Just One Moment

The night before we had to put my grandfather in a live-in program. We tried everything else. This was the beginning of the end.

We went to dinner,

as usual.

We were driving home,

nothing out of the ordinary.

Send in the Clowns was playing.

The three of us had tears in our eyes,

you didn't know.

It was your last night of life.

It was your last night of freedom,

your last night of dignity.

You didn't yet know that it was all over.

My heart was breaking for you.

You sang the words,

able to remember each one,

even though you remembered so much less of everything else.

Your mind had been taken from you,

you were no longer that man,

the one that you had once been.

I wanted you back,

I wanted one more moment of sanity,

not just for you, but for me.  

And all these years later, all I still ask for,

is that one moment of sanity.

Send in the clowns. 

Reviews

[Misty Daze]

I too lost my dad 4 months ago and there's nothing more heartbreaking in this world than seeing your family die...I can't get over his death ever..that's a fact that can't be changed. Your poem reminded me of the day I foubd he was no more...words can never explain how horrendous it was but it's brave of you to be able to write it all. I have tried but nothing much comes out because the pain is raw.

[Davidgeo]

It's not like losing an object you held dear. It's like holding that object and realizing what you really held dear has been lost forever. The cup may still look very similar, but it no longer holds water. The true pain is the aftermath... caring for a person you know is long gone, but, you cannot abandon them or you will be abandoning your entire identify and definition of love. Either take the severe emotional pain, or enjoy your hollowness and shame. It's brutal. The best option only hurts less. There are no good choices.