Rat Tail B*****d

A teenage girl who lost her parents must learn to cope while living with her aunt and uncle.

Rat Tail B*****d

Daniella sits at the kitchen bar with a cup of steaming cocoa in her hand. She looks over to the light flashing across a muted TV in the living room. Her eyes pan back and forth while she reads the closed caption. The star of the new hit show Ticking Time Bomb caught sneaking out of her costar’s trailer. And they weren’t reading lines a source says. Our source also confirmed that there may be trouble in paradise for the hot new starlet and her producer husband.

Daniella looks over when her uncle Benny walks in from the dark hallway in Spiderman boxers and a muscle t-shirt, scratching his balls. She turns her nose up in disgust.

Benny regards Daniella with raised eyebrows. “What are you doing up this late Daniella?”

Daniella glances over at the microwave clock. 2:25 A.M. She shrugs her shoulders. “Couldn't sleep. The heat was giving me nightmares,” she says before taking a careful sip from her cup.

Benny quirks an eyebrow at the hot cocoa in Daniella's hand. He clears his throat to get her attention.  

“So…” Benny is interrupted by a shriek piercing through the air.

Aunt Jenny comes barreling fast up the hallway. “Benny! Benny! Benny! Kill'em Benny! Kill'em,” she yells.

Jenny tosses a neon green and black heel in Benny's hands.

“Kill who? What are you ranting about now, Jenny?”

She ignores Benny’s patronizing tone. “That vile hateful creature that ate my Jimmy Choo's.”

Benny looks down at the chewed up shoe in his hands.

He glances at Daniella with a satisfied smile, then looks back to his wife. “Well, just go get another pair from the Goodwill.”

Jenny's jaw drops in shock. “I can't just go get another pair. I lucked up and found those. Do you know how much those are worth? Like a-gazillion dollars. Do you happen to have a-gazillion dollars laying around?”

Benny gives her a blank stare.

“I didn't think so. Just go kill the evil monster that violated my poor Jimmy Choo's,” she whines.

Benny sighs, turns, and makes his way behind Daniella. He digs underneath the sink for a while and then pops up with a clear bread box in his hands. He stumps to the back of the trailer, flicking the hall light on as he goes. Daniella brings her cup to her mouth and freezes with a round-eyed gaze. She places the cup on the counter and walks stiffly to her room.

Jenny watches her with a bemused expression. “Why ya clenching ya cheeks like that girl? The cocoa gone bad or something?”

Daniella ignores Jenny and rushes through her bedroom door and flings open the closet. She drops to her knees and frantically digs in the bottom. She pulls out a Jimmy Choo shoebox with holes poked in the lid. The box is empty.

“Shoot.” Daniella runs her hands through her hair and flicks her eyes quickly around the bedroom. “RTB! Where are you?” she whisper shouts.

Daniella’s head swivels to the door when Benny cheers loudly from his bedroom. “Woohoo! Gotcha you, little s**t.”

Daniella jumps to her feet from her knees and races to Uncle Benny. When she steps through his bedroom door, she sees a baby mouse trapped in the breadbox. The mouse frantically tries to escape by climbing fruitlessly around the inside.

“Uncle Benny let him go!” Daniella cries out.

“Let who go?” Benny looks around confused.

“RTB!”

“Who the hell is RTB?!”

“The mouse in the breadbox. His name is RTB-Rat Tail B*****d. He's my friend.”

Aunt Jenny puts her hands on her hips in disbelief. “Girl, why in the world would you call that thing something as stupid as Rat Tail B*****d? And second, are you that retarded that the only friend you can make is a nasty old rat? Don't you know them things carry that West Nile.”

Jenny glares at Daniella with a waiting expression.

Daniella rolls her eyes. “Aunt Jenny, that's mosquitoes, not mice.”

Jenny c***s her hip to the other side. “Well, it prolly has AIDS then. If that thing bites you, then you're gonna get aids in the fingernails. Then your fingers are gonna fall off, then you're gonna end up like the guy that works up at the Goodwill with no hands.”

Jenny pauses for a moment in thought. “How you gone pull up your drawers with no hands? How you gone wipe yo a*s after a s**t? If you expect your uncle or me to do it, you better think again missy.”

Daniella blinks, closes her mouth, takes a deep breath and turns her head to look at the bread box. Her shoulders slump forward when she sees that RTB is dead.

Daniella points to the bread box. “Uncle Benny! You suffocated my friend!”

She turns on her heels and runs back to her room, slamming the door. Daniella falls to the bed and sobs into her pillow. After taking a few minutes to mourn her friend, she scoots to the end of the bed.

“Dear God, if you're listening, this is Dani. I know we haven't talked in a few months but I need a favor. I need a message delivered to someone. Could you tell my parents that I miss them? And please inform them that my brainless guardians murdered my only friend. I need them to look out for him. He's a cute little mouse name Rat Tail B*****d. I know it's a weird name but when they see him, they'll get it. OK, that's it.” Daniella snuggles herself under the covers.

She reaches over to her night stand to turn off the bright lamp illuminating the room. She pauses when she hears Aunt Jenny call her name.

“Dani!”

“What?!”

“Don't forget to go next door tomorrow and get my red wagon from saggy nuts Larry. I need it for my rummage selling Saturday.” Daniella groans and rolls her eyes.

She pulls the string on the lamp and the room goes black.