Chapter 2

The Man Cave wasn't a cave, and it wasn't solely occupied by men either. Everyone except for me from my old group in high school was in college now, and all eight of them had decided to cram into an incredibly tiny three bedroom apartment. Originally, just Sarah and her boyfriend, Tom, decided to get a place with Zahara and her boyfriend John. When they found a three bedroom instead of a two bedroom, Greg and Jacob agreed to share the extra room. Then, after Max and his girlfriend broke up, he started crashing on the couch until finally they all agreed to just charge him rent. Finally, Donny started sleeping there on the floor after his old lease was up and he couldn't afford to renew it. I'm pretty sure if I had spent any more time there, they would have started charging me rent, too.

I drove over to there with the BMW my parents gave me when I turned 16. Being rich definitely had its benefits. I opened the door to the complex and walked in, since the buzzer was broken as always. The hallway was dim and smelled faintly of urine. I made it their apartment, 14A, and knocked once on the solid wood door, then let myself into their messy home.

Only Zahara and Donny were there. Zahara was asleep on the couch, and Donny's stocky figure was squashed on the floor as he watched Invader Zim on their duct-taped television. "Hey, man, why is Zar on the couch?" I asked.

"Third shifter pains. She didn't want to wake John up when she got home from work, and Max had already left, so she just crashed here. And now I can't get comfortable," grumbled Donny. Zahara moaned and threw a pillow at him, then punched her own back into place and burrowed deeper into her blanket. Donny tucked the pillow under himself, then leaned against the couch. "Much better," he sighed.

Zahara kicked at his head, then whimpered and pulled herself into a sitting position. "You're wrong, jackass. John and I broke up, so I didn't want to sleep next to the b*****d. Tonight, he's giving up the bed." she moaned.

I feigned surprise and said, "You don't work tonight? I didn't know that!"
"Very funny. You couldn't even act a little interested in the breakup?" she asked.

"This is, what, the fourth or fifth time? No one really cares any more, except Max, because he wants the couch. And to get in your pants. If you slept with him, I bet he'd be more than willing to give up the couch for eternity," Donny said, without looking up from the his show. Zahara's dark brown eyes bored into the back of his head, but didn't seem to have an effect on his long, bright yellow hair. She sighed and stood up to stretch. I couldn't help but stare at her bare legs. She had slept in blue cotton shorts with pictures of clouds on them and a plain white wife beater, which stretched tightly against her full chest.

"Anyone feel like cooking?" she said, running her fingers through her tangled chestnut-brown hair. "I think I'm hungry most likely."

"You're not sure if you're hungry?" asked Donny, with one eyebrow raised as he looked away from the television.

'I just woke up. I'm not entirely sure if I'm alive," Zahara yawned. I went to the kitchen and started rummaging through their barren cupboards.

"You guys have, like, no food here!" I yelled back to the living room. It wasn't really necessary to yell, since everything except the three bedrooms and bathroom had no walls between them, but I sometimes liked to annoy Zahara.

Donny got up and followed me, gently shoving Zahara back on the couch. "Well, Zahara and John normally go shopping on Monday mornings, but I guess they were too busy being broken up. Maybe John will move out now!"

"He didn't every other time we broke up," Zahara said as she sprinted into the kitchen to punch Donny. He blocked her, than held both her lightly tanned arms with one of his hands and started tickling her. She didn't react.

"Too tired and hungry to be ticklish. Feed me or you won't get to see me squirm away and be clumsy," she said calmly.

I sighed. "For God's sake, Donny, the girl's been single, like, twelve hours. Can you cut down on the flirting?"

Donny punched me and claimed, "I always treat Zahara like this, whether she and John are dating or not!"

"Oy, no punching the one who's feeding me! And this is not flirting. I know flirting. Flirting is the difference between a two dollar tip and a 20 dollar tip with some guys," Zahara said. "So what are you cooking for me? No meat, remember!"

"Well, there's ketchup, soy sauce, a block of cheddar cheese, a few things too rotten for me to figure out, and several vegetables that look like they're the only thing that everyone's ignored here. Cheesy vegetables okay with you?" I asked. She shrugged. "Also, Zahara, I've seen you at work. You can't flirt worth anything. You turn all red and start stammering and laughing uncomfortably."

Zahara glared at me again. "If you weren't making me food, I'd inflict some major bodily harm on you."

I laughed and chopped the eyes off of some potatoes, then lit a burner and threw the potatoes in a pan with some Canola Oil.

Donny had wandered back to the television a while before, and he called from the ratty blue sofa, "I've been at the receiving end of a knee to the crotch from her before. I don't know if I'd laugh so readily."

"I have too, remember? The first time she and John broke up, way back in high school?" I said.

Zahara started blushing and said, "No one needs to hear about that. And it wasn't way back, anyway. You only graduated two years ago, a*****e."

"Yeah, but you only graduated four months ago, so I win here," I said.

Donny yelled, "Yeah, well, all the rest of us graduated three years ago, so we win. You guys are the only ones living here who can't legally drink, you know."

"He doesn't live here, Donny, and thank God for that. Between John and Max, we have enough d*********s living here. We don't need Jason too," Zahara said.

I stopped stirring the potatoes a moment and gave her a hurt look. "You say all this to the guy who's cooking for you? I'm going to have to loudly reminisce about the first time you guys broke up to feel better about this."

She glared at me yet again, and conceded. "Fine, I needed to take a shower anyway. It's not like this is something everyone was there for, or anything!" She walked away, still muttering sarcastically.

I knew she could still hear me, so I decided to make it good. "It all started when this girl I knew from middle school named Zahara came to the same high school I was at. She was my only friend from middle school to transfer to the same school as I did, and she came two years after I did, so I already had a new friend group, kids who were a year older than I was. One day she came up and gave me a hug while I was talking to all my senior friends. John saw her and thought she was hot, for whatever reason. The same disease that plagued John and made him believe Zahara was hot also infected Zahara's brain, and made her think John was a human being. They started dating. Then, about two year later, they had their very first breakup. Everyone was still hanging out together, since everyone was friends with Zahara now too, and we were hanging out at Donny's house. Somehow, we got some alcohol, and we all got a bit drunk. Zahara got shitfaced. She came up to me, called me John, and made out with me for five minutes before kicking me in the nuts and calling me an asshat who wore hats made up of asses. I can only assume her ability to insult me was impaired by the alcohol." I continued stirring the potatoes and added a few cans of vegetables. Zahara had emerged from her and John's room with an armful of clothes and was heading into the bathroom, still doing her best to ignore me. I began to speak more loudly to ensure she could hear me. "She then went and kissed everyone at the party except for me, John, and Sarah, and said we were the best friends she ever had. Then she went and made out with Sarah, saying she had decided to be a lesbian now since all the guys in the world sucked. After Sarah had gently shoved Zahara off her the third time, Zahara came and found me and kicked me in the nuts again, saying she couldn't believe I let her kiss me." I heard the creak of rusty pipes, then heard water start running.

Donny looked up from the television again and added what only he knew. "And it was still the best kiss you'd ever had, despite her thinking you were someone else, tasting like cheap booze, slobbering on you, also kissing everyone else, and kicking you in the nuts twice."
"And I swore it to secrecy with my best friend while I was icing down my junk because I figured he was smart enough to not add that part on while she could hear us," I said, staring hard at him.

"I'd be more concerned about everyone getting home from classes, Jason. No one can hear anything while they're in that shower," he said.

I sighed and ignored him, shredding some cheese and adding it to the potatoes as a finishing touch. I walked up to the bathroom and knocked, yelling, "Food's done!"
Zahara walked out five minutes later, looking radiant in a loose pair of jeans and a plain black t-shirt, and gave me a hug. "Thank you so much. You're my favorite!"

"Favorite what?" I asked.

She smiled. "Good question!" After taking a few bites of food, she sighed. "I'm pretty sure I see Sarah and Tom pulling up."

I looked out the window and saw Tom, a tall, thin man open the car door for Sarah, his also tall and thin fiancee. Other than their height and size, the two looked nothing alike. Sarah had long blonde hair with bright green eyes and skin that almost glowed, she was so pale, but Tom had short and spiky black hair, nearly black eyes, and was more bronzed in the winter than I am in the summer. They walked inside carrying a few bags of groceries each, yet were still somehow holding hands. Sarah put down the groceries and grabbed Zahara and hugged her for longer than she normally would.

"I take it John told everyone already?" said Zahara.

Sarah nodded. "You're better off without him. You want to get out of the house for a while so you don't have to see him? I'd really rather him leave than you, but he's too much of a d****e to consider it."

I immediately said, "Hey, plenty of room with me if you need a place to crash for a day or two!"

Zahara looked unsure. "Your parents are nice enough, but Joseph makes me uncomfortable, honestly. He's kind of creepy."

"They're all working on a big project. No one except me or Magdalena will there all week."

Tom said, "If you're escaping, you better do it now. We passed by John on our way here. He was walking instead of taking the bus, but he'll still be home any minute."

Zahara deliberated for a moment, then jumped up and ran to her room, yelling on the way, "Sounds good to me, thanks!" She came out a minute later with her backpack stuffed full with what appeared to be clothes, then ran into the bathroom and grabbed a few more things. "Can you carry this for me?" She passed her bag off to me, and we headed for my car.