The Last Days as a Nudist Part 1

Chapter 103

The Last Days as a Nudist

Part 1

In some ways I was looking forward to going home, yet for me home was relative considering I was going home with my mother, which is not my home but heir’s and my brothers, yet the Rothwell home at the moment is the only real home I have even though its not the true home I really wanted and most likely be the only home I’d have that I could call home. Yet if I had a choice now that I am 53 and know how things were going to turn out I would have stayed here for the rest of my life.

True I would have to conform to the rules here, but would that be such a bad thing? I really liked girls, the other not so bad either when it is only closes friends, but I could live and die happy here. Not worry what the world thinks about me regarding what’s right or what’s wrong. I’d only be judged on the kind of person I am, not the clothes I wear or the job I worked at, or the people that lived around me. I’d be judged for me and me alone. No one would care about how many homes I have lived in or how many times my parents abused me or try to kill me. In fact, I would be so far away that it would be impossible for them to even touch me.

True I would have to live with the fact I never see my brother again. Yet I wonder if that too wouldn’t be so bad? When my brother was married not needing me to protect him from either of my parents or never really saw my mother again. When Susan forced her to move to California or never see her grandchildren by blackmailing her just so she could get her away from me and Aaron. So things could go back the way they were before she changed her attitude towards Aaron and me.

My grandmother would have understood and told me so many times, but I loved her too much to leave her when her own family wouldn’t even visit her more than four times a year: Her birthday, Mothers Day, Thanksgiving and Christmas. I felt I owed her a debt for always being there for me when my parents wanted nothing to do with me. Plus she was only one the kept my parents from killing me and my brother Aaron when we were growing up.

In fact, after all these years I should have made that sacrifice and stayed with Downing’s, but I loved my brother, and still do. Yet now that he’s married and has a life of his own. We have grown apart and seldom talk or see each other; yes it was the wrong choice. I should have never made that choice, for now, I am the one left alone in the world, wanting things I could never have, wishing and waiting for my ending. I should have taken the blue pill (matrix movie line.)

Today will be my last hurrah as a nudist here as we all get ready to go to the falls. Mom and Dad only stayed long enough for us to set up camp, leaving me and my brothers behind. I knew why they left us, here with Sparky tied near my tent and the horses picketed in case we wanted to ride them on some of the trails. Mom said they needed groceries for the return trip, but I knew it was a lie; for I could see the heavy weight on their shoulders. I also knew we would be returning home tomorrow, as I had watched Mom closes up the cabin with clean dust sheets on the furniture and emptied the fridge and cupboards, watching Dad lock the boat back into the boat shed.

I did my best not to think about it, but I knew what was going to take place and feared it. Because I didn’t know if Mom and Dad would go too far when it comes to Shawn and knowing everything he has done. Also knowing if he or Arthur were here they would have no choice but to publicly execute them in the town square.

Yet the question is will they still do so when we meet up with them on our way home? Even my gut feeling was unsure because they weren’t here so they didn’t have to conform to the laws here. So the question remains how far will they go? I did my best to put on a happy face as I did what I was told and tend to my brothers.

When Mom and Dad left they were fully clothed and left us with our sneakers in case we wanted to go hiking, even though we had our robes we chose not to wear them and had left them inside our tent so when the temperature dropped we have something to protect us from the cold, since we were about a hundred so miles from town and up one of the nearby canyons and it was close to the end of summer. Like me, the kids would be returning back to school in the weeks to come. I envied them a little because they had two more weeks then I did I had barely a week and a half. And my last week and a couple of days would be spent with my mother.

Dad gave my mother a choice that he could deliver me at home or she could pick me up at our campsite since he had planned to stay a few extra days there instead of going home right away. My mother said she’d wait until doomsday if she had to at our campsite. Telling him that my sisters wouldn’t be home and would be on week camp out with the girls in their ward as my father would spend most of his time working and wouldn’t be home until late at night.

I knew there was undertone there, knowing my father he was avoiding her as much as possible, it almost made me think he was cheating on her. Yet I seriously doubted that because who would want him? The fact I was coming home to visit said he wanted nothing to do with me, believe me, the feeling is mutual.

The falls were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen; green trees surrounding a meadow not as big as the actual meadow near our cabins, but a meadow similar, on a smaller scale. Not far, maybe a half a mile walk if that was a waterfall that fell into a great big pool of water. I was used to seeing people naked all time now, that not even a pretty girl with a great body got me all that excited anymore.

You can say my brothers and I were desensitized when it came to real nudity. They could have been all wearing clothing for as much as we cared and we really didn’t see the nudity anymore. Nor did we have the problem of being aroused as easily as we did when we first arrived. I am not saying that never happened. We just didn’t care if it did nor did we hide the fact it happened.

Even though my brothers could have had me all to themselves, Mom and told them they get more than a chance on our way home and more often when we got home. I groaned inward knowing my life as I knew it would never be the same. Not only was Mom and Dad going to allow it, but they were also no longer hiding it behind closed doors anymore. Yet it didn’t stop them from trying playfully. I just stop caring about it, knowing the rule I had set for myself. That I would only do it in their presence was never going to happen. I didn’t need a guide book telling me I was in serious trouble and I had no way out.

Thankfully I had plenty of girls that wanted me and Dillon. Rather waste all that energy on him and his other friends; yet concerned me that Mom and Dad wanted Dillon and me to put our sleeping bags in their tent instead of my brothers. It didn’t take a genius to know why.

Like me, it was his last chance to be with me and it was the last chance Mom and Dad could be with him. I only hoped that didn’t include sex. Yet again if I knew what my life was going to be like when I got older I wouldn’t have wasted time on promising myself to a girl I would marry, knowing now that was never going to happen. Where is a crystal ball when you need one? Not even Jeff would tell me my future or tell me I would die unloved and forgotten.

Yes, I had plenty of girls wanting Dillon and I but I wanted to spread them out if I could and have a normal day, of just kissing and playfulness, without stimulating us fully. I followed Dillon’s example and jumped twenty feet or more on the biggest high dive in my lifetime, making a big splash below me and never really touching the bottom. I watched my brother’s falter when they approached until I watched Jared take a big run off it yelling all the way down. Then give a big arm pump screaming. “Yes, now that was awesome,” as I watch him race up the hill to do it again and again.

I laughed when Dillon and I each grabbed one of my younger brothers Jason and Jonathan and pitched them off the ledge screaming all the way down. I knew they wouldn’t drown being fairly good swimmers and no current that would drag them under, besides we had plenty of adults making sure that wasn’t going to happen. Like Jared, they couldn’t resist doing it again. The idea of sharing ourselves went to the wayside when you have a major attraction like this. I took several pictures of them jumping and Dillon taking pictures of me doing the same, my album was getting quite full I knew by the time I got home I would need a second one or third.

I had run out of film with the Polaroid and was now using my other camera that didn’t take instant pictures. I was a little worried what would happen when they got developed knowing how the world looks down on nudism and could be used as porn magazine, but Dad said he knew a guy that would develop them and not raise a stink about it. I also knew that I could never show them to my father, my mother, and brother maybe or my grandmother, but never my father or my sisters.

Mom and Dad said I could hang my favorite ones on my wall in my room, blown up enough to any size I wanted. Now, what boy could get away with hanging nude pictures of their girl and boyfriends on their wall? Trust me not many and certainly not in most LDS homes. Considering they would see it as nothing but porn, not friends or family sharing good times with one another. All they would see was immortality and judge them as people without morals, the truth be known that’s how they see us the non-nudist, hiding behind masks, afraid of being judged. I had decided to let God be the judge when it comes to nudism, providing there is one, which I have doubts when you come right down to it.

It was almost dark by the time Mom and Dad came back only allowing a quick jump off the waterfall. Before the barbecue that Dillon’s family was providing us, which was nice big thick T-bone steaks and salmon steaks, considering he owns a butcher shop in town and two more in the bigger towns near here. Mom and Dad had both while I stayed away from fish altogether, but I still got a taste of it because of Mom forcing me to take a couple of bites. I gagged it all the way down. I hate fish with a passion, Dad says it’s because I had a bad experience with one and wasn’t cooked right. Maybe so, but even today I won’t touch it other than preparing it for those that like it. The smell alone always made me want to upchuck.

Some stayed to play games like spider-ball and camped out, others went home saying their goodbyes promising me that they would write or come visit, telling me I was always welcome. I should have taken them up on that invitation instead of spending a wasted life here after I turned 24, with no friends or family that could care less if you lived or died. It was worse after my grandmother died and my mother. Now I have nobody, always wishing I had gone back when I had the chance to stay, but I choose not to because of my brother. I have regretted that decision for the last 25 five years. Knowing my brother was well grown and could take care of himself.

Now I will die alone, without having a family of my own or people that see me as nothing but a waste, most likely it will be worse now because I have told them what I did when I was sixteen and into my early twenty’s. Judging me as a freak, or sinner because I spent my life as a nudist and did things that would put me in a class of murders and rapists when all I was doing was what I had been taught to do and it was ok.

The fact I enjoyed it, even more, doing these things they consider immoral and against the law would make them distance themselves from me because of it as well as ostracized me; when at the time and where I was or people just didn’t care, like they do here today. 

One of the main reasons Mom and Dad had me and them sign a contract stating it was all consensual and their parents that wanted to without the world knowing about it. Only did so in their own homes and only closes company of friends that liked that sort of life for them and their family. It’s not unheard of; trust me it still goes on and more than you think and where.

The fact it was consensual by all parties and had signed a contract by them that we weren’t raping each other and gave them permission to share ourselves in this way with them and me, will not matter in their eyes here. Personally, I still think I did no wrong, maybe that’s why I will die alone. I only go to church to appease my uncle. I could care less about their LDS standers when they judge me as the world judges me. In some ways, Death is my only release and my answer.