The One Who Remains a Memory!

Need I say more? The title says it all, I just wish I hadn't lost that person

The One Who Remains a Memory

Waking up to a glorious sunshine one day

I ran my hand through the moist grass covered with dew

Thoughts, running frantically out of my way

I thought,I do have friends,but,so few.

I saw my shadow, vary in length

As I sat on the rock, a silhoutte,

Thoughts,their pace set, volume gained

Meant for those who stood by me, stout.

The rays of the blazing sun,fell hard on my eyes

A cloudless, blue and chaste sky,loomed over it

I watched the horizon dazzle with colours,black orange and blue,

Thoughts, they singled out one amazing scrawny git.

The chores of the day began around me

It smelt of fresh flowers, with the buzzing bees in the air

Thoughts, focussed on this little lady, one with , a mind carefree

One who had a patient ear to lend, one, who was fair.

The roses bloomed red and bright, colours spread and fade,

The lonely swallow chirped about, hard to follow

Thoughts, they led my frivolous mind, to everything she wrote or said,

Every conversation revered, advice swam in waters so shallow.

I snapped out of the reverie, to see a train of ants,

Crawling around with food, morsels of their work, for winter,

Thoughts, they fly back, to wonderful times, of legends who have fallen

United with understanding, protecting from wear and tear.

Thus, the morning came to it's f*g end, the heat so harsh,

I started the strut back home,slow steps reluctant,so old

Thoughts, they couldn't tell me as we drift away, hoping for the best,

What the day beholds and how the future shall unfold.

-Shubham Chattopadhyay

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Memories become gold with time. First kiss, first dance and first view of the beauty in our world. I like your thoughts and places you took me with the poem. A strong ending to a outstanding poem.
Coyote

[Shubham's View]

Yes, i agree with you on that! Imagery is what i hope to exploit! Thanks a lot, Coyote!

[Shubham's View]

True to every word, Mr. Coyote! Thank you for the review!

[anxia]

'The chores of the day began around me
It smelt of fresh flowers, with the buzzing bees in the air
Thoughts, focussed on this little lady, one with , a mind carefree
One who had a patient ear to lend, one, who was fair.' Love it!

[Shubham's View]

Thank you Anxia!
The person who this was written for deserved that and more! :')

[anxia]

Aww the persons like super lucky doesnt she realize it?!?!

[Shubham's View]

Nope! And probably never will! :D

[B30]

This is very very good! Warm, detailed and coupled with some lines that I am just in awe and in favour of.

The roses bloomed red and bright, colours spread and fade,
The lonely swallow chirped about, hard to follow
Thoughts, they led my frivolous mind, to everything she wrote or said,
Every conversation revered, advice swam in waters so shallow.

That is my favourite stanza so far! Good poem I must say :D

[Shubham's View]

Thank you B30!
Hope to keep you awed this time around! ^_^

[Becca Bishop]

As always, super duper awesome amazingly fantastical!!!!! Do I really need to say it? Fine I will: this is really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really REALLY good work. There's 134 ;) I counted!!!! Dex says he likes it too, by the way. Silly cat.

I'm not gonna lie: for some reason, I'm a sucker for the word "silhouette" so as soon as I saw that I decided that this is my favorite poem ever. That's right. I said EVER :D I love how you describe the normal things we see everyday - well not today of course because it's snowing >:( - as chores. I'd never really thought of them that way before. To us humans, bees buzzing from flower to flower or ants gathering food seems....cute, I guess. Or interesting. But to them it must be a chore. Alright, I sound demented :P Shutting up now.

But now criticizing Becca's come :( Sorry. Maybe you could hold up on the commas a bit? Not that I don't like commas or anything - quite the contrary. In fact: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, There. 133 :D Anyway, WAY OFF SUBJECT HERE!!!! Hehe :P Where was I? Oh yes, socks. No wait.....

So a little less with the commas and....other than that it's great! :D :D :D :D :D
Good job :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D (you can just pretend there's 133 there cause there's no way I'm typing that many smiley faces) :D

P.S. my favorite lines were: "Thoughts, they fly back to wonderful times; of legends who have fallen/ United with understanding, protecting from wear and tear."
P.P.S. my favorite words were: "silhouette", "horizon", "buzzing" (onomatopoeia!!!), and "on".
P.P.P.S. I'm having way too much fun with these post scripts
P.P.P.P.S. Smiley face attack!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
P.P.P.P.P.S. Ok, I'll stop bugging you now.
P.P.P.P.P.P.S. By the way, thanks for sending me the read request! :D
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I wonder how many post scripts this is....
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Post post post post post post post post post.... script!!!
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Ok, I really am done now
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Good job!!!!

[Shubham's View]

Ah, you're back! I as wondering where you'd trotted off, thought that girl finally did make a break for it! or maybe this is after you were hauled back! :D
Thank you for the 134 "really"s yet again! :D
And the commas yes, they are there to establish that rhythm you told me about in your last review! Of all his imperfections, Dex might actually be a nice at at heart :D
Henceforth the word silhouette shall be added to every poem I write! Maybe then everything I write shall be a favourite of yours :D
Well I've felt snowfall only once and it was quite indescribable!
Though I cannot describe an overload of snow, but hey, after it hardens you can make Dex a snowcat and a snowman for yourself!
Yes, ofcourse! For them it is a way of guaranteeing food supplies for the winter, very hard workers these tiny folks are!
What about those socks? Woolen red ones?
Hahahahahaha :D :D
You should be a full time comedian ^_^
The neighbour's dog wandered by to check why I'm laughing this loud, disturbing his sleep. Not as if he doesn't bark enough to remove the peace out of mine! :D

[Becca Bishop]

Yup, I'm back *dramatic music plays* mwahahahahaha!! :P Been on vacation and getting ready for the end of the term...
Anyway. You deserved the 134 reallys. You do. Really. Aren't post scripts fun? As for Dex, I think he's just gotten so messed up living with my family that he likes any other human he encounters but us. Oh well. Cats. What else is there to say? If you find a way to incorporate silhouette into every poem then I'll send you a million smiley faces :P I kid you not.
You're so lucky you haven't ever really seen snowfall. Lucky duck i: If I could, I'd send it all over to you. Then I wouldn't have to shovel our driveway and that would make me really really really.....anyway. I'm not gonna get into that :D
My socks are read and green and super fuzzy. Wore them to school today and got a lot of odd looks. Honestly....maybe one day I'll just come to school with a giant sock as a hat. I wonder what would happen???? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...........................................Sorry. I felt like holding the "m" key down :P So I did. And it was super duper fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[Shubham's View]

Oh Where did you go for vacation
Thank you!
Yeah it reminds me of this one time I had 11 postscripts in an exam letter and my teacher went nuts! :D
Poor Dex! Why doesn't he run away :P
Oh trust me I will try incorporating it, without any ado!
You'll end up looking like Dobby :D :D
Oh I'd so like to count the number of 'm's but my looney li'l brother wants to sit at MY computer for HIS project. God repair his asap!

[The Invisible Girl]

Beautiful poem!! I loved it! It was like reading a story in a poem format! :)
100/100

[Shubham's View]

Thank you so much Invisible Girl! watch out for more ^_^

[S]

You tell a wonderful story in poem form; good luck in the competition :)

[Shubham's View]

Thank you yet again! Competition or no competition, as long as people find something to read in my work, I am the happiest guy around!