Coming Out: A Guide.

A guide to coming out for all the lgbtq people

Coming Out can be one of the craziest s**t you will ever attempt in your life. You are changing the entire path of your life, the center of your safe domain. However all people react differently to coming out, yet there still remains some similarities.

--The Reactions--
Lesbian:
>Who has always known: These types of people's reactions are usually based on the surroundings one finds oneself. Consequences of coming out will vary depending on how the family and friends react towards the sudden change.

>A 'Sudden' lesbian: These people will react with the stun and wave effect, they will delve inside the gay community; basking in the pride happy highs. Usually when or if a relationship starts the pride happy highs tend to diminish and they start to miss the safety of there heterosexual safe house. This happens because the sudden jump to normal and being the majority to completly vulnerable, emotional and exposed smashes you in the face. It could be as sudden as one event or over some time however the effects are just as damaging.

Gay:
>Who has always known: This is a stepping stone for glbt coming outer's. No matter what there is always a feeling of pride. With Gay men who have always known it's a sort of reassurance to come out. It lets them feel like they are appriciated and acknowledged. More often however in gay men over lesbians is internal homophobia. Which is a form of self hate, the gay man would deny and ignore their true feelings. Usually because of a moral belief, or religious opinion.

> A 'Sudden' Gay: Will take it either very well or have some sort of internal homophobia. Usually men that lived straight males for lengthy periods of time, these people will ironically have the easist time accepting the new lifestyle. However they will be behind on the lingo, kidding.

>Bisexuals: Well now.. These are a tricky bunch of people. They are sometimes targeted by members of the lgbtq community for being traitors, however their antics are completly inaccurate. Bisexuals are just as troubled by coming out as any other member. There is a b in lgBtq.. anyhow. This group however takes the cake for the stun and wave effect, they get the hardest hit. Expecially when it is a first time with a same sex partner.(see first time)

--First Time--

Relationships: First same sex relationships have many effects of people. They are complicated to understand yet oddly natural and familier. Remember you are doing something you've never experianced before. So natrually you will back off and be overwhelmed by this entire situation. You feel trapped in this world of new expectations and new repetoire. You start to understand that people change, and treat you different. They change from intrest to curiosity and you begins a very open lifestyle.

Sex: First time same sex can be mind-blowing, or awkward and unorganized. However it will always be educational because every partner is different. Some have experiance, some may not. It is advised not to rush into sex, keep it smart and practise safe and healthy activities. However im not your mother therefore i assume no liability to my words. I merely repeat what is meant to say. Sex will always be interesting, and explorative. Sensual and intimate yet keeping respect intact.

Parent Speeches: Let's face it 'mom, dad, i'm gay' dont really work for all of us. Some of us need to word it more carefully. The number 1 rule of coming out. DO NOT come out in an enclosed, confined environment. Give room for space and air to breathe. If the reciever feels encased, they will lash out and get defensive and it wont turn out well. Allow the space needed to get up and move around, or run. Whatever and however you say it, you have to be sincere and precise. Remind them that this is what you are, who you are. Stick to yourself and your decision to come out. Don't freak out. Most people's parents react a little negatively at first, but if given the proper time for understanding you can keep it from turning out really badly.

--Stages--

Stage 1: Acceptance from within. At one point in your life, you will say to yourself that this is who you are. You will have some sort of epidemy with yourself to admit that your lgbtq.

Stage 2: You become more public, assuming you stayed private. Leeking to a few closest friends, maybe a few online sites. Porno? Something that becomes the door into the world, the community.

Stage 3: Full Exposure is to be out completely, to your family and friends. This kind of sudden revelation can slow down the inital freak out of changing your life. You feel happy and relieved to be living who you are.

Stage 4: The aftermath of stage 3, the freak out begins. It is the part where you begin to feel trapped and enclosed. The happy pride high is wearing off and your starting to get hit with reality. The reality of being a miniority and the social stigma that follows you every where you go. This is the hardest thing about coming out, is adapting to the lifestyle change.

Stage 5: When you manage to control the sudden runs back to straight town, you start to fully accept your gay natruality. You are in the final stage of coming out. The relaxing calm part that shows that you have finally overcome the self pity and engulfed the pride inside your veins. To be able to understand the life you live, and what it comes with.

--Terms--

Lesbian- Female Sexually attracted to the same sex
Gay- Males attracted to the same sex
Bisexual- People of both genders attracted to both sexes
lgbtq- Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transexual, Questioning
Heterosexual- Straight
Homophobia- The fear or dislike of lgbtq

Remember this is a good time in your life, so don't stress it. Coming out can be a long process for people, there are no measures of how long each stage will take to complete or even that people will react as how I explained. But what I had mentioned earlier is the everyone is different, with certain similarites. Everyone feels the freakout, and suffocation that being naked metephorically speaking brings. What matters is how you feel, what makes you happy and smile. What you dare to explore in life, taking the risk to try something and invest time into seeing that it succeeds. Coming out is a neverending process that follows you through your journeys. But, the best advice is to talk it out. Confide in a fellow lgbtq member and contribute your experiance among yourself because you will learn how to be, and how to accept by speaking to people that have experianced what a new comer would not know.

Reviews

[Kaden Elias Sylvers]

you missed the T and the Q

[Eidolon Michael]

Hm, this is very good advise, but I do sorta agree with Heido that by doing this, it does sort of take a step back from integrating. My friends don't think of me as gay (well, they refer to me as the fun gay guy, but that's because I'm very open about it and it's an inside joke). And the use of labelling (as already said by Heido), doesn't help the matter. Don't get me wrong, I totally get where you're coming from, and understand you're just trying to be helpful, but never forget to see both the positives AND negatives of trying to be helpful in this manner.