Sight Unseen

Sight Unseen

In dark, wide-eyed, she blinks and stares.
She feels the sun upon her bare.
They tell her of such things as sight,
Of color, depth, contrast and height.

 
But all she knows is what she feels,
And tastes and smells-- her senses reel.
With fingers that are like ten eyes,
She pokes and prods, and tests and spies.

She does not need to see to know
Who someone is or where to go.
She's memorized the steps and sounds,
Each person's voice-- each inch of ground.

She hears a smile, can smell deceit.
She senses victory, and defeat.
And just like you, she laughs and cries,
And sees, she does, nay with her eyes.

 

Copyright ©2006/SJ Sinister

 

Reviews

[David Lewis Paget]

A fine poem, subject wise, ruined only by inattention to rhythmic detail. The rhythm is set by the first line, which is patently different to the rest of the poem. At the end of the second line, one is tempted to add - 'She feels the sun upon her bare' - what? Lines 3 to 10 are disciplined in their metre, but then the beat starts to fall apart. Instead of 'She has' it would have been better to use the shortened 'She's', which would have continued the set metre, if used in conjunction with 'each' instead of 'every'. As it is, the added syllables makes the reader stumble, and from there it's all downhill. In this case, the repetition of the word 'Each' (for every) three times in two lines does not necessarily detract from the verse. In fact, it might even provide added force.

'She's memorized each step and sound,
Each person's voice-- each inch of ground.'

The final verse could be easily beaten into shape:

She hears a smile, can smell deceit.
She senses victory, and defeat,
And just like you she laughs and cries
And sees... but not with open eyes.

I provide the above, not in an attempt to be deliberately picky, but hopefully, to help address problems in maintaining the rhythms chosen by the author.

[Pax Analog]

Intriguing poem.

If one applies this to wired or wireless communication, with the frequent flare of blind feelings, the premium on developing psi for cyber-savvy, it becomes all the more redolent.

"She hears a smile, can smell deceit" -- indeed. Your character has gone beyond heightened other compensatory senses into the psychic intuition.

"Sight Unseen" speaks on so many levels. Good work.

[Kellius the Genius]

Beautiful writing.The depth of this poem is refreshing
and the clear points is so vivid.Just understanding that she is a real person
who feels what you feel and to me, would like to be treated like everybody
else, with respect.The abilty to sense good tides and bad she remarkalbe.
Great one.

[SJ Roebling]

Thank you, David.
Ironically, my final draft of this poem was/is almost identical to the suggestions you made :)
What happened was when all the posts disappeared on the site, I was unable to bring them back up through their reviews for some reason, so I had to do it manually. It appears I posted the original rough draft of Sight Unseen.
Thanks again for pointing it out. I have to check my other works to make sure I submitted the final drafts.
I have corrected the problem.
Respectfully,
Shirl

[April Child]

Nice poem. The rhythm worked fine for me. I like the use of senses in poetry, it brings it to life, feeling the sun on skin.

With fingers that are like ten eyes,
She pokes and prods, and tests and spies

Not a subject I have seen written about before and its good to be taken somewhere different, in such a sensitive manner.

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Amazing tale for the blind - well spun. Powerful and ethereal. Thank you.
Light,
Siddartha