Meaningless Conversations Part 2

Chapter 294-1

Meaningless Conversations

Part 2

 

Like I said it was a short drive when we arrived and the place was buzzing with activity. Not surprising that barbecue was being held at a park somewhere in the nudist community area; after passing several signs telling us to beware of nudist and privately owned land, with a fairly size outdoor pool. Yet the difference was I knew what we were getting into and this time it didn’t bother me since I was no longer the shy little boy anymore. This time I didn’t care about if I was naked in front of lots of pretty girls. You could say I had come along way from that shy little boy to now. Yet I also knew that was exactly how my grandmother saw me, and because of that, I didn’t know what to do to convince her that I wasn’t.

No, my biggest problem was I didn’t know a lick of French, and I sounded so American. The only thing I had going for me was I was a nudist just like everyone else, and I knew the rules where I didn’t before. The other problem I had was keeping my eyes forward every time I saw a very pretty girl. What can I say I was still a very horny teenager and find naked girls very sexy, yet I wasn’t alone in that department.

Once I found a spot to set down a blanket on the grass, I quickly reminded my 7 kids of the rules, getting a yes Dad as they rolled their eyes at me. It still freaked me out when they called me Dad, but it also reminded me of my responsibilities and the vows I took that made us a family. Garret smiled every time they did, knowing from experience how odd the word can make a person feel, more so an almost 17-year-old boy like myself who became an instant father. I knew my own father wouldn’t understand that it takes more than sperm to become a parent.

Hell, he wouldn’t understand the meaning period. Since all, he saw me and my brother as nothing but dirt under his feet and nothing more than a punching bag for his fist. Not once has he felt all warm and fuzzy inside, or proud of me or my brother Aaron. All he felt was hate and wild anger when someone reminded him who I and Aaron were. Even my own mother felt that way most of my life until she decided that she wanted to be our mother and be apart of our lives.

Too bad she threw that away as well when she left to live my sister and her family having to be forced to choose to turn her back on me and Aaron or never be allowed to see her grandchildren ever again. Becoming one my real regrets thinking that everything Aaron and I built with her over the last few years before she moved in with Susan meant nothing. Giving me the regret that made the choice I made years ago to let everyone that mattered to me leave without me. Leading to my biggest regret listening to the world around me, listening to my grandmother that what I had wasn’t happiness, what I had wasn’t love.

What I had was people pretending to be my friends and family that didn’t need me or want me, but to use me to fight for a cause that didn’t make a difference, but most of all how wrong it was to live the life I was living. That in the end because of that life I didn’t deserve to be happy or loved because I was the monster. I was the one forcing people to do things that were considered wrong in their eyes. Everything I did because I was told and forced to do them. I had a family, and they didn’t do these kinds of things. Yet the truth was I was stupid for listening to them. For in truth; they were never my family and as for my mother and my grandmother.

My mother made the choice that Aaron and I were no longer important to her as she chooses Susan and my father over us after everything we had gone through and everything we built she threw it all away. As for my grandmother, she never had my back ever again, as she became a constant reminder telling me I made the right choice, by turning my back on the ones that really loved me and the ones that really mattered. As for the rest of my family like relatives, they never gave a tinker’s damn about me, or Aaron to begin with.

Even now 35 or so years later they still don’t. I gave it all up for nothing, I gave up my happiness, and I gave up everything for nothing. People look at me and all they see is a broken down old man, with no family or friends, and their right. I have no purpose; I have nothing to look forward to other than dying alone. Leaving my life on these pages, a life that mattered, a life I cared about and the people that truly meant everything to me. 

If God is real and he asks me who I would choose to be with for all eternity, it wouldn’t be my biological, family. Not my mother, not my brother Aaron, and certainly not my grandmother or relatives. It would be the people that were truly my family and friends. It takes a lot more than having the same genes to be a family and a parent. It takes love, it takes people that truly love you for who are, not what they think you should be in my case dirt under their feet and see you as nothing more than someone that doesn’t deserve to be happy, for in their eyes I am the monster. I am everything they find immoral, filthy and someone not worth knowing.

Which is why I loved being a nudist because people don’t judge me for what I look like without my clothes on; they do not care what the outside world thinks. They are in a sense what God intended all along. Love for family, love for every individual and love for nature. These people are the most kindest, and loving people I have ever met. It’s hard to believe that people call them immoral and sex-driven individuals. If you think like that, then the only monsters I see are you.  These people only ask for one thing and that is do not judge them because they aren’t like the rest of the world.

They don’t force you to do anything you’re not comfortable of doing. They don’t whisper silently about how a person looks or how skinny or fat. They do not tell you that you have to take your clothes off to be around them. People think that nudist don’t ever wear clothes, which is stupid because they do, Even if it is a simple pair of shoes or hiking boots. They were clothes just like we do when the weather is cold, or the need arises. Like school and work, and mingling with the rest of the population in the world, but when the weather is nice, and they are home or among other nudists; they leave the outside world outside, and return to their nudist lifestyle.

The moment we arrived and settled in, Agatha waited for someone to judge her, and the girls who chose to cover up. But instead, people came over and introduced themselves to us. The fact that not all of us were naked didn’t seem to bother them. Like I said they do not ask or force you to remove your clothes or the fact that we introduced each of our two wives or two husbands and our children, or the fact how young we were with kids that were anywhere from 8 to 12.

They did not ask for an explanation, they simply accepted the fact that we were who we said we were. None of us had to worry about our kids running naked with other kids or around other nudists. Knowing how they felt about people that prey on them. Our kids couldn’t be in safer; there was a sense of peace knowing that.

Agatha soon was having meaningless conversations with several women her age as they invited her and her two husbands to sit with them. The fact she was still modestly dressed didn’t bother them, as I watched her laugh out loud at something she found was funny and started to relax. Even or coven wives and husbands were letting their guard down, as they participated in some of the games, leaving their robes and loose clothing behind, and still, no one said one word about it. Mom and Dad sat on the grass next to me as we ate our fill. Mom stated the obvious that I was still upset about how things went with my grandmother.

It bothered me and they knew it did because of how close we were. She had always been there for me in my time of need, she always had my back. Now she didn’t, now we were enemies because she didn’t believe in our cause. It bothered me that she felt so strongly that I should give up this lifestyle and come home. It bothered me that she firmly believed that I had home, but in truth, I didn’t.

It bothered me that she still felt that my father would change and wanted me. Knowing after 17 years he has shown me nothing but hatred and had lost count on how many times he has tried to kill me with his bare hands. It bothered me that she had forgotten that, even though she has witnessed it, had seen the after-effects what he has done to me and Aaron over the years.

I didn’t understand why after all these years she still believes he loves me when everything he has done and everything has said proves differently. I felt as if I had lost my best friend, the one person that has always been in my corner. Maybe she was right I should have never left the Downing’s, I should have left without saying goodbye to her and my brother. I still regret that decision knowing in the end how everything turned out, knowing that my mother and my brother would leave me out in the cold, and my grandmother and I never had the closeness we had growing up.

Yet at the time, they meant everything too me. I wasn’t willing to leave them and perhaps never see them again. How I wish I could go back and change that decision knowing what I know now. That in truth where I truly belonged was with the people that truly mattered were the Rothwell’s, my three wives, my kids, and my friends. Yet the time I made that decision all my kids were getting married to their coven wives and husbands and were given children of their own to raise.

My wives married again soon after and I never saw them again, all because I refused to go back with them; thinking if I did. I would never see my grandmother, my mother and my brother Aaron ever again. I made the wrong choice. I was never able to forgive my grandmother for what she had done to me.

It made me angry every time she brought it up telling me. What I had wasn’t happiness, what I had wasn’t love. They never loved me, or they would have never had me do the things I was doing. That the cause we were fighting was not a cause worth fighting for. She would remind me, over and over until the day she died, that she was proud of me for saying no, asking me to forget them, asking me if I still participated in that lifestyle. Having to lie, or have her grow angry at me because I refused to give it up until I was forced to give everything up or I would lose my mother, I would lose my grandmother and my brother.

My life ended that day, for the moment I let the world in, and let them go. I became the man I am now; alone, forever alone where the world no longer gives a damn about me. Everyone I knew is gone, now only live in these pages; so yes, as I look back at these fun-loving people who happened to be nudists. I hate myself for letting the world in. Letting people that really didn’t want me to dictate how I should live. Knowing they forced me to give up my happiness for a bunch of empty promises. If I could go back, I would leave with them, and never look back. For it was then I was truly happy and truly loved and wasn’t considered dirt under their feet.

Author's Note

more to come when I get time to write more LOL