I look at the stars...

I look at the stars,
And remember that face,
which I tried to forget,
But which has already forgotten me.

I look at the stars,
And remember those moments,
in which I lived my life,
But are now curse to someone.

I look at the stars,
And rememder that smile,
which made my day beautiful,
But which I can never see now.

I look at the stars,
And remember your words,
which pierced my heart like an arrow,
But were nothing more than words to you.

I look at the stars,
And remember that day,
when my life ended,
But was a new beginning for you.

I look at the stars,
And remember the promise that I made,
that I will never remember you,
But I still can't end my pain.

I look at the stars....

Reviews

[DaughterNature]

This is a really nice idea, but I lose what you are specifically trying to say. Poetry is all about brevity, so EVERY word you choose is important -- the more specific/detailed the words you use, the less cliched/more original your imagery, the better it will be!

[Sarah Lynn]

Great poem! So much emotion! I loved it !

[Jordan]

thank you, Sarah.

[dw817]

⊰ℛℛ⊱
Well written, Jordan. Just remember, when you are looking at the stars - they are also looking at you - and winking - possibly knowingly. Hang in there, it'll all come out in the wash. :)

[Jordan]

thank you... :)

[Dominic Shaya]

Good use of lingua, like a puppeteer pulling strings.cool

[Jordan]

thank you, Dominic...

[Dominic Shaya]

Good use of lingua, like a puppeteer pulling strings.cool

[Dominic Shaya]

Good use of lingua, like a puppeteer pulling strings.cool

[Dominic Shaya]

Puppet-master, cool use of language

[KaliAnn]

I liked the idea =) very pretty. Try to add some really unique details. Ones that are specific to the person you are talking about. If you do that and spice up the vocab a bit, this could be really great =)

[Jordan]

thank you... :)

[icelandicblue]

I love the repetitive "I look at the stars" it works so very well in this piece- it adds a hypnotic flavor to those thoughts that float around us and sometimes hold us hostage as we lose ourselves looking at the stars.

[Jordan]

Thank you....

[JessicaGadziala]

This is very nice. Powerful emotions conveyed well. My only critique would be that it trips me up reading it a bit when you have "which" twice in each stanza. It could work just as easily like: "I look at the stars, And remember that face, which I tried to forget, But has already forgotten me."

But either way... good work :)

[Jordan]

I used "which" twice only in one stanza... but thank you so much for reading it... :)