 2 hours before dark. Well, I was having such a good time, I didn't want the walk to ever end.

the superlatives & words that i eliminated don't really add anything and take away from the smooth flow of the write, in my humble opinion. its a nice write of feeling and you did it well. i can relate because i know that feeling and just experienced it - was 70 where i live wednesday and snowed thursday. strange ...

[Shy Joe]

Thank you for the suggestions and kind words. It seems that every February has this weird transition in weather. Living in the Mid West makes it so much more common.

I will definitely use the suggestions you have given. Thank you for the review Pete.

[Re-Pete]

welcome joe. my pleasure.