Misunderstood

We are not in control of the cards life deals us. But we can chose which cards to play.

I don't just feel it, but am misunderstood. Not in the way people commonly misunderstand each other, 

but because I agree with his version of me.

I am all of it. The hardest part is that they control me,

the reasons. 

I had no way to prevent my circumstances.

I am left hating myself. 

I am in constant pain.

I have changed.

He misses me, and so do I.

What I would give to go back. 

Relizing how long I have been suffering becomes a whole new battle.

How do I try to reclaim my life?

Feeling desperate and alone, I cry. A lot.

I am so dissapointed in who I have become, regardless of whether I had control.

He does so much for me, for us, and I see it all.

He's tired, just like me.

He wants a life because he deserves a life.

I am so far gone, and don't have the strength. Once a force to be reckoned with, I can no longer fight for me. 

There is so much at stake. But to be even part of who he needs causes me physical pain. 

That physical pain lights the fire for mental health issues, which then increase the pain. 

It's a viscious cycle that I live in.

Tornadoes are more forgiving than my own body.

I am screaming to get out from within. 

I miss the little things. I miss everything.

Circumstance is relentless. My circumstance has become my laugh.

I have become a joke of anticipated tragedy.  

I have fallen so low, and each time I fall, another part of me breaks. 

Please, I beg, give me the strength to attempt to put the pieces of myself back together.