bipolar

I was typing I miss you in my keyboard Before I stopped myself
I replaced it with ive been worried about you
That’s because I realized this isn’t about me
Its about you and all your flaws
And thinking you’re too good
But you’re not.
When In reality I’ve spent so much rime wondering why I couldn’t be enough for you
Why wouldn’t you ever see past me
I wonder if you’ll ever read my writing and know it’s about you
And wonder how I felt that day
I still look at your picture
Your posture says all I need to know
You beg me to stay but don’t want any part of me
You pull me in again and i feel regretful
I have flashbacks to 2 years ago
When you had your hands on my skin
And I take a deep breath because that feeling is too much to bear
And My mind sings the saddest song It can think of
And I look at your picture again
And I read your messages over and over
Trying to find a silver lining
Maybe there’s some hidden message I’m supposed to see
Am I reading between the lines too much or not enough
I remember walking miles to see your face
That’s all I wanted
Now ive seen it and I’m not as impressed as I used to be
Everyone has skeletons in their closet
And your bones are in mine
I’ve pushed it way back and imagined myself scrubbing you off my skin while I shower
And I ripped all the pages out of my notebook that talk about you
And when I wake up from my dreams of you I cry and scream and beg myself to just stop thinking about you
It’s been too long for this
I’m trying to heal
And I remember that one movie I saw that doctors scrubbed their brains of any memories of someone While they sleep
And I wish I could do the same
But your face
I don’t want If that’s something I want to forget
But I’m not sure I want to see it again either.
I can tell myself maybe this time it will be different.
But it won’t.
You know that.
I don’t know that yet.