Devin is amazing.

I mean , I want to talk. About everything I want to know your birthday and the worst fight you’ve ever gotten into and if you like one sibling more than the other and what you wanted to be when you grew up when you were seven and your dream vacation and the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you and if therapy helped and the hardest thing you’ve experienced and how you overcame it and if you like what you see when you look in the mirror and if you think appearances matter in a relationship or at all and your favorite movie and which books changed your life and the hardest you’ve ever cried and which grandparent you loved the most and if the words “we need to talk” make you sick to your stomach and why and which holiday is your favorite and which season and which color and if you like rain and if you’re scared of dying and if you believe in god and if you have allergies and to what and what your favorite food is and restaurant and if you like to cook and whether or not you care about cleanliness and what your political views are and if you’re a feminist and your favorite flower and song and if you’d rather own a cat or a dog and if you’d shave off all your hair to give it to a little girl going through chemotherapy and where you’d like to live and honeymoon and what kind of gum and candy you like and what you act like when you’re mad and what you think your spirit animal is and which flower you’d be and who you admire and which traits you wish were more dominant and if you ever worry you’re a s****y person and what hurt you the most and why you ever thought you were worthless and how someone can make you feel better when you’re sad and if you prefer hugs or kisses and what your house looks like and what your dream car is and which celebrity you think lives the most tragic life and why you think people become so cold and what you think about nature vs nurture and if you believe in heaven and aliens and mermaids and reincarnation and the bible and which feeling is your least favorite and what was the best day you ever had and what would be the best day and if you see yourself as the protector or one who needs protecting and how you deal with your pain and what you would do if you had 100 million dollars and if you think wealth affects people’s morals and what good you think writing is and if you could do it all over, would you and what would you change and what mistake was your biggest and which language you wish you spoke fluently and how many people you’ve loved and if you realize you’re remarkable and how you think we could improve the education system and what you think of people who commit suicide and if you think they’re selfish and what you say to them before they did it if you could and what your favorite memory of your childhood is and how you take your tea or if you prefer coffee and when you last wrote someone a handwritten letter and what the best gift you ever received was and what the best piece of advice was and when the last time you cried was and if you’re competitive about board games and which is your favorite and if you feel pressured to settle down and what you notice first in a person and what your top three pet peeves are and if you have any phobias and what you’ve always wanted to do but don’t have the courage to go through with and what you do when you feel overwhelmingly sad and if you ski and if plastic surgery was 100% safe and painless, would you get it and where and why and where you think home is and if you think politeness is important and what you think of indecisive people and if you think there’s ever a reason to go to war and something that scares you and if you believe in therapy and what you want in life and what you look for in a partner and what you want to change about yourself and about the world and who you want to be and who you are. just tell me who you are.
1.i don't know, i dislike them all equally, i never could decide what i wanted to be. Being on my own would be a vacation in its own right. Middle school is my worst embarresment. Therapy helps a lot because its someone who's detatched from my life. Going through my younger childhood was hard, but the little things i had got me through. I see a face i don't always recognize, and the thoughts behind it. Appearences matter, not as much as personality though. I dont have a favorite movie. A Child Called It indirectly changed my views, it was abuse and at the time it's all i was getting. I don't remember the last time i cried, i'm never able to because i can't. I like my grandmother the best, because i could always talk about my feelings and not have to worry about being judged. Those words always ensue after something bad just happened in my family, so it terrifies me. I like my birthday the best because it reminds me i'll be old enough for myself one of those days. I like spring, it's always beautiful and the weather is perfect. I love colors, but any shade of the sky would be my favorite. I like rain, and especially the smell the morning after. I'm not afraid of death, it's what happens after that that's scary. If there is a God, he likes to watch his people suffer. I don't accept 'higher beings', nothing that 'caring' would create such scarred people. No allergies. I love chocolate. Cooking is an art, i've just never had the opertunity to try it. California Pizza Kitchen, i go there every year i go into Boston with my Grandfather. I'm not a germophobe, but basic hygene's important. Politics vary on the time of year. I believe in gender equality. Flowers in general are beautiful. Car Radio, because it best describes how i am. I'm not into pets because i never had the time for them, but my grandparents had a cat when i was younger that i was attatched to. I would give that little girl my hair in a heartbeat. I want to be able to live wherever my welding takes me. I never thought about honeymooning, but marriage gives me happy feels. I like 5 Cobalt gum and jolly ranchers, along with chocolate. I either seethe and become quiet or speak my feelings more genuinely. Spirit animals were never a thought in my mind. I don't know many flowers .-. I admire anyone who's ever made it through depression or anxiety or any kind of hardship in their lives and became a better person because of it. I wish i could be more quick thinking when it comes to what reaction i should have in a social setting, but my anxiety flares in conflict and i tend to close up and agree to whatever will end the fight sooner. I think about how terrible i can be all the time. What hurt me the most was anything in middle school; i was picked on by the girl i always seemed to have a crush on, i was beaten at home, and i always hated myself for not being what everyone else could be. Most of the time when I'm down, i want to either be left as alone as i can be or to be hugged and not have to let go. Hugs and cuddling make me happy, but kisses make my heart skip. My house looks like a claustrophobic's nightmare. I want to get a jeep. I don't follow celebrities, most do something to lose my pity like abuse their fame. I think everything people do has a reason; so although i may not like them anymore i recognize somebody did something to make them that way. I don't know what nature v/s nuture means. I don't believe in anything, i accept the possibility of heaven though. Aliens are possible, we can't be the only ones in this big world. Reincarnation? Possible. The Bible? A bunch of human accounts of 'acts of God' which are all interpretations that people mistake as fact and give them a reason to create conflict. I hate feeling confliction, a lot of times i don't have a definitive emotion. The best day ever was (honestly) meeting my ex, although our relationship obviously didn't last for reasons it helped me mature and opened my eyes to how people can suffer and how i can help them. I need to be the protector, there's too many people who can't protect themselves.2.The best day ever would be the day i got married, because it means i won't be searching for who i'm 'meant' to be with anymore. I deal with pain by venting (to select people, i.e. therapist/ someone who can handle it) or shutting out whatever it is hurting me by distracting myself. Sleeps helps a lot too. If i had 100 mil, i'd donate most of it towards charities and store the rest in a bank, so i could earn my pay fairly through welding still and have something to fall back on still just in case. Wealth can f**k people up and make them greedy instead of greatful. I like writing, it helps when no one else can. It also helps me remember what I've been through and how i can learn from it. If i could relive my life with the knowledge i have now, i would. Things would be different. I would protect my mom better, speak out against the abuse, stop giving into the bullying so easily, stop being such a mindlessly angry little b*****d, get better grades the way i can now, and hold on to my friends better. I lashed out at my mom once when i was a lot younger, that's the biggest mistake i ever made. I wish i could speak japanese. I've had two people i ever had lasting feelings for, but i wouldn't know what love is. I look at what I've done sometimes, but see what more i could've managed. School needs to focus less on the class and more the individual. I think it's both selfish to take your own life, but yet selfish to keep someone away from doing so. I would only tell them that they were loved, and be there for them if i could. I remember going to a football field once as a kid with some friends during a summer, and just soaking up all the beautiful colors that day gave. I don't like tea or coffee .-. I've also never written a letter (without it being from school). The best gift i ever got was my ipod, it's let me get into my music and allowed me to talk to people. The last time i actualy managed to cry was a few years ago. I'm competitive as s**t, and i love monopoly. I dont gaf about how loud i get, lol.3.I notice a person's eyes first, should we make contact. I hate when people are a) oblivious to obvious problems and don't try to understand, b) are genuine swagfags and c) rag on people for who they are (i.e. being gay). I have monophobia (the fear of being alone), and i think I'm developing claustrophobia. I always wanted to be able to draw but it's something i don't find myself ever being happy with. I try to be alone whenever i'm terribly sad, which usually leads to me sleeping it out. No skiing. I wouldn't change anything, the only things about myself i would ever change is either my height, my lisp, or my muscularity and that is something i can change myself. Home is where the people i love and the people who love me are at. Politeness is totally important. I dunno what you mean by indecisive people. War should only be had when bad people need to be stopped. The thought of being alone scares me. I entirely believe in therapy; it's a way to hear about how a problem is from someone who can think clearly and who's emotionally detatched. I want to be happy and to make people happy. I want to be able to have more consideration and to be able to think clearly at times. I'd make more people happy if i could. I look for someone who's got similar views as me, but are still apart enough to be individual and someone i can trust, but who also trusts me. I want to be someone who can make changes in people's lives.

Author's Note

Quite lengthy , but a conversation I had a couple days ago

Reviews

[soliloquy]

wow. Did you just chug a few cups of coffee before this one? lol

sorry. I actually really like people who ask questions and are interested in others. Its a very nice quality.