Falling down

This is a poem of addiction and my personal experiences

Surging

Purging

A milestone

To this drum roll of a life

 

Seven days is a long time

When you depend on that little white pill

Opiate based

And hellbound

 

A tremor

A twitch

A stammer

All effects of withdrawal

 

My eyes dry

My lungs flood

 

Sleep denies me

That sweet release

A rest

Just one small break

 

Seven days

Until it's gone

But these seven days are gonna be hard

Hard as stone upon my now cotton soul

 

My mind dulls

My hands shake

But all I can feel

Is falling

Down, down....down

 

 

Reviews

[OtherWorldWoman]

Amazing sensations, powerful words. You captured the desperation in the character that I felt was the base behind the words. I very much enjoy your writing.

[.shalynn.009.]

I love how you start with pure feelings, then go into a short explanation in the next stanza, another stanza of feelings, adn then mostly description of the situation until the end. it was an effective way of structuring the poem, because you started in media res, leaving the reader to kind of winder what is going on with the speaker until the mention of the pill and withdrawal.

I also like how the pome is just a small moment in time, at the beginning of the seven days. We don't get back story about why the speaker is addicted, or how he got there. Neither do we get whether he makes it through the seven days. We just get that one snippet of of emotion.

Keeping the lines short and simple was also a good technique, because it held of on descriptions. It was so underwhelming that it became as though the reader were thinking these things him/herself, and if that were true, he or she wouldn't need any explanation of how or why, only of what. And I like that the poem was not ended with an end stop line, because it wasn't the end of the scene, only the end of our glimpse into it. This also symbolizes how the struggle with addiction is ongoing, usually for the rest of a person's life (my dad was an alcoholic, has been clean for three years, and he still has his moments of weakness adn temptation).

The simile in the middle, about seven days being hard as stone and the speaker's soul being like cotton was a great image. Cotton, in its plant form, is not just soft and white, it requires grinding to be made into the beautiful and useful cloth that we see in stores. So the grinding of seven days on the cotton-like soul was a great simile to reveal the painful but ultimately productive process taking place.

A good write, and I enjoyed analyzing it. Keep writing and sending me the RRs.

[Joiedevivre]

a thrust on the floor tom of a poem! The short lines and pace matches the restlessness of a comedown. Excellent job.

[Chris Smith Welshpoetcs]

Addiction can bring us a high, but you show us the fall and the low. Great poem my friend.

[Maggie]

Addiction sucks. Hope you're out of it, and if you're not, keep fighting. It'll ruin your life. But anyway, you described what addiction was perfectly. The best type of writing comes from experience :)

[Commit it then to the f..]

A very powerful poem. Really well written.
Great job!

[.]

if ever someone captured that craving..you have..it's all consuming...well written and interesting angle

[Short.Nerd]

WOnderful job!

[KAREN]

Deep and powerful write! Addiction is a sickness and something many people go through, your poem will be relateable to many! Nice job and get hlep!

[HopelesslyDevoted]

fantastic poem... is this about you? :( i hope your alright