Trying New Things Part 2

Chapter 94-1

Trying New Things

Part 2

 

I knew the horses were ready even though I wasn’t after realizing we wouldn’t be using a saddle unless we wanted some serious chaffing. Trust me you don’t want to do it having to ride towards the Rockwater’s only to remove the saddles when your bare butt is sticking to the seat or sliding due to the lotion to prevent sunburn.

Let’s just say after removing the saddle and riding bareback was a little more comfortable. Wearing pants or shorts would have also helped, but if we had chosen that route in the nudist colony we would have stuck out like a sore thumb. Jason and my baby brother were all for it and was a little more excited about it then Jared and I knowing that we could get easily aroused. I gave Jared the same advice that Dad gave me that if it happens just let and not let it control our life. I know, easier said than done.

I had asked regarding the trails and how experienced a rider needed to be finding out that we would be riding beginner trails, considering we weren’t used to riding bareback having my baby brother ride with me and Jason and Jared each riding their own horse with our fourth being used by the girl whose brother I saved, since she didn’t have one. I looked away as I helped her up so my eyes didn’t linger on her butt, yet not succeeding. I started to understand when my sisters and Mom said that I had a cute butt. Wanting very much to pat it or perhaps giving it a good squeeze. I hadn’t noticed I was blushing until she giggled at me. I quickly turned my eyes and climbed on my horse already missing the stirrups, having Mr. Rockwater help me up and returned to help my brothers and his wife.

We simply followed everyone else always looking back to make sure my two brothers were ok. Jared and Jason giving me thumbs up and we continued upwards to a large meadow and a small hot spring smelling the sulfur. I had always heard about them but personally never tried it.

We soon stopped and finding a nice comfortable spot to where we could tie up the horses and let them free feed on the grass, setting a long picket line. Mrs. Rockwater placed down a couple of large blankets for us to sit on. The fact we didn’t bring our towels was obvious, yet there was little if anything I could do about it, repeating Dads words. Besides it’s not like that haven’t seen it, it was just that I was the only one that seemed concerned about it.

We had a quick lunch and set up to play volleyball or chose to play Frisbee or toss the ball. The option was left up to us, Jared and I chose volleyball letting the Jason and Jonathon play Frisbee. Considering the older kids like Jared and I had already chosen us to be on their teams. I knew it would be rude to say no and Mom and Dad would be angry if we didn’t join in the fun. So I put my feelings aside and forgot about my problem whenever someone rubbed up against me either girl or boy, and when I did so, I had a lot more fun.

It only became awkward when we all bathed in the hot springs when it was unavoidable not to touch each other. It got even worse when I had Isza on one side and Fiona on the other side of me and nearly jumped out of my skin when they brushed my midsection. I wasn’t sure if it was on purpose or by accident. Until they giggled having Mrs. Rockwater tell them not to embarrasses me only to rub her hand closer than she had ever had before. Leaned over and whispered in my ear that most boys my age like it and solves me from putting a sock on the door. Placing her daughter's hand where it shouldn’t belong having me jump out of the springs.

Mr. Rockwater followed me putting his arm around me telling me it’s perfectly ok, considering I am now part of their family since I had saved his children’s lives and was just trying to help me out with my problem. If I don’t want to they would understand. I felt abused, I felt violated. Mom and Dad hadn’t told me how to handle this type of problem. Kissing was one thing, but having them stimulate me was quite another.

Once again I thought of Shawn and Arthur and I wanted no part of it, so I told Mr. Rockwater that I would prefer if they didn’t. Having him ask me if I needed some privacy to do it on my own pointing to the trees. I declined the offer stating I would be fine, he had me take a seat on the blanket and told me when it was his first time, telling me he wasn’t always a nudist, but actually lived in the city until he met his wife on his LDS mission. Like most LDS people they believed no sex before marriage and frowned on masturbation until after they were married.

I knew the rules they in strict upon us and felt that rule alone seemed stupid. When everyone else including them had been doing it all their lives, even all my foster parents didn’t agree with it. Simply told me if I needed to just to put a sock on the door, even Mom and Dad, as well as my mother and grandmother, told me it was perfectly normal. Yet it’s different when it came to the three bad boys. Doing it alone is one thing. What they were doing was quite disgusting. Dad had told me a few times that he lets Mom do it all the time before they were actually married.

He continued as I sat there very uncomfortable listening to him. He noticed I was quite uncomfortable, but let on that it was ok. He quickly told me when his wife suggested to come here for a visit. Having already been raised mostly in this lifestyle and liked raising a family here where people can be themselves instead of hiding behind a mask they share themselves and are not afraid of showing real affection and wanted to get away from the outside influences of drugs on the street and other crimes filtering in today’s societies. I could understand that considering the Rothwell’s were doing the same thing, even more so because of Shawn and now Jody.

He then told me how at first he was shy; very shy not being raised as a nudist like his wife was. So I told him about how shy I was and how my parents felt about me always being covered. Telling him how mostly it was because they physically and mentally abused me and wanted to hide the bruises and felt that I was being immoral for showing anything but my face in public that too they would have me cover if it wasn’t against the law including gloves on my fingers. Showing him some of the scars on my back, and legs and couple on my chest, as faint as they were they still could be seen. I felt his fingers touch them, seeing the tears in his eyes.

I told him that only my father abuses me now and my mother has so far stopped doing that and that he still considers me immoral while my mother doesn’t anymore and now in braced this lifestyle as well as my little brother Aaron in hopes of getting closes to me, said. “Mostly because she was worried that I would never let her see her grandchildren or invite her to the wedding if I ever found someone, but personally I think she was jealous because of all the other mothers all around her having a happy family where she didn’t and looked down on her for that stating it was peer pressure.”

Telling him because of all of the abuse I was so shy that my foster parents over the years had to fight me to get me to take a bath or remove anything, that I would be always fully dressed when I went to bed, right down to my shoes and socks. Yet because of them and more so of the Rothwell’s I had overcome my shyness and now feel comfortable in my own skin that being here sharing myself with others has been and wasn’t as hard as could have been if I wasn’t ready or raised in this lifestyle over the last 6 years more so over the last 3 years. My awesome tan proved it.

He asked how me how many homes I have been in? And I told him 19 the Rothwell’s being number 19. He nodded telling me that was a lot. I shrugged my shoulders that it didn’t matter. He then told me his experience of how he overcame his shyness, how at first he wanted to hide in the house or wear a robe whenever guest came over. Only his wife was comfortable enough to show herself, but in time after living here a few months. Life changed for him and he became comfortable about being here and living the lifestyle.

Yet like most guys his and my age we had a problem with being aroused in groups of people so easily. Every day it didn’t matter how many private moments he had, it was still a problem. Until a woman, not his wife, but a closes friend had touched him as his wife did to me and his daughters. That he quickly like me wanted no help in that department; mostly because he was raised LDS and their rules what they consider immoral, how being a nudist didn’t quite fit into their lifestyle.

I told him I know how he felt, how my father looks down at me even if I took off my shirt or went barefoot or wore a pair of shorts and a tank top considered me immoral and would beat me for doing it. Yet I also knew people where I lived that understand and are for a more open with this lifestyle like my closes friends and their parents. Even my mother and grandmother accepted the idea and supported the Rothwell’s in their choice how to raises me. In fact, I had more friends that supported the idea in both places, so no matter where I lived I had people that liked the same lifestyle as the Rothwell’s, but a bit more privately compared to here.

Because we were swapping stories regarding our lives it seemed to make us closer, and I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing, but he seemed to relax a bit more. Knowing we both shared ourselves regarding our feelings and how we were raised. I questioned if that was a mistake and if Dad would punish me for telling him about my life.

Yet I had opened that door so I continued on going by my gut feeling that I needed to be open when it came to sharing my life that some part of me needed closure and he needed to know what I had lived through, something inside my gut told me that what I said would not only change his life but others.

Man, I needed Jeff to tell me if I was doing the right thing. So I dived in telling him that because of my abuses. I felt uncomfortable with the idea of someone touching me this way or hugging me when they weren’t family, having me tell him that I felt as if I was being raped even though I knew I wasn’t. Mostly it was because of what Shawn did and how my parents treated me. But I wasn’t allowed to say anything about Shawn or even mention his name or what recently had taken place at home.

He laughed telling me he felt the same way when his wife friend did it except for the hugging part he didn’t mind that so much, but understood why I would have a hard time with because of the abuse I had gone through thanking me for opening my self and sharing my life with him stating it explains a lot why I feel uncomfortable. Asked me if he could tell others about my life telling me other people needed to hear it and would inspire them and give hope to others that I had overcome it.

I gave him permission, hoping Mom and Dad wouldn’t punish me for it. I hated secrets like abuse when it comes to children, I wanted people to know that’s not alright if they are doing it to their own children and know what life is like when they do it. I wanted to give hope that they to could overcome it and speak out making it impossible for people to abuse their children. How could Mom and Dad punish me for something like that?

I let him continue mostly because I was curious and I felt like he needed to share himself and his life with me. I began again by scooting closer to me almost touching, leaned back letting me see that he was aroused. I looked away feeling uncomfortable. He let on that it was ok telling me to consider him a brother or my father… changed to Dad saying he knows I never use the word father unless I was describing my mine crude and distinct. Stating the word Dad is out of respect.

He looked down at my arousal telling me it was ok that I was… telling me if I needed to I could stimulate myself right here and he wouldn’t think bad about me and most likely do so himself if I gave him permission, that he and his sons sometimes do it together. That my Dad and he used to do it together with Shane and Shawn when they came to visit. I declined the offer covering myself with the corner of the blanket. I asked him to continue hoping he would get to the point and to avoid the awkwardness that was happening… choking hearing that he knew Shane and Shawn and hearing that they all did it together, instead of in the privacy of their own room.

He said continuing on covering his in hopes to make me more comfortable. It was even worse when his wife suggested the idea of hearing how young boys my age and men his age let girls or woman that his wife has given permission to perform the task. Hoping to make us feel more at ease when it comes to the opposite sex, point blank said. “There is nothing wrong by having them giving you “hand job” a crude word. A better word or polite word and less offensive would stimulate you when asking them stating you have manners and been brought up right and not trying to silicate sex when you are among closes friends and family. It’s their way and our way of showing you affection nothing more.

“Besides it is better to share the experience with a girl or women like your foster mother and sisters and even your own mother providing you trust them enough and love them enough to share yourself openly and by letting them share this kind of affection. Then doing it yourself in secret, fantasizing what it might be like; leading you down the path that can create an even bigger problem as you get older son. Trust me and talk to other boys and their fathers if you needed to. That after a couple of times sharing this type of affection with them, you will have fewer problems or embarrassing moments, instead of doing it alone fantasizing the feeling and not solving the problem.

“Instead you become self-conscious unable to enjoy the life that has been offered. And can lead to being afraid and being with the opposite sex because you are afraid to open up and share your heart and soul or worst ending up fearing if they even touch you that they are raping you like your foster brother Shawn and his friends, the fact that your foster sister Jody was raped by another foster boy and not here with you says that your foster parents are trying to prevent that from happening to you and your brothers, because of a really bad experience.

“Who have given us their permission to extend this invitation because of who you and your brothers are and because of your self bravery, saving my children and others because of who you are. I and my wife and daughters gladly welcome you and your brothers into our family as one of us. You may be a Rothwell when you are living with them, but to us you and them they are now part of the Rockwater clan and others here among our small community. You like the Rothwell’s will always have a home here.”

It shook me to the core knowing that they knew about Shawn and Jody and what had happened when Mom and Dad told me not too even talk about it with no one or he would punish me for it. Yet the mere idea of Mrs. Rothwell or my Rothwell sisters stimulating me made me feel very uncomfortable. Even my own mother doing it made me feel dirty. He did give me lots to think about, but I just wasn’t ready to share this kind of experience without confirmation. Where was Jeff when I needed him?

He let the question hang and asked me if I was willing or if I would rather not, either way, they would understand. I said no that I wanted to talk to my parents first and pray about it. Even though I had no faith when it came to prayer, I only said it to get me out of the situation. Mostly I wanted to base my decision what Mom and Dad said rather than jump in and find that it was the wrong decision, regardless if they had given me and them permission. I was really glad that I had an open relationship with them or it would be unthinkable asking them about it. Uncomfortable yes, but I trusted them. If they said it was ok then fine, if not that was fine too.

He asked me if he could hug me I nodded that it was ok even though we were both aroused, it wasn’t as if he wanted to have sex with me he just wanted show he cared about me. He confirmed it and kissed me on the head and said. “I love you Eric as if you are my own son, I want you to know my wife and I would never harm you or your brothers. The fact that Shawn has, makes us want to love you and your brothers more, hoping to make the world right as used to be, but knowing that won't change the fact that it happened.

“All we can do is love you. I want you to know that you are safe in our home in our company and will never force you, but I also want you to know that we are only trying to help you overcome your fears and know not all sex is bad when done at right time and in the right way; something that your brother Shawn and his friends don’t understand and now have taken that once was beautiful and tainted it.

“I also want you to know that Marriage is more than just sex, it is two people wanting to share a life together and bring up a family and showing them that life is not about nudity, or having sex whenever you like because you are naked. Being a nudist is more than that. It’s about unity and love for each other and how God has created us as individuals, it’s about respect for others and respect for ourselves. Clothing to us is a mask to hide our true feelings. It hides secrets about a person that doesn’t want us to know who or what they are.

“I also want you to know am not your father, if I ever met the man I would kill him for ever laying a hand on you and promises you if your mother does she will die before she even makes it to prison. If you want to talk about anything day or night, we are there for you. All you have to do is open the door and come in, our door is always open. We are just as much as your family as the Rothwell’s if you needed place to go we will be here for you. All you have do is say the word and we would come and get you, no matter where you are or how far you are. Not even death will separate you from me or us.”

He kissed me again wiped my tears away with his fingers. And hugged me so tight and squeezed my bottom. Telling me he couldn’t resist letting me go. And thanked me for sharing myself and my life with him. I knew he meant every word I should have been embarrassed when he squeezed my bottom, but instead I felt all warm and fuzzy inside as if Mom and Dad did it.

Even though I didn’t want to get back in I chose too. Rather than being the only one that wasn’t. Letting my arousal point the way and climbed in, back in between the two girls. Mr. Rockwell simply told them that I was uncomfortable about the idea for now. To ask me first if it was ok, the girls nodded and the problem was settled. Instead of showing that kind of affection they kissed each of my cheeks and each took my hand. I was ok with that even though it made me uncomfortable.

I pretended that I was fine allowing the hot springs loosen those tight muscles. I only peeked under my eyelids after hearing soft moaning and feeling my feet being touched with his as he stretched out letting his wife stimulate him. He smiled at me when I opened them and rubbed his feet against my ankles and the back of my legs. I didn’t say no instead I let him. Knowing he wouldn’t hurt me, all he was doing was showing me affection.

After a game of spider-ball, we headed back to the cabin and Mom and Dad had taken the boat out leaving me a note, to warm up the lasagna if we were hungry which we were. Mom and Dad knew that I could fend for myself when it comes to fixing dinner for me and my brothers. So to me, it was not a big deal. Yet the problem on my mind regarding what the Rockwater’s were offering me was. I would have like to call Bishop Earl or Bishop Sakes, but the only working phone was in town and wouldn’t be all that private.

Jared helped me with the dishes sending my brothers up to our room to grab one of the games until Mom and Dad arrived. I knew right away he wanted to talk about something and didn’t take long to figure out what that was watching him blush. I simply asked him if they tried to stimulate him. He nodded that they did and he let them because Mom and his sisters did and thought it was ok and had done so before. But ever since Shawn and they abused him he stopped letting them because he was afraid that he would become like them, and didn’t want Shawn and them to keep abusing him because he could be aroused by it.

My mind went into overdrive. Learning that Mom and my sisters had done this to him and most likely Jason ever since they had shown they we mature enough to stimulate themselves. I swallowed hard asking if they did it to Jason and if Dad knew about it. He nodded that they had and when he told Dad, Dad just said it was alright because they were showing him how to deal with the problem of being aroused even more so when they come here to visit, but we hadn’t been here since I came to live with them being afraid about how I or my new foster brothers would handle the situation. Most of all they didn’t want him or Jason to be embarrassed if they walked in on them doing it in their bedroom. I cringed when he said that.

Yet did it make it right? I asked him when was the last time Mom had done that? He said when she gave him and Jason a bath last night and once again before they came into my room last night. Then telling me he mostly does it own his own and Mom and our sisters ask first now because of what Shawn and them have done to him and Jason. That when he says no and they feel hurt and would cry holding him and Jason and would ask them if it because what Shawn, Arthur and Danny had done.

Telling them that it was and because of that, he doesn’t feel right about it anymore. Having them to always ask every time first when he and Jason get tense or stressed out because of things happening at school or home or because of a bad day or they can’t sleep or just wanting them to feel loved by showing that they care and want to show it. Rather than having us do it by ourselves locked away fantasying what used to be like, before Shawn and them abused them

Now he was asking me if I let the girls at spring do it. I shook my head no telling him that they tried, but I had refused because I wanted to talk to Mom and Dad about it first. 

Jared said. “Oh, I should have asked you about it sooner than letting them do it, thinking it was ok.” Asking me if I have let ever let Mom and our sisters do it, shaking my head no, he looked down and said. “That explains why you put a sock on the door unlike Jason and me.”

Telling me. “Sometimes Jason and I do it together, but it’s not the same as if Mom and our sisters do it. I was thinking that you and Shane are doing it together that it was ok if we did and Mom and Dad said we could, but rather we did it alone or let them do it. Mostly it was because they were afraid that we would be doing other things besides stimulating ourselves. And doing what Shawn and they were doing or had done to us, having to always promise that we wouldn’t. Dad went as far as putting us inside the turn-table to get the truth that we weren’t and if Shawn and they really abused us, until Dad made all of us take that test at the hospital. Proving that Shawn and them and their friends had raped us over and over.”

I felt sick inside knowing that this had gone on for a very long time and it wasn’t until recently Mom and Dad stepped in and stopped it. It was also the first time Jared had really opened up to me. Sharing himself and what he had gone through.

Just listening made my blood boil wanting to kill Shawn and them for hurting him in such a way that he would always be reliving this nightmare. To me, he was my bother as much as Aaron was and I would do anything for him because I loved him more than life its self. I would gladly give my life for any of my brothers if it ever came to that and I knew if there was a God he would expect me to.

Yet I needed to know if Dad was a problem I needed to worry about or would it be best to not be as open with him regarding what happened today with the Rockwater’s, in my heart I knew Dad wasn’t, but I also thought Dad wasn’t the type to put me or my brothers inside the turn-table. I asked him if Dad ever sexually abused him or Jason. He shook his head no that it was Shawn, them and they would force him and Jason to do unspeakable disgusting things like forcing their penises in their mouth having them suck on it and making them swallow their pee and cum and forcing their penises up their butts taking turns with their friends as they cry begging them to stop.

Telling me how bad it hurt at first like the test at the hospital, but even afterward it stopped hurting as much, but they told us it was because we were being good. That God was saying it was ok for us boys to do this since we couldn’t have babies and would make it easier to have sex with girls and wanted to show us how guys love each other.

“When we said no trying to refuse them and run away from them, they would hold us down and forcedly took off our clothes as we watched them do likewise drawing straws on who was going first. We told them we were going to tell Mom and Dad about it that they kept doing it. Telling us that Mom and Dad couldn’t and wouldn’t stop them and would only think they were stimulating them like Mom and our sisters were doing, nothing more, and warned us if we told them we would pay for it and kill us in our sleep. It was worse when Shawn’s and Danny’s friends spent the night or when Mom and Dad weren’t home that’s when they did it over and over taking turns, and started to do it more often.”

“When I went to Bishop Crawford about it, he asked me why I wasn’t allowing them to do it, and acting like a big baby, and said he had given them his permission. Telling Mom and Dad it was ok that we did it. And suggested that he, Jason and I should do it and would be glad to introduce us to more of the boys in the ward in hopes of creating something special for every boy and father to share; hoping by doing so it would bring us closer as a ward and family open the world to new ideas that were already happening. That porn and sex is not bad like we had been taught, but a good thing and drugs are something to ease the mind into having us feel good about ourselves or God wouldn’t permit it and he had chosen him to be Bishop to bring on change, not hinder us on old ideas.”

My stomach felt nauseous listening to what they had done. I told him I would never do that to him, he hugged me so tight and cried in my arms. Telling me that he loved me more than Shawn and Shane; I cringed asking if Shane ever did anything to him fearing the answer. He shook his head no telling me he was the one that told him to go to Mom and Dad. I knew in my heart that Shane wouldn’t, but it made me feel relieved knowing that he hadn’t. I also wondered what other dark secrets I didn’t know about. I hated Bishop Crawford, even more so in what he was doing and had done to our family. Yet right now there was very little I could do about it being so far away.

I needed Dad, I needed Mom. I asked Jared fearing the answer if he ever told Mom and Dad or Shane what Bishop Crawford said. He shook his head no that they most likely wouldn’t believe him. I asked if I could he hugged me tight nodding that they would believe me over him or Jason. Somehow I didn’t think so, but if that was the case I would tell it to the people that would.