One

ONE: POISON AND JO
I KICK AT THE SNOW, my boots covering in white flakes. Nearly two months have passed since I broke up with Eliza. Though her soft skin, chestnut colored wavy locks, and those immersing green eyes haunt me every night, I find myself still breathing even when she is not around. For the sake of my life, and crumbling sanity, I swear to never forget her. That in turn has cursed me to live days upon days with self-loathing for ever intertwining with her treacherous self, and an unfathomable depression in the likes I never felt before.
More terrifying is the fact that though guilt and shame had been the prime feelings whooping my a*s after I felt her skin sting beneath my hand, it was the sense of total control that scares me. I felt it hit my veins, this elated high when she peered at me in disbelief and horror. I felt more alive, more real, and something snap in my head. For months now I have denied the presence of something darker lurking within me. Another persona, another self, growing and developing the more I latched onto the twisted thoughts festering in my head.
"Cole!"
I look up and smirked to myself, running a hand through my red locks as Jo came running over.
"Sup?" I sigh, knocking the snow off my shoes.
"Sulking again?" She teases me, her grey eyes sparkling with amusement.
"No." I laugh. "Plotting."
"Still?" She rummaged in her coat, pulling out a little black teddy bear plush and grinning ear to ear at me. I flush.
"Please tell me that's not-" I begin, a heat crawling within me.
"It's for you!" She exclaims. Her lips brush my ear. "Have fun with it Nicole."
I blush at the use of my real name. So I have a few skeletons hiding in my closet, don't we all? I slip an earbud in as Jo leaves me with my new gift, racing to her stop. Hurt offers comfort to my twisting heart as I run fingers comfortingly over the soft silk fur. I notice a small slit in the crotch, a note crammed in and blush. I save it for later, tuck the teddy in my backpack and head towards the buses, "Loded" adding a higher twist to my sudden good mood.
Jo Locelet has been my friend since I moved to Virginia five years ago. She saw me fall head over heels for Eliza, and thus also saw our end. She spoiled me, doted on me, and made me feel safe to tell her about my "fetish". Often times I imagine Eliza as my toy, savagely inflicting my will and want. Jo did not scorn me, rather she was amused by it and began giving me different sized animals, but the Teddy has always been my favorite.
I took my seat, consumed by music, and a seething revenge. Eliza got on a few stops later, looked at me quickly, then sat at the front. I bored holes in the seats, hoping to reach her. To drag her vile little body from that seat, take the pocket knife the kid across from me has, and ram it so far up her--
"Cole!" I snap from my daze, Jo laying a hand on mine. I didn't realize she had got on. I look at my nails digging deep into my skin.
I relax slightly, laying my head against the cold window.
"Sorry." I mutter.
Jo sits beside me, tucking a strand of my hair behind an ear. I lean my head into her, eying the back of the seat.
"I hate her." I whisper. "Yet I still love her."
"I know hun, I know." Jo soothes me. "Listen to your music and ignore her."
I slip my eyes shut, and exhale, tapping my finger on my pantleg to the beat. Jo was right. I should just ignore her, but...I love Eliza. I love her so much just her presence is making it difficult to breathe. She's my poison. And I have no antidote to save me. For an instant...I wish to die.