Running the Rat Race Part 1

Chapter 245

Running the Rat Race

Part 1

 

It was nothing new to me always running around a maze like a rat race to do everything that needed to be done. Sunday was no exception as our parents came back from their extended weekend. It also meant Rhoda’s and my time alone together was over. We knew that and we accepted the fact that that’s how our life was a rat race.

I gave a heavy sigh and opened the door finding everyone waiting for us inside the Earls place. Mom and Dad were in a heated discussion about Shawn. Not surprising considering Thanksgiving was getting closer and they haven’t yet given any of us a contract stating they will take action if he repeats any of his previous actions against us. Once they noticed me they quickly stopped and turned ending the conversation by asking me and Rhoda how our weekend went with the boys. I said fine, giving no details. Mom frowned and I didn’t elaborate mostly knowing they might have heard about my recent episode.

I placed my shoes by the door with everyone else’s. It was pretty well known as a rule in all the houses and nobody complained about doing it. Even though there was never any one place at the table where you had to sit or your name on a chair where you sat for each meal. I had taken or had gotten used to the idea that where ever Rhoda sat that was where I was too sit, being as I was her husband.

Yes, still took a little getting used to even though we had only been married for a few months, but it was what it was. It wasn’t like it was before when I first came to live with the Rothwell’s. Where Dad controlled everything, which included the conversation and how much was on my plate. Those days were long gone and I was glad because they weren’t pleasant. Back then I was always planning the best way to run away. Not that it would have done me much good because of all it would accomplish if and I mean if I got caught I would be returned to the Rothwell’s and face another epic beating of a lifetime. Now that things have changed I couldn’t think of anywhere I rather be beside with the Downing’s, the Rothwell’s was a close second.

Yet the problem was Shawn was coming home for Thanksgiving, and worst Mom and Dad had told him everything we were doing. Bad, very bad idea… even Jeff said it was not a good idea. For now, Jeff was almost my constant companion other than the fact he was in out of my daily life like revolving door. Mostly because the kind of danger I was in, and mostly he had taken up the position of a soldier and was willing to do whatever it takes to help bring down the Satanic Church, or at least the faction that was abusing their sacred rituals.

The other faction wasn’t a problem and kept mostly to themselves, in fact, they had provided us with some useful information, in hopes of taking down the problem that has split off from them and giving them a bad name. Like it was for us that belonged to the LDS church, as the FLDS were doing. “Fundamentalist” Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (FLDS), a religious sect that broke away from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, also known as the Mormon Church, over the practice of polygamy. Either way it was battle, and either way, our lives were in constant danger, and now Shawn was coming home to stir up more trouble then we needed. To say we were all worried would be an understatement.

Except for Mom and Dad, they seemed to have lost focus on what Shawn was capable of doing and is doing once more. All they wanted is their family whole again. I am not saying there is nothing wrong with that, what parent wouldn’t want their family whole again? Except for mine, of course, my mother may want it, but my father and two sisters don’t. In truth my brother and my mother are the only ones important to me, in my eyes, we were never a real family, to begin with. To me and them I have always been an outsider, and that includes my relatives other than my grandmother. I was ok with that, more so having her back in my life again.

I was never a big talker at the dinner table or anywhere else for that matter. I only participated if someone called on me, instead I listened and kept silent and tried to fade into the background. I was never big on being the hero or being in the spotlight. I was quiet, and I liked it that way. But Mom and Dad were also pushing me to the forefront.

Dad said. “Well it seems that we have a lot on our plate at the moment, with the new film production of Tangled Hearts and with the big Halloween fundraiser next Friday, then having to go to court once again a week from next Wednesday. Least not forget Shawn coming home for Thanksgiving. Providing we can strike some sort of deal between us, and providing he is still able to come.” Everyone’s eyes opened as they stared at Mom and Dad and then around the table. Knowing what that last statement meant. They had decided that Shawn was coming home no matter what our grievance were, or the danger it will put us in.

Mom said. “Everything will work itself out, Shawn’s not the boy he once was, his letters and his phone calls have stated that. He wants everyone to know that he holds nothing against us; in fact, he wants to do his best to make amends and become your friend and brother once more. We as his parents truly believe that in spite of everything he has done we feel he deserves that chance.”

Once she had finished she smiled at Dad as if was some sort of relief that no one said anything. However, we may have not said anything at the table. We certainly didn’t agree and our minds were reeling over the idea of Shawn coming home. Yet we all knew one thing and it was no matter what we said, they weren’t going to listen.

I quietly excused myself from the table stating I had some last bit of homework to do before school tomorrow, which was a lie, considering it was the start of the new term, but Mom and Dad gave me leave, as one by one everyone left the table, while the girls cleaned the table. Stating dinner was officially over. However, I knew the discussion about Shawn was far from being over. I quietly took my plate into the kitchen and placed into the dishwasher. Then went back home to my room, as always Sparky was waiting for me on my bed sprawled out as if the bed belonged to him.

Even though I didn’t have homework I had other things that needed my attention which was my bookkeeping. With the girls help and our friends they had hired, I didn’t have to do much other than going over it and make sure the numbers added up and recalculate their time cards and sign their checks. Dad soon came into the room and closed the door, Sparky made no attempt to get off the bed as Dad sat on the edge of it scratching his ears. He said. “It seems you and I have a problem.” I gave a curt nod then went back to what I was doing. Dad didn’t like it when being ignored, but he knew that I wasn’t doing it to be rude rather I was restraining my anger inside.

He continued on and said. “I don’t understand why you can’t trust us. We have given our word that Shawn is not the person he was anymore, he really does want to make amends. Mom and I too want to make amends for our actions, in what we did to him. You must understand son he is our flesh and blood, we just can’t discard the fact that he is, no matter what he has done. If he is truly sorry which he says he is. It is our job as parents and as a family to forgive him. Everyone makes mistakes son, don’t let your anger for what he has done control you. Besides, in a sense, you, me and your friends are just as guilty of the same crimes as we accused Shawn and Arthur have done.”

I stood up from the desk and said. “Dad it’s not the same and you know it. We don’t do it because we like doing it, we do it because if we don’t while undercover it could cost us our lives. None of us do it unless we have too, even then we don’t enjoy doing it. Shawn and Arthur enjoy rapping young boys, they do it so they can feel good about themselves and it gives them power over their victims. We do it because we have no choice, but we only do so when the need will require us to do so. So you are wrong thinking it’s the same sin we are all guilty of.

“Shawn in is sexual predator, he is gay. Meaning he prefers boys over girls. There is a difference Dad and I can’t understand, no… we don’t understand why you can’t see that. Even with the proof we have that Shawn is lying, he has his own agenda and he knows that you and Mom will believe anything he tells you. For this reason alone, we can not take your word alone, knowing when it comes to Shawn you are blind.

“What I am trying to say we don’t trust you and Mom to make the right decision as hard as may be. You will always put Shawn first before us. If you remember we had gone to you and Mom several times regarding his actions against us. Yet you didn’t believe us or was willing to believe that Shawn was raping his younger brothers and his friends. You ignored the problem until you saw it for yourself.

“Yet by then, it was too late. We can not trust the fact Shawn won’t do it again, and you and Mom will just turn a blind eye because as you say. We are all guilty of the same sin. When the fact is no matter how different it is. We are not guilty of the same sin. We do not go out of our way to rape young boys or our friends. We do not do any of the things Shawn has done by choice. We only do so to keep ourselves and the people we love alive. No Dad. Your word isn’t good enough; no one here trusts that you and Mom will do the right thing when it comes to Shawn. I am sorry, but without a written and signed contract nobody here will not take your word for it.

“We all want assurances that if Shawn repeats his last actions on any of us, or he tries to rape us in any way. You and Mom will take action, not just say he is just trying to fit into our social club, and thought if we were doing it that gives him the right to do that to us. When the fact of the matter is none of us want him even near us. We will not and we all mean this, he will not be participating with us in any way, because he can not be trusted.

“He is a sexual predator, he is the very same monsters we are taking down that are committing these crimes in the name of their so-called church and Demon god. If he so much as touches any one of us, we will take action if you won’t. We are hoping it won’t come to that, but Shawn has lied, he has seen too it that you are willing to forgive him for the things he has done. Stating he has changed, when the proof state’s that is not the case. He hasn’t changed; he is focused on getting his revenge now that he knows we are responsible for taking down his beloved church. He wants to make sure that doesn’t happen. He will and do and say anything to get you to take him at his word knowing it has worked in the past.

“Yet you and Mom cannot see that and blind by the fact you want your family whole. What parent wouldn’t? But how can you ignore what he has done in the past? No Dad your word is not good enough this time. Now if you will excuse me I have work to do.” Dad stayed a few minutes longer until he realized I wasn’t about to discuss this matter any longer. I watched him hang his head low and left me to my work in silence.

I heard Mom in the hallway asking Dad if I was willing to see sense, Dad said. “No, Karen he and everyone else refuse to back down on this thing against Shawn and us.” Mom soon came into the room. I gave a heavy sigh and ignored the fact I was about to get into another argument with her.

Mom came over and draped her arms around my neck as I was doing my best to ignore her. She knew me, she knew I couldn’t resist her, but I stayed firm in my decision knowing it wasn’t just me that felt about this. All I had to do was think of my three brothers and Jody, which wasn’t hard. I hated Shawn for what he had done to them. Life was cruel enough and here he was ready to give that up, where I had to fight tooth and nail to keep it.

Mom said in her sweet honey tone. “So I take it that nothing we say is going to resolve this issue with us and Shawn?”

I gave a heavy sigh and said. “No Mom, I am sorry. Shawn must earn that right to be trusted. Words on page or words themselves are not going to be enough this time. He raped my three brothers, and he helped with Jody’s. If I am supposed to be their brother, how would it look if I let some rapist come into our home and rape them anytime they felt like it? It’s bad enough we do so as it is so we can hide in secret.

“I swore an oath Mom to my brothers that I would never do that to them as their brother or my two sisters… not once have I done so, even though you and Dad lifted the band on having sex with my bothers. I have made them and me a promise that I would never do so even if it cost me my life. Like you and Dad had taught us; that difference between raping someone and not rapping them is it consensual and out of love. 

“Shawn didn’t do it out of love, he didn’t have their permission, he and his friends as well as the boys you have taken in over the years before me. Raped them, at knife-point just to hear them scream, knowing you and Dad wouldn’t believe them. They raped them because they knew they could get away with it. Not for some religion that they had grown up with, but for the sake of doing it.

“No Mom, words, on a page from Shawn, or from him alone isn’t going to be enough. We can’t even trust you and Dad when it comes to Shawn, because the last time we did. You did nothing until it was too late. So the only way we can trust you and Dad is with an unbreakable contract that states if Shawn does so again. He will not get a simple slap on the wrist. He will go to jail, just like all those people we are taking down that have done so in the name of religion.

“He is rapist, he is a predator and a liar. No Mom, nothing else is going to be good enough, and I am sorry, but the answer is no. I have given my word to my brothers and my sisters as well as my friends and their friends that if you and Dad don’t, they will. That includes losing all of us. This time Mom when Shawn does it; you and Dad will have to make a choice; either us or him. Kerry and Jody will take my brothers and I will move in with Bishop Earl taking all of my new brothers with me. Family court will do the rest if you and Dad refuse to act.

“Now if you will excuse me I am going for a walk, then turn in early because I have a very busy day tomorrow.” I got up from my desk I didn’t turn around because I couldn’t stand to see Mom crying. The words were harsh, but I had given my word. Sparky followed me as I left the room leaving Mom sitting on my bed devastated. I wanted to turn around and go back and put my arms around her, but I couldn’t allow myself to do so. So I left passing Jody, Kerry and my brothers who were ease’s dropping on our conversation. Dad frowned at me; I didn’t say a word as he went down the hall to comfort Mom.

The moment I opened the door I felt cold air touch my face, I hated winter, but I didn’t want to go back inside so Sparky and I made our way over to Bishop Earls place, It was little after 9 pm, but didn’t matter. Sparky and I were welcome to drop in no matter what time it was. Going home was the furthest thing from my mind. I couldn’t face Mom and Dad at the moment. Knowing if I did we argue all night long.

I was tired, and I was angry, not only how I behaved, but at them for not understanding why we felt about Shawn coming home, having the proof we need to show that this was just another scam he was running. Something else was behind it, and we knew had to do with Crawford because we have taken down some key people in his organization over the last few months and weeks. He couldn’t let that happen, and he knew Mom and Dads weakness which was Shawn.

The moment I came into the house Mrs. Earl told me that boys were down in weight room. I quickly said thanks and made my way to them. She turned and said. “Isn’t kind of late for you being out?”

I said. “Yes, but was either here or spending the night arguing with my parents.”

She said. “I see… then I’ll call them and tell them you are spending the night here so they know where you are.” I nodded and watch her leave; Sparky followed me to where the boys are and made himself comfortable in the corner. I didn’t plan on spending the night, but it seemed I was, maybe it was for the best and Mrs. Earl knew what I was up against at home. No one liked the idea of Shawn coming home or the fact that Mom and Dad were so blind to the fact he is lying to them.

Greg, Chad and Bishop Earl nodded to me at mine and Sparky untimely arrival; they were all shirtless working out on the new gym equipment. Most of our summers tan had faded some, and we were using the tanning beds whenever we could spare the time, which wasn’t much. If wasn’t for the fact we were participating in the filming we wouldn’t bother with making sure we kept our tan letting it fade during the winter and regain it in the summer, but we didn’t have that luxury.

I took off mine and set it to the side. Picked up the nearest weight and started to do arm curls. I liked the feel of a nice workout when working off the current stress I was feeling. The weights were good to take the anger I was feeling. I had more control over it then I did when I was younger when all I felt was anger and lashed out often enough to be a bad boy. I knew something had to give or I was going to end up just like my father and not in a good way.

We worked up a good sweat before calling quits for the night. I didn’t need an overnight bag or even a sleeping bag. Greg and I were about the same size in clothing except in pants, his being longer than mine with those long legs he has. Plus we usually keep some of each of our clothing in each others house in cases we do end up spending the night. Plus the fact in a sense I was married to Greg like I was too Eli being as he was my second husband. Which I was still getting used to, and it wasn’t for gay reasons. It was to stop anyone from moving in position for a hostile take over. In truth we more best friends then we were lovers of circumstance.

Like I had told Mom and Dad we didn’t have sex unless we had to keep up the idea that we were, none of us really liked the idea and had taken a vow that we wouldn’t only if it was to keep each other alive or to maintain the appearance. I hated the fact we had to do it to remain undercover to take down the satanic church, to take down a child sex ring. We weren’t anything like Shawn where we enjoyed doing it; it was the worst thing in the world for us to do. Even having sex with girls in this way had long lost the appeal and we had avoided doing so or approach the subject.

Greg too was avoiding the issue as we climbed into bed after a nice long hot soak in the hot tub. He like me were spending as much time avoiding the topic of Shawn coming home. He didn’t ask if my parents had done what we have asked, knowing if they had I wouldn’t be here hiding out where they could keep trying to change my mind by wearing me down.

Sparky was just as spoiled here as he was anywhere else. He made himself comfortable on the bed once Greg and I had done so first. It wasn’t one of those types of marriages where we kissed each other goodnight or asked each other if we would like to have sex or stimulate each other. We were either in the mood or we weren’t, we were simply best friends. And right now that was all I really needed, I hadn’t had that in a while, something that Shawn couldn’t understand.