World in my eyes

In just a fragment of eternity

The world in my eyes blinked out...

The sapphire blaze in the sky huffed black

Every star burnt in the funeral pyre...

The lamentation of life cried out to the breeze

As diseased mother Earth sank to her knees...

I never knew such a crippling blue-hue

Until time's nonchalance robbed me of you...

You were the gold that trophied my soul

there's no corner of the universe my heart can solace...

To live a tender moment in sync

Consciousness became my weakest link...

Reviews

[icaros13]

Anguish and agony are in your words. Deep sorrow and fear of loss... So well written. Only you can use such excruciatingly beautiful words and imagery to express such pain. I love the way I can so closely relate to this piece, as all estranged, displaced lovers can. Lovely write, dear poetess.

[David Lewis Paget]

There is such pain in this, each word torn from some sinking abyss of the soul. The ache is felt and transmitted indelibly to the reader, linking us with the pain of our own past experiences. I would only take issue with a couple of words here or there, which I think could be improved on; 'huffed', 'solace', and 'trophied' - the latter meaning of which I'm torn, between 'atrophied' and 'trophy'd'. Not sure which you meant, possibly the latter. Great work.

[Alexandria Reece]

This is so relatable it's painful. It reminds me of Borges' 'El Aleph' meets an Ancient Greek act of tragedy involving a once-crowning laurel wreath ripped asunder meets a high-contrast scene from any number of Stanley Kubrick movies... one that certainly leaves the audience dizzy (particularly perhaps '2001: A Space Odyssey'.. that flick's colours are so like this). Your words are fantastic and raw with jagged teeth.

Also, nonchalant is my favourite word... so props there.

To dieeee for, as always m'Lady.

[Kristallo]

I don't think I deserve to be compared to anything Stanley Kubrik has touched, but i'm inexplicably happy about it nonetheless! Also loved 2001, such a haunting movie! And thanks, I also use that word pretty often. You are so sweet and unfailingly kind, my deepest thanks to you.

[Alexandria Reece]

Always! You do deserve it, if I keep hitting you with it you may be apt to believe it some day! :)

[Kristallo]

Awwwe, i'm trying to work on that. It's so hard to discern between genuine compliments and people just being kind for the sake of nicety. But I do believe that YOU have found something of value in them, and that alone is a most flattering realization. My pride is in your debt. :P

[Alexandria Reece]

:D!! HURRAH!!!

[Muse]

Consciousness became my weakest link...

ache...it's like saying if you listen to your heart..you are weak. To be lead by just the mind alone...is a waste of human endeavors.

My two favorite lines:


I never knew such a crippling blue-hue
Until time's nonchalance robbed me of you...

worldly sentiments.

[Kristallo]

Thank you, Muse. I'm so glad you favored that couplet in particular, it's the one that hurt the most to write. The lamentations of the heart can be futile to ignore, and are hopeless to follow. I feel that I sing the same song with different words over and over. Thanks for reading.

[Muse]

So the theme is consistent to most poets. We all write with a broken pen my friend.

[JRB]

fear, loss and love not found, often haunt our souls nicely put

[Devons]

These lines:
"I never knew such a crippling blue-hue
Until time's nonchalance robbed me of you..."
...are worth their weight in gold and justify the existence of the poem on their own. They are rather exceptional.
Although it is ultimately anti-climactic, there is enough flesh and blood remaining in this piece to satisfy the meanest of discerning eyes. Cut off the tail of this creature and evolution is perfected...

[Shmoke-Sifted Heftlande..]

pretty f'n fantastic stuff..every god damn stanza has it's own unique sinking feeling...expertly penned, like a stab into a solar flare & having a conversation with global warming playing above god's table on a small screen in an inconspicuous place on the outer cafe wall ...the unraveling of the last two stanzas tripped into my soul..I'm angry at you for saying or even implying that you can't write as well as me..you should apologize in an email with an arrogance that makes me feel small..but if you don't I forgive you, because your humility is one every great human being possesses and this was my s****y attempt at being ironic under the neon light of your mastery..shame on you, though...lol :p

[Perdition]

See... I have to return to this one and scream out that this one slows and shows your voice. Your guttural voice of pain and passion. It is a tremendous moment of poetry and the emotion well burns the words. You are one of the most intelligent poets I have ever known and sometimes the sleeve of your mind intrudes with your heart. This is not one of those poems. This is one where my gut screams YES!!! THIS IS HOW I KNOW HER SOUL!!! Perfect..again and again..Perfect..so in the light of your mind I must say...with soft and melting "crescendo'..Bravo~!! BRAVO1!

[Kristallo]

Ahh, such a sweet review. You flatter me. :) Thank you.

[Sethnicity]

I think you expect the supernatural when you write... This poem is christened with pleasantries! Frankly I enjoyed this A Lot! It's clean and places the focal point on the beautiful imagery created with the simple metaphor more than just flowery lyrics and the rhyme scheme allows the reader to stroll through the poem with little effort and enjoy whats happening more than hyperfocusing on usage.
In the words of Bruce Lee "Don't Think! Feel!" and even though it hurts so bad... It's better than numbness!

[Rosalind Gale]

You make me happy, your poems, words, thoughts, chatting to you and all. It makes the words you write so very moving, more so perhaps. It is like a little trip, a journey out of here to some dreamy, melancholic place -
Much love,
Rosa -x-

[Kristallo]

Thank you so much, Rosa.

[Rosalind Gale]

;)
-xx-

[Allie]

Such a perfect description of the way the world seems to lose all it's color and life when someone is brokenhearted or have suffered a major loss.