Late Night Musings

First thing I wrote in a while

It always seems the worse thoughts pop into people’s heads late at night,

when you can’t do anything about them,

when there just with you until you manage to get some sleep and they can be completely forgotten.

Still, when you are up late at night,

when the mind turns on itself,

you get presented with an amount of clarity and self-realization that you never have when you truly need it.

During the day everything (for me at least) is so cluttered,

rational thoughts begin to intertwine with paranoia and self doubt to the point where it all seems so complicated.

Existence is micromanaged to a simple to do list.

Wake up-check,

work-check, home-check,

meet friends- check,

home again-check,

talk to the family-check,

go to sleep-in process.


Only at night, when you can’t sleep,

when your mind is lucid with thoughts of paranoia and self doubt,

do things begin to make sense.

You see the world,

you see life,

and you see people for what they are; in desperate need of a structure that is completely illogical.

As children we have dreams, ambitions, goals that we want fulfilled.

For most people,

we fail to achieve.

We never quite finished that novel,

or took that art class,

or got that promotion.

But we grin and bear for those that rely on us.

A select few however,

reach those goals,

and get that led on the sitcom,

or find that perfect modeling gig.

But even when they do it never quite works out,

that dream job isn’t so rewarding after a few years,

the painting you have been working on doesn’t look anything like the image in your head,

and the led role you got at 20,

becomes the zeitgeist of your entire life when you reach 40.


I have been told life is about experiences,

meeting people and sharing your love and sorrows,

and struggling for your dreams regardless if you reach them or not.

During the day I believe these things to be true,

I see the world as a fight worth trying to win.

At night I see only hopelessness,

life still remains a struggle but I don’t see any reason for pushing forward.

At night I think I am crazy,

but I know I will be sane once I awake from my bed,

put the night behind me and get ready to fight in a new day.

But if I had my choice (and we all seldom do have a choice) I would give up everything in the world to live the rest of my life during the night.