Something that popped up when reading comments that my poetry was getting a bit repeatable so i'm going to change the structure and subject of my poetry to kind of a Gothicy Romancey style
This was neat, quite different from your other work that I've read. Good different--- I think that your others needed a little bit more description but this one was great! I love the words you use here!
For misconstrued lovers,
This evil deity of false pretences,
Those were my favourite lines. I never have heard much Gothic poetry, but I like this one! Nicely written!
the structure of this works so well, reads so easily for something so dark. something so cold. your descriptions are almost unfeeling, a report of sorts, perhaps of someone insensate, which is genius if that's what you were going for. and a happy accident if you were not. thank you for the punctuation, hahhah, though if there isn't a pause, i wouldn't imagine you'd need a comma, and though most of them are placed correctly here... if you have one form of end-line punctuation, i can't imagine that another form would be needed. cheers, though, this was great.
"The stagnant stench of death,
Lurking in the air,
I glanced around for signs of life,
The air, like the smell, was dead,
Where is the creator of this monstrosity?,
This foul temptress of love and seduction,
How do we stop this malpractice of love,
This evil deity of false pretences"
Wow this part had me hooked. COMPLETELY!!
and the ending too...the description and phrasing was profound and vivid. I liked this poem. Maybe i could hope for more like this? I'm greedy:)
But very good job from this poem. Powerfully written
Kirkcaldy, Sherbs house on Sherbs street :D, United Kingdom
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I am Sherb of Sherbs Dreaming tree,
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Im Sherb I love poetry, it was my life for wuite a while and i have been suffering an 18 month block .. more..