I could scream this

F**k this s****y f*****g breakup. I literally didn't do anything wrong to you. I treated you so well despite the fact I got angry quickly. Problems were taken care of and its not my fault you were still upset about them. I got angry because I put so much time and effort into making you happy when you were never f*****g happy with anything I did. Ever. I just don't get it. Why am I miserable and missing you over this when I did nothing wrong and I shouldn't be. Maybe you're right and maybe I'm an a*****e, but I know that everything that I did and said I did with intentions to make you feel better or not be mad at me for whatever problem you decided to have that week. What actually was the f*****g problem. Don't you dare tell me I didn't listen or we didn't talk about things when you're the one who got mad at me and didn't talk to me for 2 days over some stupid s**t. I made MORE than enough effort to resolve things and I went out of my way doing that and when I did you were still upset about it and still threw things in my face. Yet it was my fault. That doesn't make sense whichever way you word it. It actually makes me really angry how much time I spent making someone else happy when I'm f*****g miserable now.
I wasn't refusing to say anything to your face. I didn't want to talk to you. I was already having a bad day and hear more about how s****y I am wasn't really going to do my any good. So I left it alone to avoid contact. Yes, I got angry and I said I hated you. Did I mean that? Idk what I mean anymore. Right now I feel just about as s****y as I can feel because everything that's going on is a bunch of bs and I was left for some s****y reason.
When I sat down to talk to you i didn't want to be angry. As much as I showed that I was I didn't want to be an a*****e so I waited. And I think that was more mature than trying to walk into it with baggage from things that didn't even have anything to do with you. Sorry for trying to be HALF nice about it. I don't even want to argue with you anymore. It's making my head hurt and making me feel worse. It's still the same as arguing like when we were together except I don't say sorry after because I have no reason to when you'll hate me anyways.
And I never said this was just to throw it back in your face that I dislike you more now. Because 1.) that's not true 2.) that was not my reason for texting you. I don't know WHY I texted you but that isn't it. If I was that text would've been significantly longer and meaner. But at this point I have nothing mean to say to you. I'm just trying to figure out what the f**k I did wrong when I was spending so much time TRYING to make you happy.
Because if I didn't actually give a s**t I wouldn't be awake at 1 in the morning trying to figure it out.
And my upset and frustration isn't in moments anymore. It's just all the time. Yanno what no I don't f*****g hate you. That would be impossible. I hate what you did and what you're doing to me. You're just being s****y and it sucks. A lot. And I literally cannot describe to you how aggravated I feel with it.
If you wanna have some s**t conversation face to face about God knows what then fine. But don't expect me to get mad and yell, (cause clearly that's what you want for whatever reason). I'm not angry. I've never been angry. I've been hurt. It's been a month and all I've done in this month is get hurt and I'm all ears for someone that wants to say some more mean stuff to me while I say nothing.
I don't hate you. This just f*****g sucks. And you can't tell me it doesn't. And don't say we were a poor match because things COULD'VE worked out, you just didn't want to give it the time to do that or let me try to do it. And by the way saying "I gave you an additional 8 months to fix things" is a wrong statement considering YOU asked ME if I wanted to get back together in October. I was doing my own thing. It sucked then too but I wasn't as emotionally drained or hurt at that point. NOW I'm am emotionally drained and hurt and it really sucks.
"Don't stick your dick in crazy" And by the way, yeah I think you're an a*****e. But I don't hate you.
And I'm not "dealing with my anger poorly". I'm not angry. I'm might not know how to deal with other emotions properly (neither do you) but the very last emotion I feel is anger. If I was angry I wouldn't have wasted my time texting you about it because I'm always angry about something whether it's because of you or not.
I am never going to be over this. And I've learned that. You can't not tell me about problems and randomly leave me for things I don't know about whether you explain them at that time or not. That means thing were left unresolved (like you said you hated) and I didn't get any type of closure in the situation. Of course you're fine and doing okay. You weren't the one that got left after a year and a half long relationship with someone you thought you'd be with forever. You got the good end of this because I would've NEVER left you no matter how many problems because I knew things would work out in the end and I was always the one who had hope for that. My optimism apparently got me nowhere and still doesn't. And treating you like a king while I felt like an old maid apparently Got me nowhere either. I know and you should know too that I did everything in my power to make you happier than I was during that relationship. And no I was never unhappy because of you. If I was I made it known why, you waited until last minute to tell me how unhappy you were so I had absolutely no way of knowing anything until it was too late for me to do anything about it. I still try to make you happy and I'm not spiteful about anything, there's more than enough things I could've done to be a spiteful a*****e. But I didn't because your happiness is still more important than mine and that's what sucks the most.
I STILL am not even putting myself first. After all this time you think I would've but I haven't. Yes, saying I hate you was a mistake and I'm sorry. Like I said, I hate what you're doing. That's the part of you that I hate. And I do mean that. But I can't hate the same part of you that I love because that wouldn't make any sense to say. And I can't move on from anything until I have some sort of closure and I just don't think I'm ever going to feel that.

Reviews

[AaronFreitas]

Okay but now I want to know how you really feel.... lol just kidding :) I loved... as pure and honest as can be. I am sure that just by writing all this s**t out it feels much better. Well you are a beautiful woman and will find someone that doesn't thing you're an a*****e and that loves you for all the amazing things you do and not the few negatives :) Good write

[Justin]

that was really good :) it had alot of emotion in it, it covered all the emotions in it :) great job :)