leave me unchained

I learned a lesson today and I was not even at school.
I will probably never stop drinking.
I quit for a while, but I was in so much pain.
I didn't even feel like myself sober.

I drank today.
I feel so much better, I guess.
I feel more creative.
I feel like me.
The anxiety is gone.
I am smiling.
I was told I am hurting myself.

I was hurting myself, just to make a few happy.
I don't care anymore.  I can't handle that again.
You have no idea how much that hurts.
I guess I am selfish for this.
I am a bad "person" to make such a decision.

just leave me alone
i wish i could tell them that
but that's the funny part
i don't need them, they need me