LIVING EVERYDAY MEANS LESS THE LIFE OF LIVING

short fiction stories that inspired by my personal experiences.

                

                LIVING EVERYDAY

             MEANS LESS

       THE LIFE OF LIVING

 

  Outdoors the grass was wet with dew. The moon tainted in pale blue light, halfway up and dimmed the stars form a great arc.

 I am alone in a fragment of nothingness. No light, no sound, no feeling. Where was my body? I tried to move and panic, but there was nothing to move. Just as light and sound had vanished, I feel nothing. There’s always a flashing scene always haunting me whenever I see a dark place like this alley I’m passing by. I am seventeen years old now, I leave early for work; yes I work and live by myself, my parents… Well, I don’t know, I can’t recall any memories of my past, it’s just, this flashing thoughts I guess that’s just how my mind work, maybe, because, I often watch movies. And maybe, how I cope…with myself.

 Working in a store; a store full of weird stuff, like a sex doll shape in a dragon and other things that you usually can’t see anywhere. I don’t even know how I get here, lol. But I do admit I trick the manager, I am underage though, and I am strictly prohibited to work here in any circumstances, I think it’s how cunning I am. Every day I encounter a variety of person, and I love it, it’s like an adventure, the way, how you treat them are so mind blowing I really enjoy it, I work here at least a nine months, almost a year. Actually this just one of my sideline job I work as a waiter I a small café just two blocks away from this street and the other one is an editor; a video editor. Well it’s a hectic schedule but I manage to cope it.

  Weather today is unpleasant, the sky is has grayish taint on it, its seven fifty eight in the morning already yet still dim. I was sitting in right side of the bus, looking up the sky and daydreaming, self-wandering and drowning with my overwhelming thoughts and feeling. The street is full of people as usual, walking in a fast pace, seems like an end the apocalyptic movie, they can’t avoid of bumping to each other, I one’s bump into a lady carrying so many shopping bags. And I accidentally step into one of it. So, I ended up carrying it for her, after a long shameful scolding; just for apologies. Time in this busy city are at fastest its pace, you can’t even grasp what day it is. Like a wheel roll and roll, where up is down and right is left. I was snoozing out when the bus stop, the guy besides me blurted and stands up quickly, enough make me wake up.

 The time passes and I am so tired. Staring up the celling blankly, fan is rotating at its highest level, as usual. The whole room is cold, that, hard to resist the call of sleepiness combined with exhaustion; well it’s already two A.M. and I am so drain.

  Then I felt my limbs shivering. Legs and arms were tingling faintly, as though they had been tied tightly. I blinked my eyes rapidly, but though I was conscious somehow. It was not as simple as darkness, or absence of light. It’s a darkness has a tangible quality; someone is moving through and I just sense it, I know there is someone. I feel lost in this horrifying void. It was the same way with the deafening silence. This was more than silence. Here there was nothing to feel. I am having nightmare, let me wake up.

 Everyday life is a torment, my life is torment. I live as if it’s like the end; end the world. After all humans are just intelligent beings that love to judge people; complain and s**t on about those who they believe are “privileged”. So I try to show my best self to others all the time. While trying to disprove their existing opinions about me in hopes that they’ll at least accept me as person. I guess I’m just one dirty knotted mind person.

 People can use its own skin to deceive you as its mask. Feelings, thoughts, and emotions can be hid, in just a simple color we put in our bare face. We smile when we needed; we interact whenever it is…

 I do want some real interaction, with real human being. Like always, I wanted to feel something, whether it’s to feel a pain, pleasure, anticipation, and desire. Being belong, accepted, I want a connection with other.to feel the realness of them, even its just for a moment, I want to stop feeling so empty.

 Ten years ago theirs a happy wonderful family live in a simple life. A family that’s so joyful that you cannot see any hint of sadness. Every day they wanted to feel contented that the two guardian works as hard as they can to fulfil their needs. Working late at night and waking up so cheerful disposing the feeling of tiredness. Instead they cherish things like a simple music they listen to, rolling over and over again every day routine. Feeling that’s so suffocating, that they decide to end their lives by taking a pills…forcing their children to take it, while sleeping. Miraculously, the younger child of the family survives. Witness the terror event that night.

 Living the day after day, he feels sick, void with the feeling of emptiness. But striving to cope up and put on another mask for another adventure of crucial life, so cliché that he himself also wanted to end it.

 Now he’s just a walking broken shell, like an insect trap in a spider web, waiting for the spider to eat him up.

Author's Note

Be gentle with me and I would really like to hear your thoughts and comments.