The smoke fills his lungs, as he watches from afar

All about me when I did something really bad

He's driving in his car

Metal blasting

And a sinister look in his eye

Knowing what he's done

 

He stops the car

Climbs out

He's stops

"Where you going?" the voice in his head screams

He says i'm going nowhere

 

He walks up the stairs

Sits in his chair

"That wasn't good" The voice says

"It really wasn't good little boy"

 

Irritation hits

And the itch begins

Hairs stand on end

"I don't care!" he screams

"Please stop!"

Hits the floor

Rolls around

Its just a manic suppression

 

"You shouldn't bite the hand that feeds you!" The voice says

"Or you'll starve!"

"This is a lesson!"

 

The itch stops

He brushes off the dirt

Lights a cigarette

The smoke fills his lungs

As he watches from afar 

Reviews

[Calypso]

Well done

[Searching 4 Serenity]

One of the worst itches to cure. I know, I used to smoke. Now whenever I try having one, it tastes like a*s to me. Love your description for mental addiction.

[Dilan Gray]

I like how to show the struggle in the mind. Everyone has those moments when their inner voice just won't shut up and we are the ones that have to listen to it ramble on. I really liked this. The ending was interesting as well, it had a strong image. Good job.

[SilentLullabies]

It could use a little work, but I enjoyed it very much. Very interesting.

[YouoweYoupay]

What a cliche internal struggle. I don't like it. You should try to improve your way of telling a story. I hope this advice helps.

-Wela.

[Coyote Poetry]

"You shouldn't bite the hand that feeds you!" The voice says
"Or you'll starve!"
"This is a lesson!"
Those internal struggle no-one can win. We just learn to accept and move on. I like the ending to the outstanding poem.
Coyote

[A.E. Reed]

Nice. I like how you express the emotions. yet again a very good poem. :)

-Alexis

[Short.Nerd]

Great job!

[Lily Mae]

A very strong and passionate write. You have penned these emotions very well...x

[BloodyRabbit]

i agree... i think this is one of your best works :) very well written with a strong message... love it :)