On the hook.

Some girl confesses her feelings to Mario and he doesn't handle the situation very well.

She told him she liked him, and all Mario said was, “Thanks.” 

 

It wasn’t a surprise to him when he saw her face go from nervous to disappointed. Really though, what kind of response did she expect from someone who was currently in a six-year relationship. Was he supposed to lie to her and say he liked her too? Did she think Mario was just going to up and leave his girlfriend for her?

 

Mario was not that kind of person, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t an idiot. After he gently rejected her, he made the mistake of telling her that he was in a bad place with his current girlfriend and that he used her as some sort of “replacement.” This gave the girl hope, she was on his hook, and he did not mean to get her there.

 

News got out that Mario and his girlfriend, Christina, had broken up. It was not long until the girl that confessed tried making her move again. Mario, being the idiot that he was, entertained her, and the two flirted a bit. After some time, when Mario finally came to his senses, he started looking for the perfect moment he could tell the girl that he does not like her, and that she’s got no chance. He wanted her off his hook.

 

It was anything but perfect. Mario, being the idiot he was, talked about this other girl he liked " this was about two months after he was broken up " and it was counter productive. You have to understand; it wasn’t like he just talked about Annette out of nowhere. He’d mention Annette’s name in conversations he’s had with the girl that confessed.

“There’s this cute girl, her name’s Annette,” he'd say. There were time's he'd also bring her name up out of nowhere, “Dude! This Annette girl is really cool.” Mario even said he liked Annette this one time. “Dude. I’m so smitten by Annette! She’s so cool and I’m not sure but I think maybe she likes me too!”

 

Mario thought that by then it was pretty obvious that he didn’t like her, he liked Annette. The girl that confessed said that she figured and that there were no hard feelings because she didn’t like him anymore. Mario wasn’t sure if he believed her or not because she also knew that Mario wasn’t going to get together with Annette (not anytime soon at least). Annette was currently in a six-year relationship, and she was not that kind of person.

Reviews

[Schatzi]

Hello ShyGuyShares,

This is an interesting story. Is it a prologue? Or simply a short story? I found a sentence or two that had some wording issues. For instance, "The girl that confessed told Mario that she knew and it was cool because she didn’t like him anymore." It's obvious you only meant to use either confessed or told but when you edited your work you forgot to delete the other word. We all do this! I can't tell you how many times I have found this same error in my writing.

Anyway, the only other thing I feel I should address is the second to last paragraph.

“There’s this cute girl, her name’s Annette.”
“Dude! This Annette girl is really cool.”
“Dude. I’m so smitten by Annette! She’s so cool and I’m not sure but I think maybe she likes me too!”

I found this a bit confusing. Is it a dialogue in his head or is it two people conversing or three? Perhaps you could add a space to show that it is separate people speaking or make it all one solid paragraph if it is one person speaking. In saying this, I am sure that this is meant to convey more than one person speaking but I wanted to show examples of the different ways it could be interpreted by the reader.

I hope you take my review in the spirit in which is meant, to help, not hinder your creativity. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Thank you for sharing your story!

Kind regards,

Schatzi

[ShyGuyShares]

Thanks for the review! I'll reread through this work again. Haha revisions don't ever end do they? Anyway I was originally thinking of expanding this story, but I was strapped for time and had to submit this for my class! Thanks for the tips I'll take them into account :)

Also, the second to the last paragraph was supposed to be snippets of how Mario talks to the girl