I Don't Know

Was really upset one night and wrote what was in my head. :P

I don’t know how this begun.

I don’t know how it will end.

I just know the bit in the middle. The part I am living now.

Arms length away is the one ting that brings me pleasure and pain. An addiction, that carries me away into an endless circle, where the only escape is trust.

Being so strong, but being broken by a word, as we all are.

At some point, we all become broken, only, when we are put back together, pieces are lost, swept away or taken by others.

Sometimes you take pieces from someone else and try to push them into the gaps that have been left behind.

You don’t become you.

Every time you break you lose part of yourself, but you always gain something new.

You can gain another's weak points that make breaking even easier.

When someone takes a piece of you, you can only watch it happen as you lie in pieces on the floor, waiting for the Kinsmen to come, waiting for your almighty savior.

As you go on, there are things that people do, things that people say that slowly chip the surface away from the inside. You can see and feel it, but everyone stills sees you, fixed or not, they see you. The people that know you best will notice that you are crumbling away, waiting to shed this layer and start anew.

An addiction, starting out small working its way through you, crawling under your skin.

Starting out, just to try, to see if it can help, but it does the opposite. It CONSUMES you.

One more, that’s all you need. One more and you will are satisfied. One becomes two. Two becomes ten.

Lying on the cold floor, light flickering above your head.

Closing your eyes, wishing to wake up from this nightmare.

Deep breath, long sigh, reminding you that you are alive, but dead inside.

The outside slowly shows this.
Your body deteriorates.

Longing for perfection, longing to be the desire of every person's lust.

A desire to be told you are perfect.

Perfection.

Something that cannot exist, but yet you strive for.

Something that could be solved with belief in yourself and in the words of other people.

But words, are just words.

But words can do so much.

The do so much you wish you could tell someone how you feel. So much you wish you could get help.
But it means work, hard work. It means putting your trust in someone.