Remnants of Life Part 1

Chapter 87

Remnants of Life

Part 1

 

I had gone back to the Rothwell’s after a long week at home feeling sorry for myself. I had found keeping myself busy was the key, so busy that I wouldn’t let the outside world in. Because when I did the world around me would remind me that everything I loved was now gone.

I spent long hours at Mr. Stringum’s store, having me doing odd jobs and delivery’s to clear my debt with him and work off my community services hours washing police cars and now and again a fire truck. Sometimes I was sent out with a group of boys to clean up trash along the highway our paint walls that had graffiti on them. It was then I learned that if I worked hard enough and long enough I wouldn’t have to let the outside world in. Yet when I went back to the Rothwell’s my world came crashing down.

I had learned to numb myself when it came to saying goodbye when the tears start to come I would hit myself over and over again to the point I would leave bruises. It was either that or I would poke myself over and over with a safety pin to remind me that I needed to be numb. That was until my foster parents found blood on my clothes and would search me finding several markings that had been infected and bruising on my arms and legs. Demanding to know how I got them. When I said I was numbing myself so I wouldn’t feel anything. They seemed angry at first then simply let it go telling me I had no right to punish myself for feeling, but I would still do it anyway; requiring Dad to search me for pins or anything small and sharp.

It was worse around meal time when we all sat at the table that uses to fill the entire dining room. Now there was just us three boys and Jody, and the baby. I would sit there jabbing myself when I looked at the seat where Shane used to sit and when I looked on the other side where Kerry used to be I would begin to feel and I would poke myself over and over again; until Dad would force me to stop seeing the blood running down my arms. I would tell him he was lucky I didn’t have a razor blade, and he would search me just in case and lock me inside my room. Even that didn’t prevent me from hurting myself because when I looked about my room, I was reminded that I was alone. 

When I wasn’t in my room I would run laps or work outside doing anything to keep myself busy. Several times Mom and Dad would sit down with me at night asking me if I wanted to build my collection of farm animals to help me feel at home again. I would shake my head no saying why it would be one more thing for me to lose. I wouldn’t even go near the barn; if I did I would end up crying for hours. So I avoided it so I could feel numb. I had no reason to smile or laugh anymore when people or my friends ask how are you? I would sometimes say numb or nothing at all or change the subject.

Like most days nobody wanted to talk about what was going on at home, or why God seems to be punishing me. We did know we had to stay strong for Jody’s sake, speaking hush words whenever she was in the room. By quickly putting on a happy face even though we were far from being happy. Dad tried his best to explain to Jared and Jason what had happened to Jody because she would visit us at least twice a week or on the weekends.

He would say some very bad boys hurt her and now those bad boys are gone. No one used the word rape or mentioned anything that was going on. In some ways, we were hurting Jody for not being honest with her on how we felt, and I could see it in her eyes as we walk around on eggshells afraid to upset her when she was home. Like me, she was reliving a nightmare and would wake up screaming most nights it would be hours before Mom and Dad could calm her.

The time went quickly as the date approached for us to be in court. In some ways, I was looking forward to it because I would see Shane again. Yet there was also a downside Shawn would be there as well as the two boys that raped Jody. The other downside was Shane would be leaving again and this time he would be leaving for his mission at the end of the month.

When we arrived we were shocked to learn that Danny would be present as well, but to say any of us felt bad seeing him in a wheelchair with two broken arms and legs as well as his hands and fingers. Let's just say he looked like mess covered with so many bruises on his face that he looked like an overripe piece of fruit. Yet none of us felt a least bit sorry for him. Considering if we had the chance we would slit his throat as well as the two boys.  He was lucky they all went through the other door or we might have done just that.

When Bishop Crawford entered the courtroom he smiled at us and we could tell he was up to something; even more so when his or their lawyer set down a big heavy box. When the boys came in they were all wearing shackles including Arthur. When they saw us they each glared at us, Dad said. “Don’t look at them boys; they are just trying to put on a show.” I knew the way he said it his heart wasn’t in it. I couldn’t blame him really considering Shawn was his own flesh and blood.

My caseworker was the last to arrive with several boxes of files and videotape. When she sat them down she said. “Here we go boys, lets put on a happy face and show them that we are not concerned what they have that could damage us.”

My mother was sitting behind us as well as my grandmother. Jody too was here and she seemed wired the second the boys came in through the door. Mom and Kerry were doing their best to keep her calm. Personally, I don’t know that any of us could feel all that calm. Mostly we felt angry knowing here they sit with smug faces after they had torn our family apart, thinking we are the guilt ones sitting in the courtroom.

It wasn’t long before the Judge took his seat and once again I felt I was reliving a nightmare remembering it was a day like today that I was taken away from the only family I truly loved. Inside I was wondering if today would also turn out the same way. Even though Dad my caseworker had assured me that wasn’t going to happen; I had nothing to fear because I wasn’t at the Rothwell home during the time Jody was rape. Yet I knew God or fate would punish me for it anyway.

After the charges were read for both sides I had that bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I kept seeing my fate staring at me in the face. Even more so when I was charged for the same crimes as Shawn, Arthur and Danny; like last time the lawyer tried to get the judge to throw it out.

Yet this time we had more than pictures signed statements we had the videotape. Lots and lots of videotapes, I watched as my caseworker and our lawyer placed the videotape with the time and date stamped showing the three bad boys having sex their sexual parts burled but it didn’t take a genius to know what they were doing. Twice Shane and I nearly threw up right there, having the judge tell them to turn it off.  I watched as their lawyer stood trying to dismiss the tape as evidence on the infringement of the privacy act, a tack my parents tried to do with me.

However, this time was it not only legal it was damaging because my caseworker had submitted a request to go through the courts and they assigned a contractor to put it in. One point for us as I mark my pad hoping to distract myself, listening to our lawyer state “we have hours upon hours of this kind of behavior Yet none of these boys that sit here today” Pointing to me and Shane; “are found doing this kind of behavior.”

Having their lawyer object stating, “Just because it wasn’t on tape, doesn’t mean they weren’t guilty of the same crime.”

Having our lawyer wave a document to be hand to the judge saying. “All the boys have been seen by a doctor and as you see they each had the same test performed.”

Having their lawyer say. “We object.”

Having the judge state, “overruled “

So far things were looking good on our side until, Bishop Crawford opened that box, reading a statement that had been taken by the two boys that had rapped Jody. He smiled as their lawyer stood handing a copy to the judge and a copy to our lawyer. Dad frowned at as he and the lawyer quickly went through it as the other lawyer summarized on what it said for all to hear.

It stated the Shawn, Arthur and Danny were forced to participate during our so-called family outings regarding skinny dipping. Stating several times that Dad had forced us all to see our mother and sisters both naked on many occasions. Threatened them if they didn’t participate they would be punished severally, even more so at home or on the property.

Somehow the rest of us remember it quite differently. Not once had Dad or Mom forced us to do so, it was our choice if we wanted to participate and gone in great lengths to make it a positive, and special experience that each of us will cherish for the rest of our lives.

Dad asked the Judge if he could speak and was granted to do so. Dad explained that Shawn, Arthur as well as all his foster kids had been raised and taught regarding this carefree lifestyle that there was nothing wrong in sharing themselves openly; in hoping to desensitize them against the very sins they had committed hoping to bring their family closer to each other and God. Also stating the fact Shawn, Kelly, and Danny his own brothers are the only ones that feel that they have not been taught this, by raping each other as well as their two younger brothers Jared and Jason.

Their lawyer objecting that Kelly, Danny, and Arthur or not his brothers; having the Judge bang the gavel stating he disagrees, therefore sustains that under the family court law that all foster kids placed in a home are considered family regardless of blood relation. Also stating him, he has two foster kids of his own and he and his wife feel that they are as much as part of their family as his own flesh and blood. Therefore he overrules in the favor of the Rothwell’s and considers that Shawn, Danny, Kelly, and Arthur have committed a serious crime.

He also favored family skinny dipping or in Mr. Rothwell case carefree lifestyle in and out of the home stating that not only he finds it appropriate, behavior, but would encourage more families to be open to the idea. When there are more cases in his court regarding sex offenders and pedophiles that have not been raised this way are more likely to commit such crimes and filling our prisons. Versus being taught what Rothwell’s have been teaching their children? Therefore he is going to overrule in the favor of the Rothwell’s.

The look on Bishop Crawford face was outrage and anger. Yet he wasn’t done yet stating on page six, a copy of the file that listed everything that my caseworker was asked to keep private, somehow he had managed to get a copy. When my caseworker asked how he was able to obtain notes that were sealed and confidential he said from a friend a coworker inside Social Services stating a name and finding the signature she cursed said. “Sorry boys? It appears I have been overruled by my supervisor?”

When the lawyer read each of our statements regarding things in the home, regarding punishments, sexual charges regarding complaints that Mom and Dad had both knew about and had told us not to discuss in the home or to anyone or we would all be punished. Dad eyed each of us and I could tell he was angry. I knew we were all going to suffer for it.

I watched as Dad tightened his fist under the table so hard that his knuckles went white. The Judge stating that both Mom and Dad had gone too far, I knew if Shane or I didn’t say anything Mom and Dad were about to lose everything. So I stood without permission having the Judge turn his head hearing me. Having their lawyer try to dismiss me from the room, having Shane stand beside me as well yelled that we both had deserved the punishment and because of such a punishment that neither of us has or ever plan to display that kind of behavior again; that Mom and Dad were doing their best. I said if he really wants to know what parents do when it comes to child abuses or going too far he could read my file cover to cover and see what my own parents have done to me.

Having their lawyer object as our lawyer tells us to keep standing as she quickly has the Judge open to several pages watching his face turn several colors of white, asking my mother to stand; I quickly stated as she stood. That ever since she had signed a document that if she ever did anything like that to me she would end up in prison and lose everything and never see any of her children again. I said as “God as my wittiness she has never laid a hand on me and it had been over a year and she changed from my abuser too my mother, A mother whom I love and have forgiven her.”

My mother said she had changed and would do so until her dying day loves me and my brother if he wants proof. That it too is in that file also she has several witnesses and they are all here today. When I looked back I saw a whole crowd of people stand up for her and me. The judge banging on his gavel asking for hour recess to go over my file and the evidence regarding the charges against us, having their lawyer try to drop the rape charges altogether, but our lawyer stating they object regarding the rape of the boys and most of all Jody.