A Tide or A Pool

This poem challenges the idiocy of the mean bullies and their blind followers, who unite, in vain, to show that they are cool.

A Tide or A Pool

The photo album speaks a story,

A life full of esteem and glory.

Put in chronological order

Might have been a psychological disorder.

 

A frail pale body

You could picture it in your head.

Tall maybe his height

But his hands were red.

 

From being his parent’s imperfect boy

To being his class’s imperfect student,

Didn’t make much difference to him

Except for messing of the ingredient.

 

He adsorbed pride

But insecurity found vestibule.

From outside he was a tide

Within he was a dirty pool.

 

Succeeded in making followers,

Who praised and supported when he fell weak

Would pick on every other innocent

Had the idea that this would hide his streak.

 

Dying, crying, fighting and lying,

The tails tried their best to suffice

But when the reality dawned on the retinue

They had already stepped on the precipice!

 

Fell with their master and burst on the floor

Traits evaporated from within the core.

Followers produced devotion

Master was all about commotion.

 

Author's Note

-Is the idea behind the poem clear?
-Are the metaphors easy to decode, or interesting or completely out-of-place?
-How is my experiment with the rhyming scheme?
-Is the poem effective, overall?
-Any other point you might want to mention.

Thank you for reading. :)

Reviews

[Muse]

Well like Pax said I thought I understood you, but then I see the pics in the end and it had me going huh? With that to the side...I did have a favorite part:

He adsorbed pride
But insecurity found vestibule.
From outside he was a tide
Within he was a dirty pool.

The ryhme..the syllable count was very fluid, I almost wished the rest of your poem followed pursuit of this.


It made me think of a person that was bullied so badly as a child..he/she grew up with a huge complex. This complex made them somewhat of a bully themselves...life becomes a charade in trying to hide his/her insecurites.

[Shivam Murari]

This indeed is what happens to most of the bullies. Like Taylor Swift sang in her song mean (photo attached) "I bet you got pushed around, somebody made you fall, but the cycle ends right now." So all the bullies are basically insecure and bullied people themselves. And as you pointed out, that stanza,I intended to be the highlighting point in the poem! And at the same time, I wanted to convey the message that NOTHING JUSTIFIES BULLYING! Even if you have been ruthlessly bullied, you can't bully anyone else, in fact one must share sympathy! :-)
Thanks for coming around and reading, fine lady :)

[Muse]

So my interpretation was right on the mark. :)

[Shivam Murari]

Yes indeed :) And I am glad I was successful in making you go "huh?" That was one of my intentions too! :P

[Tom]

It's well penned, great rhyming words used to good effect. He was an insecure chap and to compensate as he became older he turned to bullying others less able, thinking this would win him over friends and make him popular but both he and his allies soon found to their cost as they perished, they were sadly mistaken !

A substantial effort my friend !

[Shivam Murari]

Indeed they did! Such people meet such deadly ends! Thanks a lot for the brilliantly encouraging review :)

[Tom]

You're welcome my friend !

[Prritiy]

Tall maybe his height
But his hands were red.

He seemed big but he was not a big heart... wow what a way to write.
.
.
He adsorbed pride
But insecurity found vestibule.
From outside he was a tide
Within he was a dirty pool.

just maintaining false pride but from within a highly insecure person with a perverted mind due to his childhood experience.
.
.
Would pick on every other innocent
Had the idea that this would hide his streak.

A bully made...

Fell with their master

bad work always brings about downfall, never can it remain on false pedestal for long.

a very nice composition on bullies.

best wishes

[Shivam Murari]

Thanks a million Prritiy for such a detailed expression! :)

[Prritiy]

you are welcome :)

[Rajat Chandra]

Reminds me of the great Adolf Hitler! :)

[Shivam Murari]

The "Great" Adolf Hitler? :P

[Rajat Chandra]

He has been through something similar :)

[Riley Bray]

I told you I was going to get back into reviewing! HAHA! Now, *ahem,* if I may...

This poem is by far the best prod at bullies I've set eyes upon. I myself wrote one similar to this, but while I posted it recently, I wrote it so long ago that the grammar, spelling, and word choice are all horrendous and I have nowhere to begin. I think that this is the perfect example of decent writing on a topic other than murder, suicide, depression, or just, lets put it all together, anything extremely negative. On this site poems like these are rare and, lets face it, a dying breed. You've done so well on this poem and I understood every last chunk you added to it! Good job!

[Shivam Murari]

Thank you so much Riley! Your words are, wow, so encouraging. ^_^
And I hope you are keeping fine with all the work! :)

[Onku Ghosh]

Being bullied as a youngster he had become a bully himself but his downfall came soon enough. This is the gist of the poem. Am i right? The rhyming is good.There is humour with a trace of sadness.Good write!!

[Shivam Murari]

That is indeed the gist of the poem, great friend. Thanks for reading and reviewing :)

[Baby Ricochet]

I thought the idea was clear enough with some good rhymes. Great job

[Shivam Murari]

Thanks RIcochet! :)

[popourii]

The idea behind your poem is clear but I think your photos distract from this idea. If that was part of your experiment and intended reaction, then by all means, congrats lol.

But for the writing piece itself, I thought you expressed that idea wonderfully with great word choices and fluidity.

[Shivam Murari]

Thanks a lot, popourii, for taking out time to read and review. I highly appreciate it :-)

[Dakshta]

I liked the whole concept of the writing..specialy the fourth paragraph :)
But when I saw the pic I was like..o_O

[Shivam Murari]

Thanks for stopping by and reviewing Dakshta! Have a great on! :-)

[Dakshta]

welcome :)

[Shivam Murari]

:)

[Chris]

To me the last stanza just didn't fit... the transistion to it was perhaps somewhat lacking?

The content (beyond the end) was clear as was the subject.

[Shivam Murari]

Wow! Hi again Chris! :-)
You receive it so differently from the others. Others found the content too jumpy and the concluding stanza summarized it for them. Well, I did that last stanza just to show that "Nothing justifies bullying." If you have lived a life full of depression, or have been bullied, you should rather help the other who are being bully and if you can't you should keep the insecurity well withing yourself! :-)

Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing :-)

[Chris]

I guess each of us has a unique vision of what we perceive. Your intent was quite visible throughout but stories tell a story and summaries end an article... to me. And this was a fair story.

[Shivam Murari]

Thanks :-)

[Rita L. Sev]

I like the metaphor, and your meaning was clear. Some cumbersome rhymes that affect the flow, but overall a good piece. Your concluding line : "Followers produced devotion
Master was all about commotion." is a perfect summing up.

[Shivam Murari]

Thanks a lot great lady :-)